Shane Game has taken the tragic events of loosing two of her sons and used her experience to start the Shrewsbury Bereavement Group, and now helps others cope with loss in there life. All working out of the Castlefields Community Hub in Shrewsbury.
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00:00Shane, hello. Hi. So we're here at the Castlefields Community Hub and the clue as to why we're here is on the screen at the back.
00:10Shrewsbury Bereavement Group, easy for me to say. So Shane, just fill us in on what the group's all about and why you felt the need to set it up really.
00:22Right, yeah I started up the Shrewsbury Bereavement Group two years ago. I've lost two sons and I started it on what would have been my first son's 40th birthday.
00:36Sadly I didn't get any counselling after then because I got lost in the system so I was just basically left to get on with life.
00:45Then when I lost Toby ten years later, which is three years ago today, I got the counselling but there was one counsellor that was very unempathetic and it took months for me to get the appointment.
01:06When you're in that dark hole, you want something now, not 12 months down the line because sadly all the funding has gone to help people so I decided I wanted to help other people and it helps me.
01:25So I started up the Shrewsbury Bereavement Group, it's free, two hours once a month, one till three. I've got the webpage which is on Google and I've got a Facebook page and all the dates are on the webpage which are the up and coming dates.
01:50What we do, anybody that's bereaved, whether it be mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, children, I've had approximately 95 to 100 people come in the last 12 months so there's obviously a need for it.
02:11We just share our experiences and be able to talk because sometimes family and friends are too close and sometimes you don't want to bring them down so we can be honest with each other in the group and friendships are made.
02:27And you're hoping, you'd like to see it expand and move into other places wouldn't you? That would be an idea, what we'd like to see happen. With events attached, gatherings, because like you say when you're in that pit of darkness, just to physically leave the house can be very, very difficult.
02:46And you know, you envisage a little minibus or something and you could, just to help people get out and perhaps go off to church, Dretton, a bit of understanding between you.
02:59And have a tea and a cake after or something.
03:02And like you say, your experiences in life, it's not where you would have chose to be but you've got, you're using those experiences for good now, good work.
03:15A legacy to the boys.
03:16I mean people can go and study counselling at a college and so on but you've come in with real life experience aren't you two, which is a whole other place to be.
03:27And I guess people, if they want to be involved in the group, it may be a loss that's happened a number of years ago, you know yourself, the bereavement cycle, it's always there isn't it?
03:41Yeah, it never leaves you.
03:43I mean you learn to live your day in a different way now and it does change you as a person.
03:52You know when people say things like, oh haven't you got over it yet? Thankfully I haven't heard anybody say that to me but I have heard it from the pastor that people say.
04:05It makes me so angry because it's so unsympathetic, you know you're never going to get over things.
04:12No, well I mean you lost him in the river and you've never been able to go back to the river have you?
04:22No, it's too painful.
04:24Yeah, it's always there.
04:26So it must be, it must feel satisfying that you're helping people but I guess always tinged with that sadness I guess.
04:36Yes, absolutely.
04:38And it's being honest, you know when people say, oh does it get any easier? No it doesn't, I'm not going to lie.
04:46Because you know it's something that when you've got that much love and you're, well with me and the two boys, I feel now as it's Tobi's birthday today, I'm cheated.
04:58You know because I'm not going to see him get married or have kids, Ben didn't have any children, you know and I feel angry in a way because half of my heart's died.
05:13You know everybody's got four chambers I say, this is the closest I can say to it and half of my heart has died with them, which is why I've changed.
05:25And I guess it then just becomes about learning a set of coping strategies, mechanisms to continue and that's where the bereavement group can be one of those.
05:36Yeah.
05:38Well we meet here at the Castlefields Community Hub, they've been supportive haven't they?
05:44Very supportive.
05:46Is it Housing Plus is it?
05:48Yeah, Homes Plus.
05:49Housing Plus, yeah.
05:51And they've helped me secure some funding and also to use the hub because it's community and what I do is community.
06:02They've been amazing because I was doing it from home before and it wasn't really very good to do it at home.
06:12Yeah, yeah.
06:14So I asked a question and then I've also had lots of inquiries of people, referring people to the group like doctors, hospital, mental health team and likewise if I feel that they might need extra help there's numbers on the webpage and also I can refer other people too.
06:39Yeah, and I guess we should say that first session you ever ran, you opened the door and there were 20 people which just says about the gap there was.
06:49Yeah.
06:51Well thank you Shane for all you're doing to help others.
06:57I've got another organisation that have been amazing.
07:00Yeah.
07:01So I can do the events and try and get more funding and that's the community resources.
07:07Yeah.
07:09So they've been backing me as well which is amazing because this is just a little idea that I want to do because I don't want people to feel how I feel.
07:18So now people are backing it and supporting me it fills my heart to know that it's being recognised and that means so much.
07:26So if people want to find out more I guess they get on the old tinternet and put in Shrewsbury bereavement group and up pops the website.
07:35Thank you Shane, all the best to your chicken. Thank you love.