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00:00:00What's that?
00:00:19I just deliver them.
00:00:22I didn't order anything that big.
00:00:25Does it say who it's from?
00:00:26No return address.
00:00:28No return address.
00:00:29Isn't that odd?
00:00:31What is?
00:00:32A package this big with no return address.
00:00:35Well, I don't know what size has to do with it, but it's not unprecedented.
00:00:39Uh, well, what if I don't sign for it?
00:00:42I don't understand.
00:00:43I mean, what if I don't sign, you know, your clipboard thingy?
00:00:46Well, then I can't release the package to you.
00:00:49Release?
00:00:51Industry jargon.
00:00:52It means give.
00:00:53I can't give you the package if you don't sign for it.
00:00:57Ah, okay.
00:00:59So do you want it or not?
00:01:01I don't know what it is.
00:01:03But that's the fun of it.
00:01:04It's a surprise.
00:01:06You like surprises, don't you?
00:01:13Great.
00:01:14Where's it headed?
00:01:15Oh, I'll bring it in myself.
00:01:17Oh, I don't know.
00:01:18It's pretty heavy, hence the dolly.
00:01:25What company did you say you were with again?
00:01:27JB Solutions.
00:01:28And what is that?
00:01:29It's a delivery service.
00:01:30White glove.
00:01:31Um, okay.
00:01:36I guess, you know, you could just put it right here.
00:01:39You want it right there?
00:01:40Do you have a problem with that?
00:01:42No, no.
00:01:43It's just I got wheels.
00:01:45I can put it anywhere.
00:01:46Here is fine.
00:01:51There's great.
00:01:55Careful.
00:01:58I wouldn't worry about that.
00:02:00I can help you put it together for you, too, if you want.
00:02:02If it even needs assembling, it comes with the right tools, doesn't it?
00:02:04I'm not a great builder, but I'm a good builder.
00:02:07I'm a solid builder.
00:02:08And you're my last drop of the night, so there's nowheres else I need to be.
00:02:12Well, who's to say I can't put it together myself?
00:02:15I've made it this long, I must be doing something right.
00:02:17Oh, I didn't mean pay women's rights.
00:02:21My mom was a woman.
00:02:22I just meant if you want help.
00:02:24I'm happy to help.
00:02:25Isn't it a little late to be doing deliveries?
00:02:30We deliver till 8.
00:02:32It's 8.45.
00:02:35We deliver till 9.
00:02:38Well, thanks.
00:02:45Thanks a bunch.
00:02:46Anytime.
00:02:47Oh, my God!
00:02:57I just realized who you are.
00:02:59Did you?
00:03:00I knew you looked familiar.
00:03:03It's really you.
00:03:04I used to love you.
00:03:05You used to be the best.
00:03:07Thanks.
00:03:08I think.
00:03:09That sounded bad, like you're no longer great, but you're still good.
00:03:12Sure.
00:03:14Perfectly fine.
00:03:17Seriously though, what happened to you?
00:03:18You used to be everywhere, and then just one day, it was one day.
00:03:23You look old.
00:03:24Excuse me?
00:03:26What kind of shit is that to say to somebody?
00:03:27No, no.
00:03:28I just meant, it's probably why I didn't recognize you at first is all, you know?
00:03:31My God, wait till the guys hear about this.
00:03:33You think I can get an autograph?
00:03:35I think I gave you one of those already.
00:03:37My clipboard.
00:03:38Clever girl.
00:03:39I'm going to have to frame that.
00:03:42How about a selfie then?
00:03:43Uh.
00:03:44I left my selfie stick in the truck, so we'll just have to squeeze.
00:03:47Wait, did the guys see this?
00:03:50What did you say your name was again?
00:03:53Walter.
00:03:54Walter is my name.
00:03:56And you are Janica Lespy.
00:03:58That's me.
00:03:59I am shaking the head of Janica Lespy.
00:04:02Oh my God.
00:04:03Well, Walter, my boyfriend, is going to be here any minute now, so this is where I have
00:04:07to say goodbye.
00:04:08Now, hang on.
00:04:09Now, hang on.
00:04:10I mean, I didn't even get a chance to like.
00:04:11How often do I get a chance to?
00:04:12A chance to what?
00:04:15Chance to pitch you my screenplay.
00:04:16Screenplay?
00:04:17Yeah.
00:04:18You'd be great for it.
00:04:19Actually, you'd be kind of perfect.
00:04:20Would I?
00:04:21Hey, you never know.
00:04:22Could be your big comeback.
00:04:23My big comeback.
00:04:24Hey, you never know.
00:04:25You know, I don't only drive a truck.
00:04:26I'm a man of many talents.
00:04:27I write.
00:04:28I act.
00:04:29I direct.
00:04:30I do a little voiceover.
00:04:31So what do you say?
00:04:32You want to hear my pitch?
00:04:33Sure.
00:04:34But, you know, Scripps, you're driving.
00:04:35I'm driving.
00:04:36I'm driving.
00:04:37I'm driving.
00:04:38I'm driving.
00:04:39I'm driving.
00:04:40Sure.
00:04:41But, you know, Scripps usually come through my agent.
00:04:42So you could just.
00:04:43Great.
00:04:44Well, basically.
00:04:45No.
00:04:46It's about this.
00:04:47Sorry.
00:04:48No.
00:04:49I said, I said Scripps usually come through my agent.
00:04:50So you're more than welcome to submit that.
00:04:51No.
00:04:52You said sure.
00:04:53I don't understand.
00:04:54It's like you're saying one thing, but you're meaning another.
00:04:57Didn't you say your boyfriend was on his way home?
00:05:00Where is he?
00:05:01You know, I don't see him.
00:05:03You know what I think?
00:05:06I think you said that just to get me out of here.
00:05:09But no, no, no.
00:05:10No, you're right.
00:05:11You're right.
00:05:12So I'm professional.
00:05:13I'll send it to your agent so he can throw it in the trash.
00:05:16Or better yet, save the postage.
00:05:18You got a shredder?
00:05:19Hey, Janet, your agent's a douchebag, all right?
00:05:21He doesn't give a shit about you, Janet.
00:05:23He doesn't care about you, Janet.
00:05:25I'm offering you something real here, Janet.
00:05:27Like man to woman, Janet.
00:05:29Why won't you hear me out, Janet?
00:05:31Janet!
00:05:32Why won't you hear me out?
00:05:33Roger, calm down.
00:05:34Calm down.
00:05:35I want to hear you out.
00:05:36OK?
00:05:37I want to hear you out.
00:05:43Beg me.
00:05:46You got to be kidding me.
00:05:48Beg me.
00:05:52OK.
00:05:55Please, Walter, please pitch me your pitch.
00:05:58I want to hear your pitch.
00:06:00Please pitch me your pitch.
00:06:01Fine.
00:06:04It's about this creepy delivery guy
00:06:06who tortures this washed up actress in her own home.
00:06:16I'm just kidding, Janet.
00:06:18Oh my god, relax.
00:06:19I'm just kidding.
00:06:21God.
00:06:22It's actually really sweet.
00:06:24It's a love story about this lady
00:06:26who falls for a plumber while he's over
00:06:28fixing her leaky refrigerator.
00:06:31Just read the first page and you'll
00:06:33see because it's that obvious.
00:06:34I swear, you're going to win awards.
00:06:36Go ahead.
00:06:37You'll see.
00:06:38Go ahead.
00:06:39Oh my god, this whole thing's an act.
00:06:41What whole thing?
00:06:42Your whole thing.
00:06:44You knew who I was this entire time.
00:06:46How do you figure?
00:06:48You just happen to have that script with you?
00:06:51Well, I mean, it's LA.
00:06:53You never know whose package you might deliver.
00:06:57Right.
00:06:58OK.
00:06:59OK.
00:07:00Um.
00:07:03Well, why don't you leave it with me
00:07:08and I'll look over it this weekend?
00:07:10I don't think so.
00:07:12Why not?
00:07:13Because then this weekend's going to come
00:07:15and of course something's going to come up
00:07:16and of course your weekdays are slammed
00:07:18and you're hosting that bridal shower next weekend.
00:07:20Next thing you know, six months later,
00:07:22my script's still sitting right where you left it.
00:07:25I want to be there when you read it.
00:07:27I want to see you react.
00:07:29No, um, Walter, that's not how it works.
00:07:31I'm sorry, but it's not.
00:07:33Look, you can leave it behind
00:07:35and I will email you my notes.
00:07:38I don't want your notes.
00:07:39Every turd burglar in this town has a note.
00:07:42You think I give a shit about a single one of them?
00:07:44I don't think you understand what's happening here, Janet.
00:07:48This script, it's magic.
00:07:51I'm a fucking magician.
00:07:53I'm going to make your career reappear.
00:07:57Feedback, not notes.
00:07:59I'll email you my feedback.
00:08:01Uh-uh.
00:08:03Okay, well then, Walter,
00:08:05I'm afraid you're going to have to
00:08:07take your script and leave.
00:08:09This is the opportunity of a lifetime, Janet,
00:08:11and I'm not going to let you pass it up.
00:08:13Just come on, please, just come on.
00:08:15Just read the first page.
00:08:17You'll see, it's obvious.
00:08:18I swear you'll love it.
00:08:20Just read the first page and you will see.
00:08:22I'm going to change the game with this one.
00:08:24We're going to.
00:08:26If I read the first page for you,
00:08:29will you get out of here?
00:08:31Sure.
00:08:56That's it?
00:08:58I did what I said I would do.
00:09:00Well, were you reading or paying attention
00:09:02or were you just moving your eyeballs up and down?
00:09:04I paid attention.
00:09:08It's just not up to your standards, then?
00:09:10Why don't you read it again?
00:09:12Aloud.
00:09:14No, Walter, I did what I said I was going to do.
00:09:16Now you fulfill your end of the bargain.
00:09:18Yeah, I don't think so.
00:09:20I'm sorry?
00:09:22I'm not leaving until you agree to be in my movie, Janet.
00:09:26I'm not going to say it again, Walter.
00:09:28Now, kindly, get the fuck out of my house.
00:09:30Now.
00:09:32Yeah, I think I'll stay a little longer.
00:09:36But you said
00:09:38you would leave
00:09:40after I read the first page.
00:09:42No.
00:09:44No.
00:09:46No.
00:09:48No.
00:09:50I said sure.
00:09:52You know what sure means, right, Janet?
00:09:54Whoa!
00:09:56What are you doing?
00:09:58What are you doing? You can't do that.
00:10:00That's mine.
00:10:02You didn't think this was actually for you, did you, Janet?
00:10:04It's just my way to get inside your door.
00:10:06It's all an act, remember?
00:10:08I'm no delivery boy.
00:10:10I had this hat made at the mall.
00:10:12What the hell's a JP solution anyway?
00:10:14It's just so random.
00:10:17What's in that box?
00:10:19Oh, just some things.
00:10:21Just some gear and props and things.
00:10:23For what?
00:10:25For shooting it.
00:10:27Shooting what?
00:10:29Shooting our movie, silly.
00:10:31We're shooting it tonight, right here in your house.
00:10:33You see how convenient that is?
00:10:35We come to you.
00:10:37Hope you got good lighting.
00:10:39You play the girl, I'll play the guy.
00:10:41I already memorized my lines,
00:10:43so I hope you're a quick study.
00:10:45You're serious?
00:10:47Well, yeah.
00:10:49I'm not leaving till this movie's in the can, Janet.
00:11:03What are you doing?
00:11:05You did this to yourself, Janet!
00:11:07Ow! Ow! You're hurting me!
00:11:11Where's the closet?
00:11:13A closet, you know,
00:11:15hangers, rods, jackets.
00:11:17In the hallway, over there,
00:11:19in the hallway!
00:11:21I give you this amazing opportunity, Janet,
00:11:23and that's the thanks that I get?
00:11:25You push me over when I'm not looking?
00:11:27Better off not putting up a fight, you girl.
00:11:29Not like anyone else
00:11:31is passing you in anything.
00:11:33No, no, no!
00:11:35That's what you get!
00:11:37Why are you doing this to me?
00:11:39Why are you doing this to me?
00:11:41Why aren't you cooperating with me, Janet?
00:11:43You're a sick freak!
00:11:45This is never gonna work!
00:11:47Not with that attitude, it won't.
00:11:49You don't have to do this to me!
00:11:51Please!
00:11:53Why? Why are you doing this?
00:11:55Ah!
00:11:57I suggest you read that script.
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00:13:21Peace offering.
00:13:23Kale, almond butter, almond milk,
00:13:25banana, and flaxseed, just the way you like it.
00:13:27So says Us Weekly, issue 929,
00:13:29December 3rd, 2012.
00:13:31Hope they got it right.
00:13:33Go ahead.
00:13:39See?
00:13:41I'm not such a bad guy.
00:13:43So is reading my script.
00:13:45I tried.
00:13:47But my hands are cuffed.
00:13:49Oh, yeah.
00:13:51How's she supposed to turn the page with her hands
00:13:53taped behind her back, Walter?
00:13:55Stupid, stupid, stupid!
00:13:59Keep drinking.
00:14:03One more.
00:14:05Mama needs her energy.
00:14:07It's gonna be a loooooooong
00:14:09night.
00:14:15Good.
00:14:19Helps her daisy now.
00:14:21Ah!
00:14:23Gum.
00:14:25You changed?
00:14:27Into my costume, yeah.
00:14:29What do you think?
00:14:31Instant Gustav, right?
00:14:33Who?
00:14:35Gustav.
00:14:37My character.
00:14:39You'd know that if you read the script, Janet.
00:14:41Oh, I found your phone, by the way.
00:14:43You want it?
00:14:45Yes.
00:14:47I'm gonna go get it.
00:14:49I'm gonna go get it.
00:14:51I'm gonna go get it.
00:14:53Yes.
00:15:03No.
00:15:05So,
00:15:07I was thinking we'd start with the audition.
00:15:09The what?
00:15:11The audition.
00:15:13I just need to know that you can do this, Janet.
00:15:15I mean, you're kinda out of practice.
00:15:17When's the last movie you were in?
00:15:19That doesn't matter.
00:15:22You don't like it?
00:15:24Go be a dental hygienist with that attitude over there.
00:15:26Do I need to throw you back in the closet for a little longer?
00:15:28Let's shut her up.
00:15:30I'm your knight in shining armor, Janet.
00:15:32I'm trying to save you.
00:15:34But I can't save you
00:15:36if you're not save-able.
00:15:38You know what I mean?
00:15:40Not really.
00:15:46So you stand there,
00:15:48and I'll sit here on this couch here.
00:15:50Heh.
00:15:52It's a casting couch.
00:15:54Oh, yeah.
00:16:10All right.
00:16:12So, for this audition,
00:16:14I was thinking that you'd do your big monologue
00:16:16from Mother, May I?
00:16:18The movie from when I was 10?
00:16:20Yeah. You remember it, don't you?
00:16:22I think so.
00:16:24Great.
00:16:26When you're ready.
00:16:28I need to be
00:16:30uncuffed for that speech.
00:16:32Oh, and why's that?
00:16:34To do it right.
00:16:36I need to use my arms, you know, to act
00:16:38properly.
00:16:40Nice try, Janet, but it's just some words.
00:16:42Just say the words. You don't need your arms.
00:16:44The girl in the movie didn't use her arms.
00:16:46She was just standing in the doorway.
00:16:48Well, actually, she was pretty animated,
00:16:50so...
00:16:52Fine.
00:16:54I'll do it like this.
00:16:56I'll do it like this.
00:16:58State your name
00:17:00and age before you begin.
00:17:02Janet Gillespie, 38 years old.
00:17:04Ahem.
00:17:0642 years old.
00:17:08Ahem.
00:17:10Ahem.
00:17:12Ahem.
00:17:14Ahem.
00:17:16Ahem.
00:17:18I'm 44, all right?
00:17:20All right, all right.
00:17:22When you're ready.
00:17:28Mommy, cut!
00:17:30What was that?
00:17:32What?
00:17:34That. You're doing it like you would today,
00:17:36like your 44-year-old self would do it with your 77-year-old mom.
00:17:38How did you know?
00:17:40I want you to do it like you did it when you did it.
00:17:42Mommy.
00:17:44But like...
00:17:46Mommy!
00:17:48You want me to do baby voice?
00:17:50Now she's getting it.
00:17:52When you're ready.
00:18:04Mommy?
00:18:06Sit.
00:18:08I can't sweep.
00:18:10The monster's back
00:18:12and he's kicking my bed.
00:18:14Can I sweep with you tonight, Mommy?
00:18:16I'll be good.
00:18:18Please, Mommy, I'm scared.
00:18:20I know you said
00:18:22no more sweepovers,
00:18:24but this isn't like before.
00:18:26He's taunting me, Mommy.
00:18:28He's chanting.
00:18:30Tonight!
00:18:32Tonight!
00:18:34Tonight!
00:18:36Over and over
00:18:38and over.
00:18:40Please don't let him hurt me
00:18:42like you do, Mommy.
00:18:49Bravo, madam.
00:18:51Bravo.
00:18:53That was exquisite.
00:18:55I mean, you flubbed a few lines here and there,
00:18:57but who's counting?
00:18:59Me.
00:19:01But still, quite good.
00:19:03Did I get the part?
00:19:05We'll let you know.
00:19:08Janet Rose Gillespie,
00:19:10will you play
00:19:12Claudia St. Germain
00:19:14D'Agostino Schwartz
00:19:16in my film Water Under the Fridge?
00:19:18Do I have a choice?
00:19:20No.
00:19:22Then I guess so.
00:19:24Great!
00:19:26Well, let's get you in wardrobe
00:19:28and shoot the fucker, huh?
00:19:38This is the dress
00:19:40from Mother, May I?
00:19:42Huh? I guess it kind of is.
00:19:44I'll leave you with that.
00:19:49You're shooting this POV?
00:19:51The what now?
00:19:53Point of view?
00:19:55From the character's perspective?
00:19:57Oh, POV!
00:19:59I thought you said POB.
00:20:01I was like,
00:20:03never heard that film term before.
00:20:05Amateur.
00:20:08I'm glad I am.
00:20:10That way I won't incriminate myself on camera.
00:20:12It's genius, right?
00:20:14I thought it through, Janet.
00:20:16Have you ever made a movie before?
00:20:18I resent that!
00:20:20What, you think I'm some novice who doesn't know what he's doing?
00:20:22I was just wondering if I had seen your work.
00:20:24Well, that depends.
00:20:26You ever watch hidden camera videos from the women's restroom?
00:20:28Can't say that I have.
00:20:30Well, then you probably haven't seen my work.
00:20:38When you ready?
00:20:40Ready.
00:20:42Already?
00:20:44Took me a month to memorize those lines when I wrote them.
00:20:46Quiet on the set!
00:20:48Always wanted to say that.
00:20:50I'm glad you could fulfill your dream.
00:20:52Quiet on the set, Janet!
00:20:54What the fuck?
00:20:56Rolling.
00:20:58Scene one.
00:21:00And...
00:21:02Action!
00:21:04Ma'am?
00:21:06Yes.
00:21:08Hi.
00:21:10Hello.
00:21:12How is you?
00:21:14I'm good.
00:21:16How are you?
00:21:18I am well.
00:21:20And you?
00:21:22I'm fine.
00:21:24Me too.
00:21:26Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:21:28It's me.
00:21:30Gustav.
00:21:32I am the plumber that is fixing the leak in your refrigerator
00:21:34here in your house
00:21:36in the United States of America.
00:21:38Oh, yes.
00:21:40Hi, Gustav.
00:21:42I thought I recognized you.
00:21:44I'm Claudia Sangemay D'Agostino-Schwartz.
00:21:46We met at the door a little over one hour ago
00:21:48and I let you in to fix the leak in my refrigerator.
00:21:50You are coming?
00:21:52You are correct about the timeline.
00:21:54I too remember this.
00:21:56I too remember these things.
00:22:00So,
00:22:02how about the weather?
00:22:04Beautiful, isn't it?
00:22:06And your children?
00:22:08Dead.
00:22:10Hey, would you like some spaghetti and meatballs?
00:22:12Oh...
00:22:14And...
00:22:16Cut!
00:22:18Yes!
00:22:20Yes!
00:22:22I can't believe this is actually happening.
00:22:24So, how did that feel for you?
00:22:26I felt okay.
00:22:28Yeah? Well, I thought you totally brought it, Janet.
00:22:32That's a compliment.
00:22:34Thanks.
00:22:36Uh-huh.
00:22:38All right, let's keep it going.
00:22:40You memorized scene two, huh?
00:22:42We'll shoot it in order.
00:22:44I just gotta go grab some shit.
00:22:46Hey, I'm just curious.
00:22:48How does Claudia get out of this thing?
00:22:52Spoiler alert!
00:22:54No, no,
00:22:56I won't give it away.
00:22:58It's just, it's kind of uncomfortable.
00:23:02Is it?
00:23:04Could you at least
00:23:06uncuff my wrists? I'll keep them behind me.
00:23:08It's just, it's really, really tight.
00:23:10Yeah,
00:23:12I don't think so, Janet.
00:23:14It's only compelling if it's real.
00:23:16That's my whole deal.
00:23:18You see?
00:23:20See the pain you're bringing to this moment?
00:23:22That should be in my film.
00:23:24But no one will know the difference.
00:23:26I'll know.
00:23:28This is a real film we're making here, okay, Janet?
00:23:30This isn't some, uh,
00:23:32some after-school special.
00:23:34Rolling.
00:23:36Scene two.
00:23:38And...
00:23:40action.
00:23:42Can I get you something to drink?
00:23:44It depends.
00:23:46What do you have?
00:23:48Wine, liquor, orange juice,
00:23:50water.
00:23:52I'll take a beer.
00:23:54Thanks.
00:23:56You know,
00:23:58I've been thinking,
00:24:00you know,
00:24:03you know what?
00:24:05I'll grab it myself.
00:24:15To new best friends.
00:24:17To new best friends.
00:24:33Uh...
00:24:43Uh...
00:24:45Uh...
00:24:47Hey.
00:24:49You aren't Lotlian, are you?
00:24:51Hell no!
00:24:53Oh, good. I hate Lotlians.
00:24:55Did you always want to be a plumber?
00:24:57Ever since I can remember.
00:24:59It's typical.
00:25:01What about you?
00:25:03What is it that you do,
00:25:05and did you always want to do it?
00:25:07I'm a nurse at the local hospital.
00:25:09You know, the one on the street
00:25:11with the floors and the rooms
00:25:13and the sick people?
00:25:15Scene.
00:25:17Wait for it...
00:25:19and...
00:25:21cut!
00:25:25What?
00:25:27Nothing.
00:25:29You sure about that, Janet?
00:25:31Yeah.
00:25:33You say so.
00:25:35All right, now in scene three,
00:25:37Claudia starts falling for Gustav.
00:25:39But just for a brief moment, like,
00:25:41could he be the one?
00:25:43It's just a look,
00:25:45and I need you to nail it.
00:25:47On my go. You got it?
00:25:49Yeah.
00:25:53Rolling!
00:25:55Scene three.
00:25:57And... action!
00:25:59So,
00:26:01do you come here often?
00:26:03Can't say that I am.
00:26:05Well, then I'll have to show you around.
00:26:07I used to do tours at the...
00:26:09at the college, at the university.
00:26:11Those were the days.
00:26:13Did you go to college?
00:26:15I visited. My friend Phil went.
00:26:17Maybe you know him.
00:26:19I know Phil very well.
00:26:21Great guy.
00:26:23The best.
00:26:25Both his parents died
00:26:27when he was young, and he ended up
00:26:29in an orphanage where he was abused
00:26:31like every single day.
00:26:33He was separated from his brother
00:26:35who was buried alive!
00:26:40All of his aunts and uncles
00:26:42are in prison for life!
00:26:44He's on parole!
00:26:46And his grandmother
00:26:48was born with an upside-down face!
00:26:50Yay!
00:27:00Look.
00:27:02Do the look.
00:27:20Say,
00:27:22do you have aids?
00:27:24Not that I know of.
00:27:26Too bad.
00:27:28Well, maybe just one aid,
00:27:30but definitely no more than that.
00:27:32Shouldn't it be called hinders, though?
00:27:34Hinders?
00:27:36Yeah! Think about it.
00:27:38They don't aid you.
00:27:40They hinder you. They impede you.
00:27:42Hinders!
00:27:44I never thought about it like that.
00:27:46I'm gonna start saying that.
00:27:48You should?
00:27:50I think I will.
00:27:52When?
00:27:54How about now?
00:27:56You mean right now?
00:27:58Right now!
00:28:00Screw it. You know what?
00:28:02You're right.
00:28:04Here goes nothing.
00:28:06Hinders.
00:28:08Feels great, doesn't it?
00:28:10It sure is.
00:28:12And how is the spaghetti
00:28:14tasting for you?
00:28:16By the way,
00:28:18do you have any money I can borrow?
00:28:20You mean besides what I owe you
00:28:22for the plumbing?
00:28:24Yes!
00:28:26How much do you need?
00:28:28Actually, you know what?
00:28:30You can have it all.
00:28:32You don't have to pay me back or anything.
00:28:34What's mine is yours. Have at it.
00:28:36Keep standing there.
00:28:40Cut!
00:28:42You take good direction.
00:28:44Nice job on that look.
00:28:48Now what?
00:28:50Nothing, Walter.
00:28:52No, Janet. It's the third time you're being all like that
00:28:54between scenes, so just spit it out.
00:28:56You clearly have something on your mind,
00:28:58so just get it off your mind.
00:29:00Or your chest. Or whatever.
00:29:02You know what I mean. Shut up! God!
00:29:04Fine, Walter.
00:29:06I'm sorry, but this movie
00:29:08is ridiculous.
00:29:10In what way?
00:29:13Every way.
00:29:15Why is Claudia
00:29:17attached to this dolly?
00:29:19Why would Claudia invite Gustav for dinner?
00:29:21How did Claudia make dinner
00:29:23in the first place?
00:29:25Why would Claudia offer Gustav all her money?
00:29:27How did Claudia
00:29:29answer the door like this?
00:29:31Literally everything
00:29:33you've written makes no sense
00:29:35at all.
00:29:37You can't answer
00:29:39any of my questions, can you?
00:29:41Yes, I can.
00:29:43I just don't feel like it right now.
00:29:45What were they again?
00:29:47Why does Claudia fall for this guy?
00:29:49Because it's a love story.
00:29:51And that's what happens in love stories. Love.
00:29:53I know. But what is it
00:29:55about Gustav
00:29:57that Claudia finds so attractive?
00:29:59I don't know.
00:30:01You wrote it!
00:30:03So?
00:30:05So, you should know why the characters
00:30:07do what they do.
00:30:09Why is she attached
00:30:11to the dolly? She likes it!
00:30:13Look, we don't have time for this.
00:30:15Just say the lines that I wrote.
00:30:17We're not making this up as we go along.
00:30:19Now, where do you keep your dough?
00:30:21My dough?
00:30:23Your dough. Your dough.
00:30:25The dough you keep in your house.
00:30:27I don't keep any dough in my house.
00:30:29Come again?
00:30:31We are talking about money, right?
00:30:33Moolah. Cheddar.
00:30:35I don't keep any money in my house.
00:30:37Paragraph 3,
00:30:39page 166 of your autobiography.
00:30:41Quote.
00:30:43I always keep a pile of cash lying around my house.
00:30:45Just in case.
00:30:47Or was that your ghostwriter writing?
00:30:49By the way,
00:30:51it's a pretty dumb thing to stick in your book.
00:30:53I was a lot richer then.
00:30:55Old habits die hard.
00:30:57And it looks like you're doing just fine
00:30:59to me, Janet.
00:31:01Fine to me.
00:31:07What are you gonna do with that?
00:31:09Please, Walter.
00:31:11Please.
00:31:13That's my safety money and I'm already tapping into it.
00:31:15But Janet,
00:31:17how am I supposed to pay for all this?
00:31:19Making movies is very expensive.
00:31:21I'll tell you what, I'll give you points on the back end.
00:31:23This thing's gonna be the sleeper hit of the summer, Janet.
00:31:25Depending which season it comes out.
00:31:27Fall.
00:31:29Winter.
00:31:33Spring.
00:31:35I know the seasons.
00:31:37Do you?
00:31:39Look!
00:31:41There's a money ladder!
00:31:45Alright.
00:31:47It's in the crock pot.
00:31:49In the cabinet next to the refrigerator.
00:31:51What is?
00:31:53My money.
00:31:55You keep your money in the crock pot.
00:31:57That's correct.
00:31:59I keep my money in the crock pot.
00:32:01Now, any more questions?
00:32:03But why?
00:32:05Same reason you're asking.
00:32:07Because nobody thinks to look there.
00:32:09I guess not.
00:32:11Hiding in plain sight.
00:32:13You're an evil genius.
00:32:15We're so alike right now.
00:32:19I'm gonna go get that.
00:32:21Claudia keeps hers in the couch.
00:32:23Jesus!
00:32:29Holy shit!
00:32:31How much money is this?
00:32:33Like 30 grand.
00:32:3530 grand?
00:32:37I'm rich!
00:32:40Ha ha ha!
00:32:52And...
00:32:54Action!
00:32:56So, earlier you offered me the monies.
00:32:58Yes.
00:33:00I recall that as well.
00:33:02I should hope so.
00:33:04The memory is a pretty important thing to remember these days.
00:33:06Can you show me where it is?
00:33:08Absolutely.
00:33:10I also have some jewelry if you want that too.
00:33:12Sure!
00:33:14I take some jewelry.
00:33:16And how about that tour along the way?
00:33:18I drive, you navigate.
00:33:30So...
00:33:32I thought we would start in the kitchen
00:33:34since that is where we are currently at.
00:33:36Damn it!
00:34:06Say that again.
00:34:08So, I thought we would start in the kitchen
00:34:10since that is currently where we are at.
00:34:12The kitchen is typically where I cook my food
00:34:14and do my dishes.
00:34:16Sometimes I eat at that thing over there.
00:34:18It's called a table.
00:34:20It's not unlike that other thing.
00:34:22We ate it in the dining room.
00:34:24Huh.
00:34:26Those are windows.
00:34:28Are you familiar with windows?
00:34:30Not entirely.
00:34:32Well, those are the windows.
00:34:34Not entirely.
00:34:36Well, they're called windows and they're made out of glass.
00:34:38So you can see through them when they're shut
00:34:40or you can open them up for some fresh H2O.
00:34:42Mmm!
00:34:44I love H2O!
00:34:46You can't breathe without it.
00:34:48No, you cannot!
00:34:50Oh!
00:34:52Wait till you see this.
00:34:54Light switch.
00:34:56Interesting.
00:34:58What does it do?
00:35:00It controls the lights.
00:35:02On or off?
00:35:04Can you flip it in the middle?
00:35:06Sometimes.
00:35:08Now, wait. Hang on.
00:35:10Back up.
00:35:12You're saying they figured out a way to manufacture light
00:35:14so that we can, like, control it?
00:35:16Aren't inventions neat?
00:35:18They're called light bulbs
00:35:20and you can find them at the hardware stores.
00:35:22Can you remind me of that later?
00:35:24That's something I should have for my house.
00:35:26It's been getting dark in there at night lately.
00:35:28I can get you a pen
00:35:30if you'd like to write it down.
00:35:32I never learned how.
00:35:34So, what's next?
00:35:36I like your house, by the way.
00:35:38This is the dining room,
00:35:40as you know.
00:35:44Living room.
00:35:46Guest bedroom.
00:35:50Bathroom.
00:35:54Master bedroom,
00:35:56which is where I sleep and make babies
00:35:58from time to time.
00:36:00And finally, the den,
00:36:02which is where you'll find my money.
00:36:08And...
00:36:10Cut!
00:36:12You didn't react.
00:36:14What do you mean?
00:36:16I mean, Gustav just found 30 grand
00:36:18and pocketed it like it was nothing.
00:36:20So?
00:36:22So that's not how you'd react
00:36:24if you just found 30 grand.
00:36:26You literally just found 30 grand
00:36:28and nearly lost your shit.
00:36:30You can't use that against me.
00:36:32Why not?
00:36:34Because I'm not playing myself.
00:36:36I'm playing Gustav.
00:36:38That's how Gustav reacts.
00:36:40He's low-key like that.
00:36:42I'm sorry, no.
00:36:44And it's just sitting there on the couch?
00:36:46Like, what?
00:36:48She just leaves 30 grand on the couch?
00:36:50Who's directing this movie, Janet?
00:36:52Me or you?
00:36:55Now, how about that jewelry?
00:36:57What jewelry?
00:36:59Your jewelry.
00:37:01You're not touching my jewelry.
00:37:03Maybe not right now, but...
00:37:05Why are you doing this to me?
00:37:07Some of that jewelry belonged to my grandmother.
00:37:09Because it's only
00:37:11compelling
00:37:13if it's real.
00:37:15Now I'm gonna give you
00:37:17three seconds to tell me
00:37:19where you keep it.
00:37:21Okay.
00:37:23To tell me where you keep it.
00:37:25One.
00:37:27Two.
00:37:312.3.
00:37:332.6.
00:37:35Five.
00:37:372.9.
00:37:39Seven. Three.
00:37:41Five. Six.
00:37:43Five. Five.
00:37:45Nine.
00:37:47It's back in my bedroom on top of my dresser.
00:37:49That's where
00:37:51Claudia keeps hers.
00:37:57And action.
00:38:01My jewelry's back in my bedroom.
00:38:03If you want that, too.
00:38:05If you insist.
00:38:07I do.
00:38:09I was gonna throw it away anyway.
00:38:11So you're saving me a trip
00:38:13to the dumpster.
00:38:15I aim to please.
00:38:17Hmm.
00:38:21There it is.
00:38:23On the dresser.
00:38:27You sure you don't want to keep a few of these diamonds?
00:38:29Nah.
00:38:31Good riddance is what I say.
00:38:33I say that, too, sometimes.
00:38:35Fine by me.
00:38:37And...
00:38:39Cut.
00:38:41I think this has gone far enough.
00:38:43Do you, Janet?
00:38:45Sorry, Janet, but we're running out of time.
00:38:47I'm sorry.
00:38:49Do you, Janet?
00:38:51Sorry, Janet, but we're not making a short Janet.
00:38:53Would you please stop saying my name?
00:38:55What, Janet?
00:38:57Stop saying my name.
00:38:59What, Janet?
00:39:01What did I just say?
00:39:03Janet, please.
00:39:05What is wrong with you, man?
00:39:07I am trying to tell you something.
00:39:09Janet, come on.
00:39:11How are you not getting this guy, huh?
00:39:13All right, look.
00:39:15I see that you're upset about something,
00:39:17but it doesn't matter.
00:39:21Janet.
00:39:23You piece of shit!
00:39:25Give me back my stuff!
00:39:27Let me out of this thing!
00:39:29What is fucking wrong with you?
00:39:33And...
00:39:35Action.
00:39:37Whoa!
00:39:39Whoa!
00:39:41Whoa!
00:39:43Whoa!
00:39:45Whoa!
00:39:47I have something you can put that in.
00:39:49That would be helpful.
00:39:51Yes.
00:39:53And would you like to know what it is?
00:39:55Can I guess what it is?
00:39:57I'm very good at guessing.
00:39:59I don't see why.
00:40:01Great!
00:40:03Is it a reusable grocery bag?
00:40:05Nope.
00:40:07Is it one of those sticks
00:40:09with a handkerchief at the end?
00:40:11No.
00:40:13Is it a...
00:40:15a reusable grocery bag?
00:40:17Nope.
00:40:19It's a...
00:40:21Say the line.
00:40:252018.
00:40:27Mercedes
00:40:29G-Wagon.
00:40:33A-M-G.
00:40:37You sure about that?
00:40:39I probably don't need anything that big.
00:40:41Sure, I'm sure.
00:40:43I want you to have it.
00:40:45You need it worse than me.
00:40:47You don't know that.
00:40:49I do very well.
00:40:51Either way,
00:40:53the keys are by the door.
00:40:57And...
00:40:59Cut!
00:41:07Don't think I don't know what you're doing here
00:41:09with your little movie.
00:41:15What am I doing with it?
00:41:17Using it
00:41:19as an excuse
00:41:21to steal my shit.
00:41:23Oh, it's not me.
00:41:25It's Gustav.
00:41:27Well, let me ask you this.
00:41:29Who's keeping everything
00:41:31after the shoot?
00:41:33I told you.
00:41:35Movies are very expensive.
00:41:38You're shooting it on your forehead, dude.
00:41:40Admit it.
00:41:42You're making this movie to justify your kleptomania.
00:41:44I can see what you're doing
00:41:46a mile away.
00:41:48Are you a psychiatrist or something?
00:41:50No, but I've seen one long enough.
00:41:52And you're not the first scumbag director
00:41:54I've worked for.
00:41:56The worst, but not the first.
00:41:58Now that one hurts.
00:42:00You've never even seen my work.
00:42:02I've seen enough.
00:42:04Ugh.
00:42:06What?
00:42:08I feel
00:42:10tingly.
00:42:12Oh, my God.
00:42:14I feel
00:42:16like I'm on
00:42:18painkillers.
00:42:34You
00:42:36You
00:42:38You
00:42:40You
00:42:42You
00:42:44You
00:42:46You
00:42:48You
00:42:50You
00:42:52You
00:42:54You
00:42:56You
00:42:58You
00:43:00You
00:43:02Would
00:43:04that be such a bad thing?
00:43:06That would be a very
00:43:08bad thing.
00:43:10But you love Oxycontin.
00:43:12Who said anything?
00:43:18You.
00:43:20You did this to me.
00:43:22Guilty as charged.
00:43:24Why?
00:43:26How?
00:43:28In your smoothie.
00:43:30Whoops.
00:43:32Forgot to mention that ingredient.
00:43:34I can never remember recipes.
00:43:36People are always asking me about my burger,
00:43:38and I'm just like,
00:43:40I know there's a spatula involved.
00:43:42You said you prefer acting fucked up.
00:43:44You said you're better on it.
00:43:46When did I say that?
00:43:48June 28th, 2009.
00:43:50Access Hollywood, inside scoop.
00:43:52How do you know all these
00:43:54dates and pages?
00:43:56I keep a stalker's wall at my house.
00:43:58My entire place is basically one big
00:44:00ewe collage.
00:44:02You said you were on Painkillers and you did
00:44:04Angel School 3. That movie kicked ass.
00:44:06That movie sucked.
00:44:08I've been
00:44:10clean for three
00:44:12years. Do you know
00:44:14how hard that was for me?
00:44:16But you said you do your best work on it.
00:44:18You said so yourself.
00:44:20I was probably high when I
00:44:22said that.
00:44:24If anything, it hinders
00:44:26my performance.
00:44:28See? This movie's so
00:44:30quotable.
00:44:32Why did you do this to me?
00:44:34I thought you would
00:44:36like it. I thought it would give you that extra
00:44:38push.
00:44:40You took my money.
00:44:42You took my
00:44:44jewelry. You took my car.
00:44:46You took my
00:44:48sobriety.
00:44:50What more do you want from me?
00:44:52Just
00:44:54a few more things. Not that much more.
00:44:56Just a couple more things.
00:45:00How much did you give me?
00:45:02What dosage?
00:45:04The whole bottle.
00:45:06The whole bottle?
00:45:08Yeah, but you only took like
00:45:10three sips.
00:45:12That's gonna kill me!
00:45:14The whole bottle's
00:45:16gonna fucking kill me!
00:45:18Oh, Janet.
00:45:20Janet, that's not
00:45:22what's gonna kill you.
00:45:28Action!
00:45:46I'll get that in the morning.
00:45:49Action!
00:45:57I was gonna reupholster that anyway.
00:45:59Action!
00:46:08Those things are so
00:46:10stupid. Cut!
00:46:12Cut! Cut!
00:46:16Those are my cat's ashes.
00:46:18Why would you do that?
00:46:20See, but that's just it. I didn't do it.
00:46:22Gustav did it.
00:46:24He can be a klutz, but he means well.
00:46:26But why would that be a
00:46:28scene in your movie?
00:46:30He's just going around
00:46:32destroying things.
00:46:34He likes her.
00:46:36So he destroys her things?
00:46:38Yeah. He's animal like that.
00:46:40So is she.
00:46:42They're a match made in heaven.
00:46:48I'm sorry, Walter.
00:46:50But I'm gonna
00:46:52have to put my foot down.
00:46:54This is
00:46:56bullshit.
00:46:58And I
00:47:00will no longer
00:47:02comply.
00:47:04Won't you?
00:47:18Please don't.
00:47:20I'll be good.
00:47:22What are you doing?
00:47:24Forget I said anything.
00:47:26What's that, Janet?
00:47:28Can't hear you.
00:47:32There's something you don't know
00:47:34about me, Janet.
00:47:36I do not
00:47:38fuck around.
00:47:40There's something you don't know about me, Janet.
00:47:42I
00:47:44do not
00:47:46fuck around.
00:47:48I should shoot this.
00:47:50Rolling.
00:47:52I'll take scene one.
00:47:54Action!
00:47:56No!
00:47:58No!
00:48:00No!
00:48:02No!
00:48:04No!
00:48:06No!
00:48:08And cut.
00:48:14Let's see if your fans still adore you with nine
00:48:16toes, Janet. Better yet,
00:48:18let's see if they still think you're pretty
00:48:20with one ear or no noses.
00:48:22Can't hear you, Janet. You're mumbling.
00:48:24Didn't you take voice and speech?
00:48:26Someone hasn't been practicing their tone twisters.
00:48:28Oh, come on.
00:48:30It's only a toe.
00:48:32Actresses.
00:48:34Can you imagine if I hadn't dosed you?
00:48:36You'd really be hurting.
00:48:38So what do you say?
00:48:40You gonna stop annoying the shit out of me
00:48:42between scenes?
00:48:44Yeah? You gonna be a good little
00:48:46actress and stay in your lane?
00:48:48Good.
00:48:50You just need a little motivation,
00:48:52that's all. What's my motivation?
00:48:54Not getting all my body parts
00:48:56ripped off?
00:48:58Let's get you all patched up.
00:49:06You know,
00:49:08when I was a kid,
00:49:10my parents used to ship me off
00:49:12to sleepaway camp each summer.
00:49:14For everyone else,
00:49:16that's the dream.
00:49:18For me,
00:49:20it was a living hell.
00:49:22Every summer, it was the same
00:49:24story.
00:49:26I'd go to bed,
00:49:28I'd go to bed,
00:49:30I'd go to bed,
00:49:32I'd go to bed,
00:49:34same old story.
00:49:36I got bullied day in
00:49:38and day out.
00:49:40Yeah, I got bullied in school.
00:49:42But Jake,
00:49:44Jake,
00:49:46he took it to the next level.
00:49:48He was relentless.
00:49:50He abused me whenever
00:49:52he got the chance,
00:49:54mentally and physically.
00:49:56Didn't matter where we were
00:49:58or who was watching,
00:50:00he'd cut me down and beat me up.
00:50:02One night I woke up
00:50:04to getting elbowed in the mouth.
00:50:06Would you believe that?
00:50:08He elbowed me in my
00:50:10sleep. Had to get
00:50:12a dozen stitches on the inside of my lip
00:50:14for that one. But nothing happened
00:50:16to Jake. Nothing ever happened to
00:50:18Jake. They just kept sticking me back
00:50:20in his bunk every year
00:50:22so he could try to outdo himself.
00:50:26Anyway,
00:50:28I know how you feel,
00:50:30is all.
00:50:37I'm sorry
00:50:39you had to go through that, Walter.
00:50:41Me too.
00:50:43I know how
00:50:45shit like that can traumatize a person
00:50:47for life.
00:50:49Now I see why you're doing this to me.
00:50:51Because
00:50:53other people did it to you.
00:50:55You really think so?
00:50:58I know so.
00:51:00This is all Jake's
00:51:02fault. Exactly.
00:51:04I'm damaged goods so
00:51:06I damage goods.
00:51:08Thank you
00:51:10for bandaging me up, Walter.
00:51:12I'll always fix
00:51:14you up, Janet. You know that,
00:51:16right? Yeah.
00:51:18Huh?
00:51:20I do, Walter.
00:51:22Good.
00:51:24You only push a man so
00:51:26hard before he breaks.
00:51:28I know.
00:51:30I'm sorry for making you rip my toe off.
00:51:32No.
00:51:34What were you thinking?
00:51:36I wasn't.
00:51:38And I'm sorry
00:51:40I've been so critical of your movie.
00:51:42It's really
00:51:44quite charming.
00:51:46And besides, I have been at plenty of things
00:51:48I thought would never work out and they killed.
00:51:50So you never know.
00:51:52I haven't even read the whole script.
00:51:54I shouldn't judge a book
00:51:56by its cover. That's what
00:51:58I'm saying.
00:52:00You know, now that I think
00:52:02of it, I know
00:52:04a producer who loves this sort of
00:52:06renegade type filmmaking.
00:52:08You know, running gun
00:52:10hit whatever it takes to
00:52:12get the shot type deal.
00:52:14I could connect you with him if you
00:52:16want. You'd do that for me?
00:52:18Absolutely.
00:52:20Absolutely.
00:52:22So
00:52:24what do you say
00:52:26we get a fresh start
00:52:28and we
00:52:30finish your movie without a hitch?
00:52:32I'd like that.
00:52:36I would too.
00:52:38Rolling.
00:52:40Scene ten.
00:52:42And action.
00:52:50Cut.
00:52:56Can you look somewhere else?
00:52:58Totally.
00:53:00Scene ten, take two.
00:53:02Action.
00:53:04Cut.
00:53:26Cut.
00:53:30I think I'm constipated.
00:53:34This is probably a
00:53:36stupid question, but
00:53:38are you trying to actually
00:53:40poop on camera?
00:53:42Damn it, Janet! It's only
00:53:44compelling if it's real.
00:53:46You're right. You're right. And I agree.
00:53:48I totally agree.
00:53:50Maybe it's
00:53:52because I'm here. You could put me
00:53:54out in the hallway.
00:53:56No. She'd be
00:53:58in the bathroom with him.
00:54:00Right. Of course she would.
00:54:02Of course. Right.
00:54:06Scene ten, take three.
00:54:08Action.
00:54:24God fucking damn it!
00:54:26God damn it!
00:54:32Try singing the National Anthem.
00:54:34What?
00:54:36You're putting too much pressure on yourself.
00:54:38Try clearing your mind.
00:54:40The National Anthem
00:54:42usually works because the tune
00:54:44meanders and the lyrics are meaningless.
00:54:46You can cut around it
00:54:48later.
00:54:56Say, can you see
00:54:58by the dawn's
00:55:00early light
00:55:02What so proudly
00:55:04we hailed
00:55:06at the twilight's
00:55:08last gleaming
00:55:20In the rocket's
00:55:22red glare
00:55:24The bombs bursting
00:55:26in air
00:55:28Gave proof
00:55:30through the night
00:55:32that our flag
00:55:34was still there
00:55:36O say
00:55:38does that
00:55:40star-spangled
00:55:42banner yet
00:55:44wave
00:55:50O'er the land
00:55:52of the free
00:56:02and the home
00:56:06of the brave
00:56:22Brrrr!
00:56:34Brave.
00:56:38Cut.
00:56:52Phew.
00:56:56You just got yourself
00:56:58a special thanks credit, little lady.
00:57:18Are you familiar with wheelchair dance?
00:57:21I'm afraid I'm not.
00:57:23That's where a bunch of cripples
00:57:25rent out a ballroom, dance around
00:57:27in their little wheelchairs.
00:57:29How lovely.
00:57:31I only ask because that's what we're doing in the next scene.
00:57:33Well, dolly dance.
00:57:35No big deal, but
00:57:37I choreographed a little something.
00:57:39Fun.
00:57:45Rolling.
00:57:47Scene 11.
00:57:49And action.
00:57:51Five, six, five,
00:57:53six, seven, eight.
00:58:11Whee!
00:58:19Whee!
00:58:25Ah!
00:58:27Ah!
00:58:33Whee!
00:58:45Whee!
00:58:49Whee!
00:59:15Cut!
00:59:17You're a great dancer.
00:59:19You're not so bad yourself.
00:59:21I better be. I take it twice a week.
00:59:23I've never taken it.
00:59:25I guess some people just have it.
00:59:27I guess so.
00:59:29That seems right, right?
00:59:31He shits, then they dance.
00:59:33I was gonna put the dance first,
00:59:35but then I thought,
00:59:37nothing makes me wanna dance more
00:59:39than after I bomb Swirl Harbor.
00:59:41Think about it.
00:59:43I'm never as light on my feet
00:59:45as he is.
00:59:47Makes perfect sense to me.
00:59:49Then again,
00:59:51nothing makes me wanna release
00:59:53the hostages more
00:59:55than after I dance.
00:59:57Because it jiggles them loose.
00:59:59Classic witch came first.
01:00:01Luckily, you don't have to decide now.
01:00:03If it doesn't feel right,
01:00:05you can switch them in post.
01:00:07Good point.
01:00:09Look at you, Janet.
01:00:11I'm digging the new vibes.
01:00:13What are we on? Scene 12?
01:00:15Yes.
01:00:17Ah, yes. Scene 12.
01:00:19The grind.
01:00:21The what?
01:00:23Oh, just a little something I'm gonna cut
01:00:25into the dance number.
01:00:27Just give me that look again.
01:00:29You know the one I mean.
01:00:31The one where you gotta have me
01:00:33with all your heart and soul.
01:00:35Roger that, good buddy.
01:00:37And...
01:00:39action!
01:00:43Ah.
01:01:03Ah.
01:01:13Ah.
01:01:29And...
01:01:31Do the look now, now, now!
01:01:37And cut.
01:01:39Ready for the big kiss?
01:01:41Oh, yeah.
01:01:45And...
01:01:47action.
01:01:52Want to...
01:01:54like...
01:01:56do something?
01:01:58What you have in mind?
01:02:01Kiss?
01:02:03Wait a minute.
01:02:05Are you asking me to kiss you right now?
01:02:08How could you tell?
01:02:10It's just a hunch.
01:02:12Wow.
01:02:14You're, like, real smart.
01:02:16So...
01:02:18what do you say?
01:02:20I think I can help you with that.
01:02:30And...
01:02:32cut.
01:02:34You licked my nose.
01:02:36That's Gustav for you.
01:02:38Heavenous.
01:02:40Could you wipe it off, please?
01:02:42I thought we'd go again, actually.
01:02:44Again?
01:02:46Yeah, licking your nose like that...
01:02:48didn't feel right.
01:02:50I agree.
01:02:52From...
01:02:54You're So Smart.
01:02:56Scene 13.
01:02:58Pick up.
01:03:00And...
01:03:02action.
01:03:04Wow.
01:03:07You're, like, real smart.
01:03:11So...
01:03:13what do you say?
01:03:15I think I can help you out with that.
01:03:37And...
01:03:39cut.
01:03:41Jesus fucking Christ, Walter!
01:03:43What is fucking wrong with you?
01:03:45There she is.
01:03:47I'm sorry I tried
01:03:49being your good little actress,
01:03:51but that was fucking foul.
01:03:53I mean, I have had to kiss
01:03:55some pretty repulsive orifices
01:03:57in my day, but that one
01:03:59takes the cake.
01:04:01I'm sorry you had to go through that
01:04:03as a kid, but that does not excuse
01:04:05your actions here.
01:04:07God damn it!
01:04:09I'm Janet Gillespie!
01:04:11People do not fuck with me.
01:04:15Go through what?
01:04:17What?
01:04:19You said,
01:04:21I'm sorry you had to go through that, but whatever,
01:04:23whatever, blah, blah, whatever.
01:04:25Your thing with Jake!
01:04:27Could you wipe me off,
01:04:29please?
01:04:31In a minute. Hang on.
01:04:33How could I have a thing with Jake
01:04:37if I'm Jake?
01:04:39Was I unclear
01:04:41about which character I played in that story?
01:04:43I'm Jake.
01:04:47I'm the bully in that equation.
01:04:51You're Jake?
01:04:53That's... yeah!
01:04:55I elbowed that kid right in his fucking mouth!
01:04:59Oh my God, you're so fucking
01:05:01crazy!
01:05:05Then who is Walter?
01:05:07Nobody at all, just
01:05:09some name I came up with for the delivery guy.
01:05:11But Jake!
01:05:15Jake is somebody.
01:05:17Please let me go, Walter
01:05:19Jake, whatever your name is!
01:05:21Hang in there, Janet.
01:05:23Just a few more scenes, and you won't have
01:05:25to worry about me ever again.
01:05:27Please, please,
01:05:29please let me go.
01:05:31Aw, you're so
01:05:33cute when you cry.
01:05:35But your face smells
01:05:37rancid. What do you say we get you
01:05:39all cleaned up?
01:05:45And we're off!
01:05:52So that's what you look like
01:05:54without all that makeup on.
01:05:56You always wonder what these
01:05:58starlets look like in real life.
01:06:00The answer? Not hot.
01:06:02Is this your makeup kit?
01:06:04Yes.
01:06:06Good.
01:06:08It's gonna touch you up for continuity.
01:06:28Oh.
01:06:46Ready for the big reveal?
01:06:48Yeah.
01:06:53Eh?
01:06:55Mm-hmm.
01:06:57Very nice.
01:07:01Boop.
01:07:03I'm gonna go set the next scene.
01:07:09Sorry for the wait.
01:07:11Lighting's a bitch.
01:07:13My fog machine ran out of fluid.
01:07:15Now if I undue you, you're not gonna run, right?
01:07:19Right, Janet?
01:07:21What are you gonna do to me?
01:07:23Ah!
01:07:25Ah!
01:07:41What are you doing?
01:07:43Ah!
01:07:45No, no, no, no, no.
01:07:47Sit.
01:07:49Come on.
01:07:51You got this.
01:07:54No, no, no, no, no.
01:07:56Scene 14.
01:07:58Rolling.
01:08:00And...action!
01:08:02Ah!
01:08:04Oh, my God!
01:08:06Ah!
01:08:08Ah!
01:08:10Uh...
01:08:12Ah!
01:08:14Ah...
01:08:16Ah...
01:08:18Uh...
01:08:20Uh...
01:08:22Uh...
01:08:24Uh...
01:08:26Ah!
01:08:28Um...
01:08:30Um...
01:08:32Ah!
01:08:34Uh...
01:08:36Ah...
01:08:38Oh, thank God.
01:08:46Fucking finally.
01:08:59You raped me.
01:09:01I did nothing of the sort.
01:09:02Yes, you did, you raped me.
01:09:05Pure information, Janet.
01:09:07Gustav and Claudia had consensual sex.
01:09:10You raped me, you son of a bitch.
01:09:14I can't even, oh my God, you piece of shit.
01:09:18You actually raped me.
01:09:21Are you diseased?
01:09:23Holy fucking shit, you raped me.
01:09:26It's only compelling if it's real.
01:09:29So are you diseased or what?
01:09:33You worry too much.
01:09:34Gustav is clean.
01:09:36I don't give a shit about Gustav.
01:09:38Are you clean, whoever the fuck you are?
01:09:41Well, I don't see how that's any of your business,
01:09:44but considering the fact that that was my first time,
01:09:46I think it's safe to say that I'm clean.
01:09:50That was your first time?
01:09:52I saved myself for you, Janet.
01:09:55Well, plus the countless hookers that I dress like you
01:09:58and hate fuck that look bled, but other than that, yeah.
01:10:03Oh my God.
01:10:05You fucking raped me.
01:10:08It was just for the movie.
01:10:10No, that is not how it's done.
01:10:20All right, let's just, let's just shoot the next scene.
01:10:23Are you fucking kidding me?
01:10:26You just raped me and you want to shoot the next scene?
01:10:29Who the fuck do you think you are?
01:10:31No, I will no longer be acting with you.
01:10:34I'm done.
01:10:36Movie's over.
01:10:38That's a wrap.
01:10:39Come on.
01:10:40It's just one more scene.
01:10:43We're so close.
01:10:50Fuck you.
01:10:53Fuck you and fuck your fucking movie.
01:10:57You drugged me.
01:10:59You tortured me.
01:11:02You've humiliated me, you've degraded me.
01:11:06Janet, let me ask you something.
01:11:10Do you want me to leave your house?
01:11:14That's not rhetorical.
01:11:16Do you want me to leave your house?
01:11:19Yes, I want you to fucking leave.
01:11:24Leave and never come back.
01:11:27Then you got to finish my movie.
01:11:28That's the deal we made.
01:11:31I never made that deal.
01:11:37But I never made that deal.
01:11:50My toe hurts.
01:11:53I need to go to the hospital.
01:12:01Is this really the last scene?
01:12:09Yeah.
01:12:14And you're really going to leave?
01:12:18Yes.
01:12:23Then let's just fucking get it over with.
01:12:27And action.
01:12:31How was that for you?
01:12:33The sex?
01:12:35Amazing, of course.
01:12:37You made me cum like a thousand times.
01:12:41You have a massive penis.
01:12:43I do?
01:12:44Like you don't know.
01:12:45Stop!
01:12:47No, really, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen.
01:12:51And trust me, I'm a huge slut.
01:12:52Well, I used to be.
01:12:54Now I'm, who am I kidding?
01:12:57I'm still a huge slut.
01:12:59Do you really mean it?
01:13:01Yeah, I'm a gigantic slut.
01:13:03No, about my dick.
01:13:07Definitely.
01:13:09You have the biggest dick in the entire universe.
01:13:13Of all time.
01:13:15My insides are jumbly.
01:13:17My bad.
01:13:20No, you're good.
01:13:22Want to go again?
01:13:24I can't.
01:13:25I have to take my billy goals to the dermatologist.
01:13:31Right, right, right.
01:13:34So anyway, back to your penis, it's just so big.
01:13:40And not just long, but thick too and veiny.
01:13:42Your vein alone is larger than most male penises.
01:13:45Definitely larger than my last boyfriend.
01:13:48And he's from Africa.
01:13:50He's white, but still he's from Rhodesia,
01:13:53which technically makes him African.
01:13:56That's a shame.
01:13:58He's gay anyway.
01:14:01And what about my balls?
01:14:03Did you, did you like my balls?
01:14:07Your balls are phenomenal.
01:14:09Perfect spherical shape.
01:14:11Good alignment.
01:14:13Hairy, but not too hairy.
01:14:15Very impressive.
01:14:16And did you get a chance to peruse
01:14:21my aneocavity at all?
01:14:25Are you kidding?
01:14:27I spent enough time down there.
01:14:30It's delightful, monsieur Vandenberg.
01:14:33Truly exquisite.
01:14:34No poo particles whatsoever.
01:14:37So, just to overview.
01:14:40To overview, your penis is unmatched.
01:14:44Your balls are succulent and your anus unsullied.
01:14:49Well, I guess that's it then.
01:14:53I guess that's it.
01:14:59Well, have a nice life.
01:15:05You as well too.
01:15:08As well too.
01:15:16Cut.
01:15:20Ugh, that scene.
01:15:22What about it?
01:15:24It's just about how big your dick is.
01:15:27That's your final scene.
01:15:28What are you talking about?
01:15:29It's a great twist.
01:15:31It's not a twist.
01:15:33Agree to disagree, Janet.
01:15:34That's a great twist.
01:15:36But that's not the final, final scene.
01:15:37That's coming up next.
01:15:38Jeez, making movies is tedious.
01:15:41You said the last scene was the last scene.
01:15:46Well, that's just because this next one's
01:15:47more of a shot than a full scene.
01:15:51Don't worry, you don't have to look at the script.
01:15:53There's no dialogue or anything.
01:15:55Well, what is it?
01:15:57Just this little extra thing at the end.
01:16:01What kind of a thing?
01:16:02Oh, for fuck's sake.
01:16:04Just read it.
01:16:18So he just,
01:16:22he just kills her?
01:16:26And if it's only compelling if it's real,
01:16:29then,
01:16:32then.
01:16:33You guessed it.
01:16:34No, please, please Jake, don't do this to me.
01:16:37Sorry, but I have to.
01:16:40But why?
01:16:42It's gotta look real, Janet.
01:16:43It's called acting, it's make-believe.
01:16:47Well, not to me it isn't.
01:16:48But it makes no sense.
01:16:50Why would he kill her?
01:16:52It makes perfect sense.
01:16:54She's got terminal cancer and he's assisting her suicide.
01:16:59Please, you can't do this to me.
01:17:02I can do whatever I want.
01:17:04No, you can't.
01:17:07I'll ruin the shot.
01:17:09How so?
01:17:09I'll flail and I'll shake my head.
01:17:12I won't read.
01:17:13Well, then I'll scream the whole time
01:17:15and I'll fuck up your sound.
01:17:16Whatever.
01:17:24Please, Jake, you don't wanna do this.
01:17:30No movie is worth somebody's life.
01:17:32My life.
01:17:36Do the right thing.
01:17:38Forget the last scene.
01:17:40Let me go.
01:17:41Destroy the footage and go on your way.
01:17:44Please, please, just go.
01:17:48Just go.
01:17:51I'd like to.
01:17:52I would.
01:17:56You're gonna get in trouble for this.
01:17:59How so?
01:18:01My face is never seen.
01:18:03Weren't you gonna post it online?
01:18:05Yeah.
01:18:06Well, so they'll chase it back to your computer.
01:18:08So I'll use your computer.
01:18:10I'm sorry, Janet, but there's no Hollywood engines
01:18:13in real life.
01:18:15Claudia has to die.
01:18:17And so do you.
01:18:19But why?
01:18:21Tell me why.
01:18:22She wants to know why.
01:18:27Does the name Jacob Roemer ring a bell?
01:18:35Did you say Jacob Roemer?
01:18:38I sure did.
01:18:40As in Jacob Roemer, the stalker
01:18:42who wrote me all those crazy letters.
01:18:43No, you did get my letters.
01:18:47Why didn't you ever write me back?
01:18:49Oh my God.
01:18:50I needed you.
01:18:52I had my own monsters, you know?
01:18:55All I wanted from you was just a little,
01:18:58a little sympathy, a little understanding.
01:19:05You couldn't even give me that.
01:19:07I didn't understand
01:19:10because I didn't have any monsters.
01:19:14You were writing to the girl from Mother, May I?
01:19:18She was a character in a movie, don't you see?
01:19:21That wasn't me, that wasn't me.
01:19:23Yeah, well, by the time I figured that out,
01:19:25it only made me madder.
01:19:26You tricked me.
01:19:29It was just a movie.
01:19:32I was just a little girl.
01:19:34I'm so sorry that I didn't write you back.
01:19:40I, I have a dad and he's sick
01:19:46and I'm all he's got.
01:19:49He has dementia and I'm the one that takes care of him.
01:19:54Please, you don't have to do this.
01:19:59I'm sorry.
01:20:00You don't have to do this.
01:20:06♪ Once in a while, occasionally lately ♪
01:20:10♪ Once in a while, once in a while, never again ♪
01:20:16♪ Okay, well, maybe once in a while, once in a while ♪
01:20:22♪ What could I say, I thought our love was bonafide ♪
01:20:27♪ But to my surprise, once in a while, once in a while ♪
01:20:39♪ I lose it, so have mercy, have mercy on me, Louisey ♪
01:20:48♪ Have mercy, have mercy on me, Louisey ♪
01:20:54♪ Louisey, because it's too soon for me to die ♪
01:21:02♪♪♪
01:21:23♪♪♪
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