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FunTranscript
00:00Good thing I drew this up.
00:02What's that?
00:03I present to you the Relationship Agreement.
00:11A binding covenant that in its 31 pages enumerates, iterates, and codifies
00:16the rights and responsibilities of Sheldon Lee Cooper, here and after known as The Boyfriend,
00:21and Amy Farrah Fowler, here and after known as The Girlfriend.
00:26That's so romantic.
00:31Mutual indemnification always is.
00:36Why don't you start perusing while I set up my notary stamp?
00:42Section 5, Handholding.
00:44Handholding is only allowed under the following circumstances.
00:47A. Either party is in danger of falling off a cliff, precipice, or ledge.
00:52B. Either party is deserving of a hearty handshake after winning a Nobel Prize.
00:57C. Moral support during flu shots.
01:03Seems a bit restrictive.
01:05Yeah, yeah. Feel free to retain a lawyer.
01:08Want to spend some time playing the new Star Wars game this weekend?
01:10I don't know. I kind of promised myself I'd get off the computer,
01:13be more physically active, get some exercise.
01:16You're about to walk up three flights of stairs.
01:20Good point. I'm in.
01:24You know what would be great? Let's do it like the old days.
01:27You talking gaming marathon?
01:29Yeah. Start Saturday morning, go 48 hours, sleeping bags, junk food.
01:34Turn off our phones so our moms can't call.
01:39It'll be like our World of Warcraft party a few years ago when the neighbors called the cops on us.
01:44They called the cops because of the smell. They thought we were dead.
01:49We were badass back in the day.
01:54All right, let's do it.
01:5548 hours of Star Wars gaming.
01:57It's on like Alderon.
02:02Hey, Sheldon, where are your weekends starting Saturday morning Star Wars marathon?
02:06Movies or video games? Or board games? Or trading card games?
02:10Or Legos? Or dress-up? Or comic books? Or dramatic readings of novelizations?
02:14Yes to all!
02:17We are going to play the online game.
02:19The online game, Bully!
02:23Gentlemen, as much as I'm sure Sheldon would enjoy playing intergalactic make-believe,
02:27he and I have other plans. We are attending my Aunt Flora's 93rd birthday party.
02:32Just tell her I can't come.
02:33She'll be disappointed if we don't show up.
02:35She's 93. She won't be disappointed for very long.
02:41Now, hang on. I followed all the protocols set forth by you in the relationship agreement.
02:45I made a written request 72 hours in advance.
02:49Checked the tire pressure on the car.
02:51I even contacted the Centers for Disease Control to find out what shots they recommend for travel to Orange County.
02:58FYI, it's none.
03:01Amy, the relationship agreement was not designed for either one of us to get our way.
03:06You use it to get your way.
03:07I use it to get the right way.
03:10The fact that the right way is also my way is a happy coincidence.
03:16You gave me your word. You're coming with me.
03:18We'll miss you, Sheldon.
03:20Yeah, well, who wants to spend the whole weekend running around a bunch of pretend planets battling made-up monsters?
03:26That's for babies.
03:29Yeah, but it's got lightsabers.
03:30Please, Amy, it's got lightsabers.
03:33Sheldon, this place is so romantic.
03:36Oh, I'm glad you like it. Raj picked it out.
03:41When you see him, tell him I say thank you.
03:43Tell him yourself.
03:45Yoo-hoo, over here.
03:50I don't understand. What's he doing here?
03:53I invited him.
03:54On our date? Sheldon, that's not okay.
03:58Yes, it is. There's a loophole in the relationship agreement.
04:02You found a loophole?
04:06Sorry I started without you. I'm a little nervous. It's been a long time since I've been on a date.
04:14I can't believe I bleached my mustache for this.
04:17You should go to my girl. She'll knock out those side buns for free.
04:25You know, Amy, I don't even think you and I have had a real conversation.
04:29Let's use tonight to get to know each other a little better.
04:32You start.
04:37Go home.
04:39I don't understand.
04:40Sheldon, how could you do this? It's our second anniversary.
04:43It's your anniversary? Oh, my God, I had no idea.
04:48Amy, please, let me make this right.
04:52My pleasure. Waiter, a bottle of champagne and three glasses.
04:57Oh, boy, isn't this romantic?
05:00Well, I hope that's a rhetorical question because I have no clue.
05:11Have I ever told you you're like a sexy praying mantis?
05:16Every time you drink alcohol.
05:20You know what's wonderful about the praying mantis?
05:23They devour their mate.
05:26Your point being?
05:35Dessert is served.
05:37I just had cobbler.
05:41You know what?
05:43I'm done with this.
05:46Where are you going?
05:48I'm leaving.
05:49You can't leave. I need you.
05:55You do?
05:56Yes.
05:58You're my ride.
05:59You're my ride.
06:03Sheldon, you either say something meaningful and from the heart,
06:07or you and I are done.
06:10All right.
06:13Please.
06:19Amy,
06:22when I look in your eyes,
06:24and you're looking back in mine,
06:26everything feels not quite normal.
06:30Because I feel stronger and weaker at the same time.
06:36I feel excited and at the same time, terrified.
06:43The truth is, I don't know what I feel,
06:46except I know what kind of man I want to be.
06:52Sheldon.
06:53Sheldon.
06:55That was beautiful.
06:57I should hope so. That's from the first Spider-Man movie.
07:05I'll take it.
07:09Good.
07:10Now, I assume we're splitting the check.
07:13Amy?
07:15Amy?
07:16Oh, right. Funeral.
07:18Amy.
07:19Amy.
07:23Hello, Sheldon.
07:25I'm not allowed to wear my silver surfer necktie.
07:27You can wear a bathrobe.
07:30I think I'm too sick to go to the funeral.
07:32You're sick?
07:33You poor kid.
07:35Well, see ya.
07:37Sheldon, aren't you going to take care of me?
07:40Me? No.
07:42I'm not that kind of doctor.
07:45But our relationship agreement clearly states
07:47that when one of us is sick, the other must take care of them.
07:50Oh, I see the confusion.
07:52No, the intent behind that clause
07:55was to force you to take care of me when I'm ill.
07:59When you're feeling better, you'll think that's funny.
08:06Never mind. Goodnight, Sheldon.
08:17Amy.
08:19Amy.
08:20Amy.
08:23I made a commitment in writing to comfort you in times like this.
08:27And additionally, you are my girlfriend and I care about your well-being.
08:33Thank you, Sheldon.
08:34You're welcome.
08:36Let's get this over with.
08:39You'd be upset if you saw Amy out with someone else?
08:41Can't happen.
08:42We have an ironclad relationship agreement
08:44which precludes her from physical contact with anyone other than me.
08:49But you don't have sex with her either.
08:52Slick, huh?
08:54Did you enjoy my lecture?
08:56No, and neither did our waiter.
09:00If you're going to serve Cornish game hen,
09:03you should either be familiar with the history of Cornwall
09:06or be prepared to learn it.
09:08It's hard to argue with that.
09:10And I know, because I saw a sad man with a pepper mill
09:12desperately try and fail.
09:19Hey, how was dinner?
09:21Good. I had Cornish game hen.
09:23Oh, that poor waiter.
09:27Sheldon, how about tomorrow night we see a movie?
09:30You guys are going out two nights in a row?
09:32I missed a number of date nights while I was on my train trip
09:35and I'm contractually obligated to make them up
09:38under the terms of the relationship agreement.
09:40That's so hot.
09:43It's better than hot, it's binding.
09:48If you're free tomorrow night,
09:50I'd love to have you join us on a double date.
09:53Aww.
09:55You are aware that a double date doesn't count as two dates.
09:59Oh.
10:01Well, then come or don't, I don't care.
10:04Okay, I gotta, I just, I gotta ask.
10:08What makes you think that your relationship is so wonderful
10:10and ours isn't?
10:12For starters, we enjoy spending time together.
10:19So do we.
10:21And I've seen you guys ignore each other for hours
10:23doing totally different things.
10:25It's called parallel play.
10:28Yeah, toddlers do that.
10:30Not as well as we do.
10:34You believe this guy has to be the best at everything?
10:37So what? Why do you even care?
10:38Oh, listen to them.
10:40Not even married and the honeymoon's over.
10:44Whatever, you can't even go on a date
10:46without checking your relationship agreement.
10:48If you've got a problem basing a relationship on a contract,
10:51I'd like to tell you about 13 plucky colonies
10:54that entered a relationship agreement
10:56called the U.S. Constitution.
10:59And it may not be cool to say so,
11:01but I think that love affair is still pretty hot today.
11:04It's a good thing I'm not wearing
11:06flag underwear right now
11:08because there's about to be a fire.
11:14Buckle up, you're in for a cranky night.
11:17According to the codicil of the relationship agreement
11:20which you insisted upon,
11:22we're not allowed to pout or be moody on date night.
11:25You know I just put that in because of uterus stuff.
11:28Well, it applies to you, too.
11:30I was afraid you might bring this up,
11:33so I have a workaround.
11:41There you go.
11:46Oh, good, you're here.
11:48Are you still fighting?
11:50If you get divorced, do I get two Christmases?
11:52We're not getting divorced.
11:54We're not getting divorced.
11:56We're not getting divorced.
11:58Listen, we realized
12:00that we're facing some new challenges as a married couple.
12:04Yeah, and there are a few things we need to stay on top of,
12:06so we thought it would be useful.
12:08I can't believe I am about to say this.
12:12Would you please help us make a relationship agreement?
12:18But one that's tailored to us, okay?
12:20We don't need a bathroom schedule.
12:22Although a rule about him texting me from in there
12:25doesn't help with the romance.
12:29What do you say?
12:31I get to write a contract?
12:33I say let's get this party of the first part started.
12:42You really think that's funny?
12:44It's in our agreement. I have to laugh.
12:55I have to laugh.