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FunTranscript
00:00Okay.
00:02Hey, what do you think we should open our show with?
00:04Thor and Dr. Jones or Let's Get Astrophysical?
00:09I think we should start with something that gets them up on their feet.
00:12Maybe Sherlock around the clock.
00:15Great, yeah. Let's give it a try.
00:20Harry, it's napping. Keep it down.
00:23Right. Sorry.
00:25It's cool. We don't need volume to rock.
00:28Instead of blowing the roof of this place,
00:29we can gently lift it off and set it quietly down in the backyard.
00:36Okay. One, two, three, four.
00:40Homestead to Watson on Baker Street.
00:43Come on, Doctor. Time to move them feet.
00:47Sing it with us.
00:48Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock around the clock.
00:53We can't hear you.
00:54Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock around the clock.
01:01Night's going.
01:02Sorry. Sorry. I'll get her.
01:05One sec.
01:08You bought diapers, right?
01:12Be right back.
01:14Rock and roll.
01:17Hello. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
01:20And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
01:22And welcome to the first on-location episode
01:25of Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler present
01:28Dr. Sheldon Cooper's Fun With Flags.
01:33Hit it.
01:36For joy and fun There's no better manner
01:39Than to fly a pennant Flag or banner
01:43What fills my heart And makes my eyes moist
01:46Sending a flag Up a pole on a horse
01:50Fun with flags Fun with flags
01:53Oh, say, can you see
01:56It's fun with flags
01:59Fun with flags
02:05As you may notice, just one of the changes around here
02:08is our new house band.
02:14Who haven't learned their place yet.
02:17Hey, would you like to hear some songs I've rewritten
02:19to get children interested in the hard sciences?
02:22Sure. Really?
02:23Yeah. I like music. I like science.
02:26I like making fun of Sheldon. Hit it.
02:29There was a scientist who had a theory
02:32And James Clark Maxwell was his name-o
02:34J-A-M-E-S-C-L-E-R-K space M-A-X-W-E-L-L
02:40And James Clark Maxwell was his name-o
02:43There was a scientist who had a theory
02:45And James Clark Maxwell was his name-o
02:47J-A-M-E-S-C-L-E-R-K
02:49Okay, okay. We get it.
02:50Perhaps you'd prefer this one.
02:53The itsy bitsy spider is not an insect at all
02:58Because it has eight legs and two body parts
03:04That's pretty cool, Sheldon.
03:06Do either of you know Beyonce?
03:08I'd love her to get behind it.
03:11Thor and Dr. Jones
03:14Thor and Dr. Jones
03:17One runs from Loki
03:18The other runs from stones
03:23So what do you think?
03:25Wow.
03:27Runs from stones means that big boulder
03:30But I just couldn't rhyme anything with boulder.
03:33Colder, shoulder, soldier, folder.
03:36Right, yeah, right.
03:39But what do you think?
03:41I think it's very cute.
03:43Cute? It's not cute.
03:45Cute is children dressed as vegetables.
03:50Okay, fine. It's not cute.
03:52Just be honest. You don't like it.
03:54I didn't say that.
03:55I just like music you can dance to.
03:58You can dance to this.
04:01Thor and Dr. Jones
04:04Thor and Dr. Jones
04:07One plays with lightning
04:08The other plays with bones
04:13I'm telling you, dude, the song has no groove.
04:15You can't dance to it.
04:18Who cares?
04:19I thought the whole point of Footprints on the Moon
04:20was to write songs that make people think.
04:23You can do both.
04:25Like Michael Jackson's Billie Jean.
04:27While you're dancing, you're thinking, like,
04:29darn it, whose baby is it?
04:34Where's this coming from?
04:35A few hours ago, we both loved this song.
04:37I still love it.
04:38I just think there's room for improvement.
04:41You played it for Emily, didn't you?
04:43Yeah, so what?
04:44You are such a wimp.
04:46She didn't like it, now you don't like it.
04:47No, no, I'm just evolving as a musician.
04:50You're the one who's stuck in the past.
04:54The past was lunch.
04:58You know what's really happening here?
05:00Your girlfriend is breaking up our band.
05:04She has nothing to do with this. I am my own man.
05:06Oh, please, your brain belongs to whoever's willing
05:08to sleep with you.
05:10That is so not true!
05:11Really? Remember when you were gonna get
05:12circumcised for Rachel Bernstein?
05:16That had nothing to do with Rachel.
05:18It was an overreaction to a bad zipper injury.
05:24I don't need this.
05:26I'm quitting the band.
05:27Fine, I quit too.
05:28Then get out of my house!
05:30With pleasure!
05:40Raj, wait!
05:41What took you so long?
05:45Thank you for making me tea.
05:47You're welcome. How is it?
05:52Really yummy.
05:54And warm on my back.
05:58Do you need anything else?
06:00You know exactly what I need.
06:02Fine.
06:10Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.
06:15Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
06:22That's nice.
06:24Now in German.
06:29Weiches Kitzen, warmes Kitzen, das nie und nie mehr mört.
06:34Liebes Kitzen, mudes Kitzen, schnerz, schnerz, schnerz.
06:40That's great.
06:43Now Mandarin.
06:48Wow, meow, meow, douche, meow, meow, meow, rong, rong.
06:53Kwai, loo, koo, sha, ching, chow, meow, meow, guloo, guloo, guloo.
07:00Now Navajo.
07:02Indy's whip snapped, Thor's hammer missed.
07:08It was Avenger versus Archaeologist.
07:14Indy held his crown and straightened his fedora.
07:20Thor said, that's a nice look, in 1944-a.
07:28Thor and Dr. Jones, Thor and Dr. Jones.
07:34One plays with lightning, the other plays with bowls.
07:40Thor and Dr. Jones, Thor and Dr. Jones, Thor and Dr. Jones.
07:46One plays with lightning, the other plays with bowls.
07:53I still think we can dance too.
07:54I admire your fingering.
08:00Maybe sometime you can try that on my instrument.
08:13Good night, guys, good job.
08:14Thanks.
08:15See you next week.
08:17Thanks, guys.
08:18See you next week.
08:19See you next week.
08:20See you next week.
08:22Bye.
08:24That was fun, Leslie.
08:25Thanks for including me.
08:26You're welcome.
08:27If you're up for it, we could practice that middle section again.
08:30Sure, why not?
08:38Just so we're clear, you understand that me hanging back to practice with you
08:41is a pretext for letting you know that I'm sexually available.
08:52Really?
08:53Yeah, I'm good to go.
08:55I thought you weren't interested in me.
08:57That was before I saw you handling that beautiful piece of wood
09:00between your legs.
09:04You mean my cello?
09:05No, I mean the obvious crude double entendre.
09:08I'm seducing you.
09:11No kidding.
09:14What can I say? I'm a passionate and impulsive woman.
09:18So how about it?
09:20Gee, uh...
09:22Is it the waitress?
09:23Penny?
09:25What about her?
09:26Well, I thought I saw your pupils dilate when you looked at her,
09:28which, unless you're a heroin addict, points to sexual attraction.
09:33I did have a poppy seed bagel for breakfast,
09:35which could give a positive urine test for opiates,
09:38but certainly not dilate my pupils,
09:40so I guess there was no point in bringing it up.
09:44You and the waitress, then?
09:46No, no, there's nothing going on between Penny and me.
09:50So you're open to a sexual relationship?
09:53Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am.
09:55Good.
09:57Yeah, it is. It is good.
10:00Did you want to start now?
10:02Why don't we finish this section first?
10:04Oh, okay.
10:06A little musical foreplay. Terrific.
10:19I'm not good to go.
10:21Me too.
10:25Let's go
10:28A-ooh
10:30Tonight
10:34I have to go
10:36A-ooh
10:38Tonight
10:40I have to go
10:42A-ooh
10:44Tonight
10:46I have to go
10:49What the hell is that?
10:52I don't know, but if cats could sing,
10:55they'd hate it too.
11:02You want to prowl Be my night owl
11:06We'll take right back Hey, guys!
11:08Hi! Where are you going?
11:10What? We just had to mail some letters.
11:14And throw away some chicken.
11:18What?
11:35You'll never guess what just happened.
11:36Oh, I give up.
11:37I don't guess.
11:39As a scientist, I reach conclusions
11:40based on observation and experimentation.
11:43Although, as I'm saying this, it occurs to me
11:45you may have been employing a rhetorical device
11:47rendering my response moot.
11:49What was that?
11:50Believe it or not, personal growth.
11:53What happened?
11:54Remember when I auditioned for that workshop
11:56production of Rent, but I didn't get it
11:57and I couldn't figure out why?
11:58I have a conclusion based on an observation.
12:00No, you don't.
12:01No, he doesn't.
12:04Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi,
12:05she dropped out and they asked me to replace her.
12:07Oh, congratulations. What a lucky break.
12:09It's not a big deal. Just a one-night showcase.
12:11But they invite a lot of casting people and agents.
12:13So, you never know.
12:14I think I know.
12:15No, you don't.
12:17He doesn't.
12:19It's this Friday at eight. You guys want to come?
12:21No.
12:24Because, uh, Friday,
12:27we are attending a symposium on molecular positronium.
12:30I think that's a week from Tuesday at six.
12:32No, it's this Friday.
12:34At eight.
12:36Oh, too bad.
12:37Well, I got to get to rehearsal.
12:38See you guys.
12:39Let's go out tonight.
12:45You just lied to Penny.
12:47Yes, I did.
12:48And you did it so casually.
12:49No rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration.
12:52So?
12:53So, lack of a physiological response while lying
12:55is characteristic of a violent sociopath.
12:59Sheldon, are you worried about your safety?
13:01No. I imagine if you were going to kill me,
13:03you'd have done it a long time ago.
13:05That's very true.
13:18Oh.
13:34Don't let this be Sheldon playing bongos.
13:42Please don't let this be Sheldon playing bongos.
13:48Hello, Leonard.
13:49Do you like my bongos?
13:53Bet you didn't know that I had bongos.
13:58Sheldon, it's three o'clock in the morning.
14:00Three in the morning is a good time for bongos.
14:04I was sleeping.
14:06Leonard sleeps while I play bongos.
14:11No, he doesn't.
14:12Leonard, do you like my bongos?
14:16No, he doesn't.
14:17Leonard no sleep while I play bongos.
14:21Bongo solo.
14:27Stop. Stop it. Stop. Stop it.
14:29Stop it!
14:36Okay, this grid represents the room.
14:38All we need to do is plot out where each squeak is
14:42and we can find a quiet path to the crib.
14:46Okay.
14:48Looks like a map from Dungeons and Dragons.
14:51Except the creature in the crib is a level nine poop monster.
14:56Okay, you check for squeaks and I will mark them down.
14:59Okay.
15:00Space A3. Here we go.
15:07It's squeaking. Mark it.
15:09It's nice to think that you grew up in this room
15:12and now your daughter's going to as well.
15:14I hope she has the same amount of sex in it I did.
15:18Now, next square.
15:22Why do you bounce with your hands in the air like that?
15:25It's a tradition of my people.
15:27If I were a rich man...
15:33Material girl needs to be retired.
15:35That is your karaoke song.
15:39Hey, Raj, I know you've been avoiding me and Howard
15:41and I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on
15:43inside that little head of yours.
15:55Like the wild elephant, I am trumpeting my love for you.
15:59Like a hidden flower, my sweet fragrance comes into view.
16:04Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
16:07Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
16:10Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
16:12My heart burns for you like the sun as blue
16:17My desert welcome, she likes to rain, my sweet
16:21You are my heart
16:23My universe
16:26You are my heart
16:28My universe
16:30My universe
16:32You are my heart, my universe.
16:36You are my heart, my universe.
16:41You are my heart, my universe.
16:45My universe.
16:57Dance number aside, I'm so not gay.
17:00Guys, listen up.
17:01Can't listen, zoned.
17:03Also don't care.
17:06Next week is the anniversary of my first date with Bernadette.
17:08Really don't care.
17:11I want to do something special, and I was hoping you guys could be a part of it.
17:14Aww, what horrible thing are you trying to make up for?
17:17Just putting something in the bank for what horrible thing I do next.
17:23Look, she's going to be back any second, so here's the deal.
17:24I'm writing a song, and I was hoping we could all play it for her together.
17:28That is so ruthless.
17:31Sheldon?
17:33When do we get to the Cheesecake Factory?
17:37Guys, there was an accident at Bernie's lab.
17:39Oh my God, is she okay?
17:41Yeah, but she's at the hospital in quarantine.
17:43What?
17:44Poor Bernadette.
17:45I hate to pile on the bad news, but I just got a raise.
17:51Oh my God, Bernie.
17:53What happened?
17:55Okay, the next time you move a dozen vials of raccoon virus to the fridge, make two trips.
18:02You're sure you're okay?
18:03Yeah, it's just a precaution.
18:05If there was a problem, I'd be throwing up out of my eyeballs by now.
18:10Sorry I messed up our date.
18:12Don't worry about it.
18:13I brought the date here.
18:15Guys, come on in.
18:17What's all this?
18:19Tonight is the anniversary of our first date, and I wanted to celebrate it by writing a song for you.
18:25Really?
18:27Sheldon, get over here.
18:29She might be contagious.
18:32Don't you think I'm having a rough enough day?
18:35Sheldon.
18:37If I didn't have you, life would be blue.
18:51I'd be Doctor Who without the TARDIS.
18:54Is it me, or does she not look so good?
18:57A candle without a wick, a Watson without a crick.
19:01I'd be one of my outfits without a dickie.
19:04I'd be cheese without the Mac, jobs without the Wozniak.
19:08I'd be solving exponential equations that use bases not found on your calculator, making it much harder to crack.
19:14I'd be an atom without a bomb, a dot without the com.
19:18And I'd probably still live with my mom.
19:21And he'd probably still live with his mom.
19:25Ever since I met you, you turned my world around.
19:28You supported all my dreams and all my hopes.
19:31You're like Uranium-235, and I'm Uranium-238.
19:34Almost inseparable isotopes.
19:41I couldn't have imagined how good my life would get
19:47from the moment that I met you, Bernadette.
19:53If I didn't have you, life would be dreary.
19:58I'd be string theory without any string.
20:01I'd be binary code without a 1, a cathode ray tube without an electron gun.
20:04I'd be Firefly, Buffy, and Avengers without Joss Whedon.
20:07I'd speak a lot more Klingon, Koloknekt, Cockjodge, Vom.
20:12And he'd definitely still live with his mom.
20:16Ever since I met you, you turned my world around.
20:20You're my best friend and my lover.
20:23Like changing electric and magnetic fields,
20:26you can't have one without the other.
20:34I couldn't have imagined how good my life would get
20:40from the moment that I met you, Bernadette.
20:47Oh, we couldn't have imagined how good our lives would get
20:54from the moment that we met you, Bernadette.
21:07Oh, yeah, that was amazing.
21:09Look, I'm shaking.
21:11She's sick, I knew it. Bye.
21:16Bye.