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Transcript
00:00My vlog, people!
00:07Hi Josie!
00:12it was so good
00:14I didn't know they had a place for kids
00:19so we went in
00:20and they have like a mini cafe
00:22and they have a huge kitchen
00:24I think it's for kids
00:26I'm so excited
00:27I'm so excited to go in
00:28and get my hair done
00:29and get my hair done
00:30I'm so excited
00:31I'm gonna go get my hair done
00:32I'm so excited
00:33I'm gonna go get it done
00:35I'm so excited
00:35I'm so excited
00:36I'm so excited
00:37Thank you so much
00:38I hit the curb
00:39I did it
00:42Hello guys, I can't remember if I even started the vlog already or not, but I don't think I did so welcome
00:47I just got done getting a haircut. It looks cute. I probably took off like two or three inches
00:52I need a little bit of like texture spray
00:53So I think it's a little bit staticky right now, but I basically just cut it a little shorter added layers
00:57I'm getting a little snack. We have some avocado toast, of course, and then I also got a winter matcha
01:03I don't know what's a wintery about it. I think it just has like cinnamon in it
01:06It's also so bright outside
01:07I think I say this a lot and then I probably cut it out because I'm always like I don't know if it looks good
01:11But I literally like can't see the screen of the camera. So I don't know what's going on
01:14I also got a donut usually get one for the girls. Excuse me today
01:17I went to Pilates earlier if I didn't just say that I swear my short-term memory loss is like actually concerning
01:23It genuinely worries me and I don't know what to do about it. Today. We're doing a little car chat
01:27I posted a tick-tock video. I usually do a lot of Q&A's like over on tick-tock
01:30I'm trying to do on like every Sunday or maybe not every Sunday, but like most Sundays. Okay this toast
01:34She's thick. She's thick, but she's a little floppy in the middle, which isn't always the best but she's seasoned
01:40Well, I actually kind of hate when people say she for stuff. That's like inanimate objects
01:43I don't know why I just did that but
01:45We have to talk about today. All I really want to do is eat this donut. It's a churro donut and it's so good
01:50Oh, I was talking about Q&A's on tick-tock. I posted a video today that was talking. Actually. No, what did I do?
01:57I'm losing my mind a little guys. I don't know what I've been doing
01:59I get a lot of questions about like dating and dating is like a single mom or whatever
02:02So I posted a video today and said I was gonna make a vlog about this because I'm stressed
02:07I am a child of divorce
02:09But my parents got divorced when I was like 20 I think or like 19 like I was married and out of the house
02:15So I didn't grow up with like a step-parent in my home. I didn't grow up with divorced parents
02:21They should have been divorced much earlier, but I really don't have like a lived experience of being a child of divorce
02:27So I do find it helpful to kind of talk about it a little bit online
02:31Just because my kids are so little basically just to get like feedback or opinions or like hear people's experiences
02:37With growing up with divorced parents, especially people whose parents got divorced when they were really young because I don't really feel like I go through
02:45Let me think if this is a true statement before I say it
02:47Actually, I was gonna say I don't feel like I go through a lot of stuff that I like don't feel like I know how
02:52To navigate I don't know if that's true or if I just think if I'm just a know-it-all
02:55I think I like know everything about what I'm doing
02:57But this is obviously concerning to me to make sure that I do not traumatize my children as we move into this new chapter of life
03:05There's obviously been a lot of like big life changes
03:07And I really don't talk a lot about like my divorce and my kids because I don't want to like for their privacy
03:12But this is more from the perspective of like as a mom like how do I navigate?
03:15Dating and different things like that because I just don't know and up until a couple months ago
03:19I was so dead set on like I will never look at another
03:22Specifically will never look at another man again, but mostly I just was not interested in
03:27Dating at all now. I'm like wait. It's kind of fun. Basically. This is just my stream of consciousness
03:33We're just having a little car chat. I just I don't know. I don't know how to navigate something like this
03:37I really don't when you need a little help. You know who you can call a therapist
03:40Thankfully better help is sponsoring it today's video. I actually have therapy tomorrow. I recently decided to
03:47Discontinue couples therapy
03:48I'm just ready to feel like I'm like making progress in therapy growing and healing and doing all the things that therapy is
03:56Supposed to be doing there's been so many changes in my life in the last few years and just a lot of really hard things
04:01to go through I was talking to someone the other day and they were explaining their experience with
04:05therapy like doing their own therapy and they felt like they just had a big wad of like
04:10Struggles and problems that they handed to their therapists and we're like here help me piece by piece
04:14They just like went through and worked things out got it all figured out and now they feel so much better
04:19So I'm hoping that that's how I can feel after doing individual therapy
04:23I've done individual therapy before and it did help but for the last like a little bit it has been couples therapy and now it
04:29Singles therapy so looking forward to that looking forward to just actually feeling like I'm learning about myself
04:36Or like why I am the way that I am like it's been very interesting kind of going on a tangent now
04:40But like it's been really interesting as I am like dating. I feel like my brain won't let me call it that
04:46I think I'm just in denial because I've like never done that before ever and I was so dead set on not doing it
04:51But anyways, it's been very interesting to just learn things about myself from those experiences
04:56And so I feel like now going into my own individual therapy. I have a lot of questions
05:00I'm like, please enlighten me on like how did I get this way? Why am I the way that I am?
05:04Like how do I handle these certain things? How do I navigate certain things?
05:06There's just a lot going on in my life better help is also all online, which is great
05:10That's always how I do. My therapy is online just because it's more convenient for me on their website
05:14You fill out a questionnaire they'll match you with a therapist if you don't end up like vibing with that therapist
05:18There's no fee or anything to change and they'll match with a therapist in as little as a couple days
05:22They have over 30,000 licensed therapists to so lots of different options with lots of like different backgrounds and specialties and especially with it
05:29Being the new year if you've thought about therapy at all
05:31This is a great time to get started just with like new habits and things that everybody likes to do at the beginning of
05:36The year and I do have a link that's gonna be in the description
05:38It's better help calm a slash Aspen that will get you guys a 10% off of your first month
05:43So definitely check that out if you've been interested in therapy, I really think that like basically everyone can benefit from therapy
05:49So anyways, let me go to my tik-tok now because I said we were gonna have this little car chat discussion
05:54And I said you guys could like ask questions on this video, too. Normally I get questions from
05:58Instagram stories, but today we're doing it from tik-tok. It's not even just questions
06:03It's kind of just this is literally just random yappy car chat about dating as a single
06:09Mom, not even just as a single mom. That's honestly not even how I think of myself
06:12I think of myself as dating for the first time literally ever because I have dated one person ever
06:19I married that person and was with that person since I was literally like 17 years old
06:24Genuinely feel like I have no experience dating at all and it's really been interesting
06:29To be able to date other people now, obviously because I'm not married anymore. Like it is a mind
06:37My what's the word? It's just it's a lot
06:39I don't know if anything I say in this video is gonna make sense
06:41It's really this is just like turn on this video and listen to this video as you're like doing chores or something because we're just
06:47We're just yapping. We're not really like doing anything very productive right now
06:50So this is just background noise for you guys, but I have said on tik-tok when I talked about it that I
06:56Cannot see myself like introducing someone to my kids as like a step-parent figure
07:02I feel like my kids have gone through enough trauma and again
07:05I don't talk a lot about like my kids and my actual divorce or like what that looks like or people ask about
07:09Custody or how did I tell them or things like that? I don't answer those questions just for their privacy
07:13So again, this is just from my perspective like as a mom trying to figure this out, but also just as a girl
07:18I'm just a girl
07:19I'm just trying to figure out literally my entire life
07:21but I just cannot see like ever wanting to mix my dating life with my
07:27Family and a lot of people after they get divorced
07:29They like want to get remarried again, and they wouldn't mind like blending families or something like that
07:34But I I might change my mind. I'm acknowledging that right now
07:37But how I feel in the moment is that I could not date someone with kids
07:40Maybe I could but like I don't want to ever I cannot raise someone else's children
07:44I just can't like I have enough in my life. Maybe I'll eat my words one day and feel differently
07:49Obviously if I took on that challenge
07:51I would have to like let go of this mentality that I have and like really accept it and be there for that child or
07:56Those children how I feel at the moment because we're documenting my feelings is maybe someone could have kids
08:01But like I don't want to mix that I don't want like I when I have free time
08:05I want to hang out with them like with the person that I'm dating and then that's all like I don't want to ever I
08:10Don't even think you guys I am like literally so traumatized like I can't even imagine
08:14I cannot imagine sharing my room with someone ever again never ever ever ever ever never again
08:20Will I share my room my bathroom my closet?
08:23I can't I think it would be funny also to just see how I feel later down the line because I'm like so dead-set in
08:28These thoughts right now and it could be a year from now that I literally am like married again somehow
08:32Don't let that happen to me. Do not let me do that. That's I don't want to do that. I'm a little spirally
08:37So we're just kind of documenting the spiral for now
08:39And then we can either laugh later or be like wow she was onto something, but I cannot imagine that you guys
08:44I can't imagine like I
08:48Want to keep my dating life separate from my kids even if I got serious with someone
08:52I'm like I don't want nothing they couldn't like meet my kids or whatever
08:55But like I don't want to be like I don't want to have like a step-parent that lives in the home like I just think
09:00About for myself. I would have hated that I would have had so many issues with that
09:03I would have been like you're not my dad. You're not gonna. Tell me what to do
09:06I'm not gonna listen to you, and I'm probably gonna go out of my way to do things you tell me not to do
09:11That's just me at my core
09:12I talked about that in a video and someone said you can keep it separate
09:15But not hidden let them know they're the most important meeting my kids if or when there's someone special enough you can introduce them
09:21I've been there, and it doesn't have to be complicated. Okay wait. This is actually a good one
09:24This is giving me hope because some of the comments were making me stress out
09:28But she said it doesn't have to be complicated or messy communication is key at an age-appropriate level trust yourself and don't overthink okay wait
09:34I feel like this actually just solved everything. I hadn't read this comment. This is good. I feel better
09:38I'm healed another person said as a child of divorce and messy when I thought I would have preferred that my parents kept their
09:43Dating life separate from their time with me that is how I feel like when I'm with my kids
09:47I don't want somebody else there like that is my time for me and my girls like what are what are you doing here?
09:52You don't need to be here
09:54And I understand it's a lot of people said like oh when you love someone you want them involved in like all parts of your
09:58Life which I can't understand that but I just think about my time with my kids
10:02And I'm like why would a man be there? Why would a man be there? Why would a man be there?
10:06I mean seriously like no also if you haven't caught up on my tick-tock. I don't really like men very much
10:12It's not really my vibe now that I'm single people also of course ask about Parker
10:17So then I'm like do I be annoying and acknowledge the question but not answer it or do I just not acknowledge it like what?
10:22Should we do what's our preferred?
10:25Method people ask like oh do you and Parker have the same dating rules when it comes to your kids Parker feel weird about you
10:29Dating blah blah blah we just aren't
10:32Discussing so I will acknowledge that I understand people are curious
10:35But you guys can ask him if you want like I just am in a place where we're moving on 2025 is new energy
10:41We're talking about me. I don't want to talk about that Samantha said this may be cheesy
10:45But you'll know who's worthy of knowing about your babies. I also feel like this is true
10:49I really do feel like I have good intuition about this, but again. It's so early
10:55Are you dating people you know from online or more regular people?
10:59How do you navigate talking about the lore the thing about me?
11:02Is that I am literally such an open book like I don't share a lot of everything online
11:06Just cuz that's not the same as like meeting someone in person and like talking about your life
11:10But I would lay everything out on the table on the first date even before the first date if we just like met and we're like
11:16Vibing I tell anybody anything I probably maybe could be a little bit more private
11:20But like I honestly why would I do that like why would I waste my time?
11:23Not just laying it all out because if I lay it all out, and you're scared, or you're not interested
11:27I want to know that right away. I don't want to waste my time
11:29So there's a lot of I mean I've met lots of different people
11:31I think all of the people that I've talked to you literally right away. I've been like so here's my life
11:35They've all been interested so that does something about me because my life is really crazy, and they have wanted to talk to me anyway
11:42What's the most fun date you've been on and what did you do um okay?
11:45So I've technically I always get kind of confused on like what is a date because if I go out to dinner with someone and they
11:50Pay or whatever it's like you could say that's a date, but sometimes. We're not like oh, we're going out on a date tonight
11:55It's just like oh, we're gonna go to dinner. It's like more casual so that in my mind
11:58It's not a date
11:59I did a dating wrapped video on tik-tok if you guys saw that and I went through and recap my dating year for like
12:042024 whatever I said in the video was like accurate, but thinking about it now
12:07I can't remember what I said, but I think I went on did I go on like three
12:12Three I don't remember I'm trying to think of what the most fun date
12:15But I went on was because it wasn't really a date
12:17It was like a trip and so I think that was the most fun
12:21But I would I don't think I would call that a date how often do you go on dates weekly once a month?
12:25I've only see it's like I went on a date, and then now we just like hang out
12:29But then she asked me on a date again today
12:32I hung out I hang out with her all the time, so I'm like see what is it's like
12:36I don't know what to call what so I don't know how to answer this question um
12:40How often do I actually go on dates?
12:42I think not often somebody said when you fall in love you want them in every part of your life
12:46I agree
12:47I know you're right
12:48But I just can't picture like ever wanting somebody to be around my children like I just want quality time with them
12:54And then I want to fill my free time with fun if you met someone who felt really right would you make them your lifelong?
12:59Partner like have them move in and be a part of your life like I just said I cannot imagine
13:04Living with someone that like makes me actually have like heart palpitations or something like I can't
13:10Imagine wanting to do that. I would love if they lived next door and had their own house
13:14I'm not opposed to a life partner
13:16I am opposed to getting legally married because the trauma of going through a divorce obviously
13:21I wouldn't be with someone ever thinking that I would get divorced again
13:24But like it happens like I didn't get married thinking that I would be divorced
13:27You know like people don't plan for that and you never know how people are gonna like change or what life is gonna throw you
13:32Or whatever so I just cannot put myself in a position where I would have to get legally divorced again
13:36So what I have a life partner sure because of my trauma
13:39I need to be able to run away, so I will not be getting legally married
13:43Would you prefer to date another parent so they understand honestly no I would prefer to date someone who doesn't have kids
13:48And I guess maybe doesn't want kids because I don't I'm not gonna have more kids
13:52So I don't really know exactly how that works. I'm being a little delusional
13:56I think but what are some traits you'd really look for in a partner you have to be oh my gosh
14:02So many things they need we need to have the same sense of humor that is important to me this time around
14:07There's other more important stuff
14:09But I need to be able to trust them trust is so big like love cannot exist without trust so if there's no trust there
14:14If they're not dependable not even I feel like trust goes. It's in so many ways
14:18It's like are you lying to me about something?
14:20But also just the trust of like if you're supposed to take care of it
14:23Can I count on you to like take care of it like I can trust that you're gonna get it done somebody who is oh?
14:28I'm like traumatized even thinking of like all these things
14:32Oh my gosh, I'm gonna like literally have to cut half this out because I'm just being a drama queen
14:36But maybe I'll leave it in so you guys can see how mentally unwell
14:39I am right now somebody who just like is proactive and like does things they have to be like type a like I don't really
14:44Believe right now that opposites attract for me or other people that can work, but I need someone who's very similar to me
14:49I have decided because otherwise it just ain't gonna work. Are you having fun with dating have you been on any bad dates?
14:55Or is it mostly just fun? Hope you're having the time of your life. Thank you grace
14:58I am having fun like I said I'm in denial that I'm like dating like that word just doesn't resonate with me
15:03But maybe because I haven't like really ever done that before, but I haven't been on any bad dates
15:09I've been very lucky with like the couple people that I've talked to so no bad dates
15:13I feel like I'm pretty good about not putting myself in a position where it would be a bad date like if I give you
15:18My time I probably think pretty highly of you because I don't give my time to a lot of people Lizzy said
15:24What is your type? What is the vibe of guy?
15:26Yeah, you have been going for not guys not guys
15:29But also I don't really know what my type is but it's been interesting to have a crush on someone and be like wait
15:34I did not think I would be attracted to like these specific things about you, but I am okay
15:39This is a good question a couple people ask like some kind of version of this
15:41But it's do you plan to keep your kids away from who you're dating until it may be serious?
15:45This is where I want people to tell me their experiences because in my mind
15:48And I've also talked to a therapist about this in my mind
15:51It's not that serious if someone like met my kids like just literally met them especially if it was a girl
15:56I think that's different than like with guys
15:58Maybe it's not but I feel like introducing someone as your partner
16:02Introducing them with the intention of like they will be in your kids lives for a long time like as a partner as whatever that
16:07Is different to me than if it was just like a casual like oh technically they've like met my kids
16:12You know because especially again if it's a girl. It's like I
16:15It could be any friend like I've had my kids have met lots of friends that I have that maybe like aren't in our lives
16:21Quite as much anymore because we just like don't see each other. We moved far away
16:25It's not that serious to me like there's gonna be people in and out of our lives throughout your whole life like that's kind of
16:30Just how life goes sometimes like yes, you have your constant people
16:33But like everybody has people that are in your life for one chapter
16:36And then they're not in there and obviously it is not serious to me in a sense of like my kids
16:39I want stability for them
16:40But I would love to hear from people like what that was like if your parent
16:44Casually introduced you to people because this is where I get really stressed out
16:48And I'm like I don't want to like mess up my kids somehow
16:51I'm trying to figure out how to like have my cake and eat it too because I don't want a step-parent for them
16:55I don't want somebody ever living in our house
16:57I don't want to ever make my kids be like uncomfortable, but I still want to be able to like experience my life
17:03but then I
17:05Want my kids to like they're my top priority. It was like how do I do it all?
17:08I don't really know kind of answered this one
17:10But it says would you like to meet a partner that already has kids and in the future have a blended family no
17:14I genuinely cannot see myself doing that at all. I just could not imagine raising someone else's children
17:21I just can't have you read the lesbian master doc. I actually looked it up the other day
17:25I'm not gonna lie
17:26It wasn't like that well written to the point where I couldn't like take it seriously just like the grammar and the things about it
17:33I was like it didn't feel very like professional to me
17:35I don't know the history behind it, but somebody was like oh you should read that and I was like oh
17:39Maybe that will like tell me something about myself
17:41But I only read the first little bit because I was just like I can't really take this very serious when it's like not written
17:46In a professional way not professional, but like I feel like there was some typos and stuff like it
17:49Just didn't really hit for me dating someone new do you tell them what you do for a living or how do you go?
17:53about explaining to them that you keep your
17:56Privacy slash sense of normalcy everybody that I've talked to like knows what I do for a living and again
18:00I'm a very open book like especially to people in my real life like I just lay it all out on the table cuz I'm
18:05Like why not I don't care people also have asked if I make people sign like NDAs
18:09I don't because I just have nothing to like hide
18:11I don't know obviously I do like to have my privacy
18:13But like me sharing my life online and keeping certain things private is not the same
18:18I don't view it the same as like what I will like tell people
18:20I don't know why but I just don't I think that's gonna be it for now
18:24This really was just stream of consciousness of me navigating life as a 28 year old mom
18:30Who is divorced and has literally only ever dated like one person and doesn't know what she's doing well?
18:37I don't know. I know some of you guys are in like similar positions to me kinda
18:41So it's nice to like relate on stuff, but hope you guys enjoyed this
18:44I think this will be it for the vlog because I just yapped for like ever and ever and ever
18:47I love you guys, and I'll see you in the next video. Bye guys