Gogglebox - Season 24 Episode 9
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00:00Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Sophie.
00:15Happy birthday to...
00:17Whoa, just nearly had my eyebrows off.
00:19To you.
00:26I'll have eight.
00:30No!
00:31Here we go.
00:32They've got him.
00:33Oh!
00:34What you doing?
00:35Oh, she's a chicken nugget.
00:37Isn't it embarrassing, Marilyn?
00:41Oh, kiss.
00:42Oh, that's a bit forward.
00:43This is raunchy, innit?
00:44Bring on the delves.
00:45Yeah!
00:46Who's in for the finger this week, innit?
00:48Oh.
00:49Oh.
00:50It's so bad, it's actually good.
00:52It's actually good.
00:53What just happened?
00:54Siri, call Ofcom.
00:57In the week we bid a fond farewell to music legend Quincy Jones,
01:01we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:05We were caught in the crosshairs of an edge-of-your-seat thriller
01:08on Sky Atlantic.
01:15Who do you think would make the best assassin?
01:17Me.
01:18You or...
01:19I haven't got me out.
01:20You'll kill the wrong...you.
01:24Oh!
01:25Sorry, wrong one.
01:26What was his name again?
01:28Attenborough was taking on a whole continent on the BBC.
01:32There's nowhere else on Earth with so many untold stories.
01:37Welcome, then, to Asia.
01:40Have you got any interests of ever going to Asia?
01:43Well, considering me sister lives there, I should, really.
01:47But no.
01:48But you haven't been yet, and she's been there a while now.
01:51I know, and I'm not planning on going either,
01:53because it's just too far on an aeroplane.
01:55It's nearly the other side of the world, man.
01:57I do think it's a large part of the world, though.
02:00Would you ever go?
02:01No.
02:04I just don't think it would be for me.
02:06It's not for me.
02:07And James May was fiddling about in his shed.
02:10There's this online phenomenon of dull men's forums.
02:14I think I'm turning into a very dull man, Natty.
02:18No, you're not. I'd like to join this club.
02:20You're not dull at all. You've become predictable.
02:23Predictable? Yes.
02:25What if I'd like to use myself as a doorstop?
02:28Why?
02:29I'm having a very rare attack of low self-esteem.
02:33I just feel like becoming a human draft excluder.
02:36Well, you're more useful than that.
02:39Oh.
02:40Oh, thanks, Mary. That's really perked me up.
02:51I've got to be honest, though, Cheryl,
02:53you are an arb customer to please.
02:55What, food? Yeah.
02:57Well, I like it a nice, yeah.
02:59Dave and his wife, Shirley.
03:01But I've seen you leave a whole plate of food
03:04because they've put a thing of rice in a little container.
03:08Yeah, well, I didn't ask for rice, so...
03:12Yeah, but it hasn't actually contaminated the rest of the food,
03:15have it?
03:16Well, yes, on my plate.
03:19I don't like salad or rice, and if somebody puts that...
03:22If I say that's all I want is steak and chips,
03:25I don't want any other shit with it.
03:27Shit? Yeah.
03:28But when they bring it back, you go like that, don't you?
03:31Dear, look. Look at this shit.
03:33I told them I didn't want this shit.
03:35On Sunday night, Sir David graced our screens once more,
03:40and this time, he was taking us to the Far East.
03:43One of the continents when I was at school was Australasia.
03:47Might have changed them from when I was at school.
03:49The world was flat then, wasn't it?
03:51I've never been to Asia yet. It's on the list. I want to go to Japan.
03:54I've been to the Taste of Asia in town.
03:56Oh, yeah. Spot on. Yeah, lovely.
03:58Of all the wonderful places in the world,
04:00one continent holds more riches than any other.
04:04He actually looks all right for 98.
04:0698?
04:08Obviously, he looks old.
04:10Well, I tell you what, he's got a good surgeon.
04:13I don't think he's had work done.
04:16He's got wrinkles.
04:17You don't look like that at 98!
04:23See, I can't tell which part of the world that is.
04:26Can you?
04:29It's Asia.
04:31There's so much for us to see before we die, Steve.
04:34Yeah.
04:36Mangroves.
04:38Oh!
04:39Oh, mangrove swamps are dense.
04:41The lungs of the planet, that's what they call the mangroves.
04:44That's what they call the mangroves, isn't it?
04:46I've seen this recently on go-jetters.
04:48These are places where nothing is as you might expect.
04:56Trees grow in the sea.
04:58Trees grow in the sea?
05:00They aren't actually mango trees.
05:02Mangroves, not mangoes.
05:05They're not mangoes!
05:07Fucking idiot.
05:09And fish live on land.
05:11And what lives on land?
05:13Fish.
05:14Fish?
05:15Oh, I bet it's the mudskipper.
05:20Oh, you're a funny-looking thing.
05:22A dusky-gilled mudskipper.
05:24That's not a fish, is it?
05:26No, it looks like a hair grip.
05:27It looks like you.
05:28Fuck off.
05:29Oh, I've not had one of them from Chippy before.
05:32I love a lightly mastered mudskipper.
05:36Only five centimetres long, but a master of these swamps.
05:40They're mad-looking bastards, aren't they?
05:42Their joints in their pectoral fins enable them to walk.
05:46It's got legs?
05:48That is weird.
05:49I didn't know fish could walk today.
05:52And they can leap with a flick of their tail.
05:55Oh, it can jump, you know?
05:57That's why it's called a mudskipper.
06:01This one is seeking a mate with whom to start a family.
06:05He's not going to shag a crab, is he?
06:08He's not going to what? Shag a crab?
06:11He's a mudskipper. Why would you want to shag a crab?
06:14I can't see anyone else, do you?
06:17And when there is a dead end...
06:19What does he do?
06:20Don't tell me he's going to fly now.
06:23Oh!
06:24..the mudskipper simply skips across the water's surface.
06:28That is one talented fish.
06:32What's this?
06:33Oh, hello.
06:34His eyes are bulging.
06:36It's like it's got a very untreated thyroid problem.
06:39An open arena...
06:43..full of females.
06:45WHISTLES
06:48Oh, he's got his pick!
06:50It's an all-you-can-eat buffet.
06:52Bingo.
06:53But there are also other males here looking for partners.
06:58That one looks so evil.
06:59Oh, these are the males.
07:01Oh, you watch now.
07:02To win a female, they must duel.
07:06HE HUMS
07:08I've got a fiver on the one with the googly eyes.
07:11But no-one is backing down.
07:15Look at him!
07:16THEY LAUGH
07:17They just nudge each other.
07:19What? What, fam?
07:21Get off of my girl!
07:23Victory, and the opponent beats a hasty retreat.
07:29Yeah, get out of here, you scumbag.
07:31The female mudskippers are going to be in big trouble.
07:34The mudskippers are going to be impressed.
07:36And it looks like this male...
07:39..has caught someone's eye.
07:41Oh, hello.
07:42She's beautiful.
07:46Oh, my God, they're so cute!
07:48The way they're...
07:50I can't believe what I just saw.
07:52It's love at first sight.
07:54A quick wave should seal the deal.
07:57Yoo-hoo!
07:58Come on, back to my place, love, you've copped.
08:00This way!
08:01Come and see my hole.
08:07Oh!
08:08If you said to me, bulging eyes and slimy and muddy,
08:13I'd say, yuck.
08:15But the reality is the most charming creature
08:18that you could hope to see.
08:20You know, this is like being in town on a Friday night.
08:22Yeah.
08:23You know, they've had a scrap, somebody's going home with no teeth.
08:27The other one's got the girl.
08:29And to be honest with you, in the morning, they'll both regret it.
08:36In Durham...
08:37Can you believe, G, you are due to have a baby officially tomorrow?
08:41..best friends Abi and Georgia.
08:43Do you know, when you say that...
08:46..it's quite overwhelming.
08:48Even I'm overwhelmed for you, so how are you just sat there so calm?
08:53Do you know what it is, though?
08:55So, I'm sat here, right?
08:58Always having a great time with you,
09:00but my hospital bag's only half-packed
09:03and I'm just thinking, what am I doing?
09:07What am I actually fucking doing?
09:09On Monday night, it was time to see how the husbands and wives
09:13in a hurry to get hitched were getting on on E4.
09:16I mean, it took her seven years to get married, didn't it?
09:19I don't believe you're rushing into these things.
09:22Bloody homestays this week, you know, we're really at the crescendo now.
09:27Yeah, the problem would be is, you know,
09:29if you've been living happily with somebody four months on end
09:32and then you get to their house and it's a shit hole.
09:34Yeah, you go in and think, I can't even have a cup of tea in here.
09:37Yeah.
09:41They've been getting on well, Luke and Amy.
09:43However, cracks are starting to show now.
09:47There's a couple of little red flags.
09:49He's done butlers in the buff, but he told Amy he hadn't when he had.
09:54I've thought about doing butlers in the buff.
09:56Babe, I'm so excited to be back.
09:59That's my house.
10:01It's gorgeous.
10:02Call this hat a few quid.
10:03Very nice.
10:04Look at him.
10:05He's cute, isn't he?
10:06Let me see if I can bond with him.
10:08A bit of face licking.
10:09He's trying to get in a good box now, isn't he?
10:11Oh, God, he's not going to make out with the dog, is he?
10:15Oh, no!
10:17Don't do that.
10:18He's kissing the dog.
10:19He's fucking the dog.
10:20Absolutely not.
10:21Absolutely not.
10:22Get your fucking mouth out of that dog's mouth.
10:29The worrying part is he looks as if he's done that before.
10:31He kind of just locked that into action there.
10:34It feels really nice waking up next to Luke and John this morning.
10:38John's happy to be back.
10:40It's nice waking up next to Luke and John this morning.
10:43John's happy to wake up next to Luke.
10:45You're lucky the two of them aren't in the same room, is you?
10:47I worry what's going to come out of your mouth next.
10:50But really and truly, every relationship is going to happen.
10:53It's where you focus, it's where you look, isn't it?
10:55Yeah, at the negatives.
10:56Yeah, it's wherever you look.
10:58The negatives!
11:00She's getting addicted, isn't she, old Amy?
11:02Yeah, but I don't think he's picking up on them, is he?
11:04No, no.
11:05He's over his head.
11:06It is a lovely room.
11:07It's a beautiful room.
11:08But if I look in that corner, all I'm going to see is mould and dew.
11:11Oh, fucking hell!
11:13What are you doing?
11:15Did he just call her out for having mould in the house?
11:17Why are you such a fucking arsehole?
11:21He didn't mean it like that.
11:23To be fair, I think I'd be commenting on the paintwork.
11:25Yeah, but you're a decorator, love.
11:27You get me standing on beds and looking behind wardrobes in hotels.
11:30Yeah.
11:31For the final part of their homestay, Amy and Luke are meeting her friends.
11:35Oh, shit.
11:38Behave yourself now.
11:40So, obviously, we've never met before, so tell me a bit about yourself.
11:43Oh!
11:44Good question.
11:46This is where he mustn't lie, Simon.
11:48I work in a prison.
11:50I do prison education there.
11:52Ooh.
11:53And, yeah, I'm Melody's best friend.
11:55A bit more. A bit more.
11:57Yeah, a bit more.
11:58She's trying to get to the butler in the bath, isn't she?
12:00What do you do in your spare time?
12:01What else?
12:03Is there a specific question you want to...?
12:05Amy's like, go on, tell him.
12:07Tell him.
12:08Tell him that you serve drinks in naught but an apron.
12:11What do you do in your whole spare time?
12:14Oh, that's not fair.
12:16She hated the fact that he does it,
12:18so does he tell her friends he's in a no-win situation?
12:21Well, sometimes, during the weekends, I do, like, entertainment jobs.
12:26Entertainment jobs?
12:27What, like tap dancing?
12:29No, not tap dancing.
12:30It's similar.
12:31You bump cheeks out.
12:34She's just throwing him under the butler in the bath.
12:36It's like a butler in the bath.
12:38Yeah, but I've had, like, two jobs.
12:39I don't usually do those kind of jobs,
12:40but I had two jobs in a year where I did that, yeah.
12:43Do you know, he doesn't even do it any more.
12:45There you go.
12:46He literally used to be a butler in the bath.
12:48Single guy, butler that, making the most of it.
12:50Doing a bit of woodwork.
12:51Exactly.
12:52Why do you feel like you needed to lie?
12:54Oh, straight in.
12:56Why is she giving it Judy Finnegan, interviewing everybody?
13:00Cool your jets, we're out for a drink.
13:02This is Wetherspoons.
13:03No, I think sometimes I just do that, like, when I...
13:06Sometimes you just lie?
13:08Yeah.
13:10At least he's honest.
13:11Yeah.
13:12That's not a lie.
13:13It's not about how you start, I think,
13:15it's about how we develop, cos we all have flaws, isn't it?
13:17Yeah.
13:18And even liars deserve to be, you know, in love as well,
13:21at the end of the day.
13:22Well said.
13:24Even liars deserve to be in love.
13:26Shakespeare, I'm well enough.
13:29I'm mad right now.
13:30I would be. I'm mad for you.
13:32Is that how you introduce someone?
13:34No, Alex was asking you questions.
13:36Yeah, but that's our conversation.
13:38Oh, right.
13:39That's our conversation.
13:40Right, OK.
13:41Exactly.
13:42I think he's very gutsful.
13:43I know you do.
13:44He's a liar, but he's a liar with a point in this situation.
13:47Well, as of now, I'm a single man.
13:51What?! Oh, my God!
13:53Oh, so he's going?
13:55Erm, that's...
13:57Not a married man?
13:58No. Rings off.
13:59Has this happened before, Jenny? No!
14:01All you care about is yourself.
14:03I could have whipped my wedding ring off
14:05and thrown it four weeks ago.
14:07It's in a bit.
14:08Ooh! Ooh!
14:09She's launched it across the restaurant!
14:12Two can play that game.
14:13Someone's got that in the pond, star martini.
14:17It's difficult to see anything, you know,
14:19beyond this point for me and Amy.
14:21Maybe it's not meant to be after all.
14:25Wow.
14:26Oh, my God.
14:27That was...amazing.
14:30I think if I had to admit to Mel that I'd been butler in the buff,
14:33there'd be more confusion than rage.
14:37You...
14:38I've seen your arse.
14:39You need to wax that.
14:41Yeah, yeah.
14:51In Wiltshire...
14:52This is an example, Mary, of what can go wrong.
14:55You make yourself hot chocolate and then...
14:58..Giles and his wife, Mary...
15:00Because you've used hot milk, you try and drink it
15:02and there's this horrible sort of skin.
15:04Giles, is it even worth talking about?
15:06A skin and it puckers, Mary.
15:08It's puckering on the top and it completely...
15:11It's now put me off the hot chocolate
15:13and now I don't know what to do with it.
15:15I can avoid drinking it and I've tried to push it to the edge.
15:18Why don't you go and get a sieve and sieve it into another reception?
15:22But what do other men do when their hot chocolate puckers up?
15:28Well, they don't make a thing of it.
15:30In a most unattractive way, Nutty.
15:32On Tuesday, a famous car enthusiast
15:34was busy solving problems on Quest.
15:39Oh, my God.
15:40I'm going to take notes during this
15:42and see what other dull things I could be doing.
15:44Yeah, this is what we're turning into, boss.
15:46I'm OK with it, you know. I am too.
15:48Hello, I'm James May.
15:50Is that James May?
15:51Oh, James, he's gone wild.
15:53He looks like a musketeer.
15:55What you probably don't know about me
15:57is that I spend a lot of my time in Wiltshire.
15:59No, I didn't know that.
16:01And most importantly...
16:04..in my shed.
16:05Men love sheds, don't they?
16:07I love that shed. It's bigger than my house.
16:09Can I have a shed that big? Can I have one?
16:11Can I have a shed that big, please, Mary?
16:13My shed's too small. You don't need a shed. I do.
16:16It's here that I spend increasing amounts of time
16:19tinkering with various tools and machines.
16:22You like tinkering, though, don't you?
16:26Well, I don't know. Would you class me as a tinkerer?
16:29Well, you do, don't you, like pissing about with things?
16:32Pissing about!
16:34But it turns out I'm not alone.
16:36There's this online phenomenon of dull men's forums.
16:40My people! Yeah, that's your tribe.
16:42Have you heard of this?
16:43No.
16:44Cos he's not a dull man.
16:46Do you remember when I took my hoover apart?
16:50Oh, my gosh!
16:52Yeah, and you wash your machine seal.
16:54Uh-huh.
16:58I like a dull man.
17:00Thanks.
17:01This is definitely a dad programme. He will watch this.
17:04And do you know what?
17:05Sorry, James May, but you can't get more dull than our dad.
17:08No. He's one very boring man. He's very dull.
17:12He doesn't even do the dull activities,
17:14he just watches the dull activities on television.
17:16Is that dull? Yeah.
17:18In the programme, James had a vital experiment up his sleeve.
17:23Do you think it would be possible to do this whitewash
17:27and simultaneously slow-cook a delicious lunch?
17:31No, not in the washing machine.
17:34Only a man would ask that question.
17:37Something like a stew or a curry.
17:40You can't put a curry in the washer!
17:42To be honest with you, it wouldn't work for me
17:44because I put my washing in the night when I get the cheaper rate.
17:47So unless I want to have my tea after 11.30 at night, it wouldn't work.
17:51What would we put the food in?
17:53Exactly what on earth are you going to put food in
17:56that's impenetrable to a washing machine?
17:58Oh, look, what about...
18:00Ah.
18:01Hammerites, we'll have that for dinner.
18:04So he's going to get a paint can?
18:06Can't put a tin in a washing machine, not a chance.
18:08He'd be like putting a rock in there. Yeah.
18:11After some careful prep and fine chopping,
18:13our delicious three-course curry is ready for its spin cycle.
18:17This, I've got to say... This cannot work.
18:19I thought we could wrap a bit of this around the ends of the tin.
18:23Is that like insulation tape? Oh, that's a good idea.
18:29In it!
18:30And to make doubly sure our shock absorbers are secure,
18:33it's the dull man's favourite, cable ties.
18:37You're addicted to them, innit?
18:38I like cable ties, mind. I've got to be honest. I know.
18:41Just chuck them in, I suppose. Chuck them in.
18:43Do you know, I'm actually, like, excited about this stuff.
18:45We are fully invested in it. Yeah.
18:47I'm surprised he's got a back out, Padrao.
18:49I thought it'd have been a...
18:50It's in his shed, though, innit? It'd be me laying in his house, won't it?
18:54It's a bit thumpy, isn't it? It is a bit thumpy.
18:59Ooh!
19:00Just one hour and 58 minutes to go.
19:03Are they going to sit like that for the whole duration?
19:05I would. Wouldn't you? No! Oh, I would.
19:07I don't know what's worse,
19:09them two watching the washing machine for two hours or us two
19:12sat watching them two watch the washing machine for two hours.
19:15Is that a piece of meat?
19:18That looks like a piece of beef, James.
19:20Piece of beef! Oh, it's not worse!
19:22It's the exact opposite of what we wanted to achieve.
19:25Oh, no, Natty, look.
19:27Look at the beef collecting on the rim.
19:30I think that beef's ready, if you ask me.
19:33Oh, dear.
19:36Well, the tin's clean.
19:38Rest, rest, rest from the oven.
19:41Right. Oh, don't do it, don't do it.
19:43No!
19:45Sorpy beef!
19:46They're not. They are.
19:50Oh!
19:54What are you doing? What did you even think would happen there?
19:57This is why men need to work. Yeah.
19:59Because if they don't... They do this sort of thing.
20:02..this is what they get up to.
20:06In Leeds...
20:07How jealous are you of my £9.50 combats?
20:10I'm not jealous of them. Why?
20:12The only trouser that I think actually suits me and my body shape
20:16is a flare, like a boot cut.
20:18Oh, really? You can't even have a wide-leg trouser?
20:21No, because the flap, like sails in the wind,
20:24I actually fall over if I'm not careful.
20:26..sisters Ellie and Izzy...
20:29I could get on board with a combat if it's more high-waisted.
20:33It's high-waisted, I need, and long enough in the leg.
20:36I tell you what, this would save you.
20:39Watch what these £9.50 combats do.
20:42Don't you worry about falling over. Your trousers.
20:45Don't worry about falling over your trousers.
20:48Pull them in. Yeah. There you go.
20:51Tight leg now. Mm.
20:53No-one's fallen over them.
20:55On Friday, there were more morning matters to round off the week on ITV.
20:59What's this morning going to bring us, Simon?
21:02Utter joy, Jane.
21:06I like doing that on a Friday.
21:09Welcome back, everyone. Now, from Daniel Craig's Lay Back Layers...
21:12That's Daniel Craig!
21:13..Hollywood's leading men are showing us
21:15a fresh take on ageing with style.
21:17Ageing with style, I respect that.
21:19Dad, I wouldn't particularly say you age with style.
21:23Why not?
21:24There's all these middle-aged actors who look amazing
21:27and they're being called YOLOs, people who look younger for longer.
21:30Oh, that's me, YOLO.
21:32Yes, this is right up our street.
21:34The thing is, you've got to make an effort to stand out.
21:38Is that what you think you do?
21:39So we've got a few little tips and touches
21:41that might make you look a bit YOLO if you wish to.
21:43Oh, he can't walk, brilliant.
21:44I love it when they do this.
21:45Would you want to put yourself forward for that?
21:47Why are you looking at me?
21:48Cos you're a male, mid-life, need a makeover, apparently.
21:51And you're an average man.
21:52So we're going to call in James first.
21:54And James is one of our viewers.
21:56He looks all right.
21:57Doing a little pose there with hand in pocket.
21:59And James' usual style is quite quirky and brave anyway.
22:02Yeah, nice. He's on holiday, presumably.
22:05You don't go to work like that, do you?
22:07You don't go out the door like that, do you?
22:09So we've smartened James up without losing a tad of eccentricity here.
22:13Hi, James. Very good.
22:14Hi, James.
22:15Hey. Hey.
22:17So James here, he's wearing a shacket.
22:19Oh, it's a horrible word. Shacket.
22:22What the fuck is a shacket?
22:24It's a shirt slash jacket.
22:26This is your shacket?
22:27I told him it was a shacket, but he won't have it.
22:29But we don't want it to look too casual.
22:31I think it looks quite young, actually.
22:33I would wear something like that. It's grown,
22:35but still youthful at the same time.
22:37Bit of burnt orange. You like a bit of burnt orange, don't you, Pedro?
22:40Well, it offsets my teeth quite nicely.
22:43Trousers, two at Sainsbury's, £24.
22:45Look how great those are.
22:46And some orange Gola trainers, 90 quid.
22:49It's a lot of shops to go in for one outfit, though, isn't it?
22:52It is, yeah.
22:53I just like to go to one place and get everything.
22:55I have noticed.
22:56That pop of orange really lifts it, doesn't it?
22:58Nothing wrong with a pop of orange.
23:00It's quite a big plop of orange.
23:03Not plop, pop.
23:04Pop.
23:05Pop.
23:06Lee next. Lee is 41 and he's a builder,
23:09so he normally wears sportswear.
23:11He's very drab there, isn't he?
23:12We've just jazzed him up a bit.
23:13Jazzed him up. I can't wait to see this one.
23:15Come on, Lee.
23:16With a coat.
23:17With just a coat? Is that it?
23:18Ooh, they've put a coat on him.
23:20He's got a big coat on.
23:21But the thing about a coat is, as you will see...
23:23Oh, I like this coat.
23:26What I quite like is,
23:27we've put a rugby top with a splash of colour underneath,
23:29just to give it a bit of pop that you wouldn't normally get.
23:32They need to tone it down.
23:33The coat, yeah, not the rugby top.
23:35What I quite like about this, it's like a whole day,
23:37and then after you've got...
23:38I've been for a hike, been to work, played some rugby,
23:40now I'm off to the pub.
23:41Who wants to look like they've done all that in one day?
23:44Yeah.
23:45How does this make you feel?
23:46Like a bit of a twat, really.
23:47On top of the world.
23:48You look great.
23:50Really smartened you up.
23:51Thank you, Lee.
23:52He looks just so average in what he had on before.
23:55He looks stylish there.
23:57I'm not hearing it.
23:58I like that rugby top.
23:59Oh, I wouldn't.
24:00You're shaggly.
24:01I would.
24:04Do I wear anything that you're not sure about, Jane?
24:06I think your...
24:08Is it your snakeskin trousers?
24:11Yeah.
24:12Not so keen on those.
24:14And what...
24:16Funny shirt.
24:17Have you got velvet shirts?
24:19Remember because she was just the one item?
24:21No, my whole wardrobe.
24:32In Derby...
24:33I'm looking forward to the fireworks tonight.
24:35Yeah, me too, Dad.
24:36You've already seen some, haven't you, boss?
24:38I have, yeah.
24:39This is the hickies.
24:40There's always that firework which just goes off
24:43and it makes a whoosh noise
24:46and then it doesn't make a bang at the end.
24:48It's like deflating, isn't it?
24:50There's something really impotent about that firework, isn't there?
24:52That's the word, yeah.
24:53You all must think, oh, that didn't work.
24:56Yeah.
24:57And there's a party that feels really...
24:59I can relate with that.
25:01This week it was a reboot of an old classic
25:04that had us gripped on Sky Atlantic.
25:06This is a remake from the 70s and I wasn't even born then.
25:09You were.
25:10No, I wasn't.
25:11I wasn't even a zygote.
25:13Who did the original Day Of The Jackal?
25:15Edward Fox.
25:16Edward Fox, that's right.
25:17Oh, it's a man's film.
25:19Oh, is it a man's film he's put on?
25:26Oh, what's this? Is this a recording?
25:31Why is he repeating those phrases back?
25:36He's impersonating someone, I think.
25:38He's copying the way he's saying it.
25:41Yes.
25:43HE WHISPERS
25:46Jesus, that is a face full of prosthetics if I've ever seen one.
25:50Looks like Jackie Stallone.
25:57That's a huge gun in the back of his trousers.
26:03Who's that? Who's that guy in the chair?
26:05He's the double.
26:09Oh, it's him. He's ticking off him.
26:11He's impersonating that guy.
26:12Yeah, he looks a lot like him.
26:16Oh, he's killed him.
26:17Oh, he's dead.
26:18Or asleep. No, he's dead.
26:20Is he dead?
26:21Yeah, of course he's dead.
26:22Oh, I'm not going to get into this, Lee.
26:25I don't know who's dead and who's alive.
26:27He's dead who's on the chair and he's ticking him off.
26:29Yeah, yeah.
26:30He's dressed up, so he's up to no good.
26:34So, is he at work?
26:36He's just walking in, imitating him.
26:39See, they all know him, as he goes in every morning.
26:43Ralph this, Ralph that.
26:48What's he got in that rucksack?
26:52Oh, it's the gun. It's the gun.
26:54Yo, man, got the silencer ready as well.
26:59Someone behind him.
27:00Oh, shit, someone's coming in.
27:04Oh, he's shot her.
27:05Well, he's shot her.
27:06Oh, no!
27:07Is that a massacre?
27:08It's a mass shooting here.
27:13Oh, shit, this one's got away.
27:15Look, look, he's running.
27:16Is he the target?
27:17He's the target.
27:21Oh, he's got him.
27:22He is a good shot.
27:24I was going to say that.
27:25He's had it. He's had it now.
27:28Oh!
27:29Oh, he's kneecapped him.
27:31Oh, he's kneecapped him.
27:33Oh, he's kneecapped him.
27:35Oh, he's kneecapped him.
27:40He missed.
27:41Why didn't he kill him then?
27:42He could have done that easily, couldn't he?
27:47You don't want him dead.
27:49OK.
27:50He's kept him alive for a reason.
27:52He ate his leg, didn't he?
27:54Yeah.
27:55Why ain't he killed him?
28:00What's he doing?
28:01Taking his teeth out.
28:03I wish I could do that with my face.
28:05You can do that with your teeth.
28:07Oh, yeah!
28:10He's behind the mask.
28:14Oh!
28:15Oh, it's what's-his-name!
28:17Eddie Redmayne!
28:19God, you see, he's not giving fantastic beasts in this, is he?
28:27I'll enjoy this, Julie.
28:28More than them dating programmes you've been watching lately.
28:30It's got a bit of the old Bond about it as well, hasn't it?
28:33Yeah.
28:34I can't tell if he's a goody or a baddy.
28:39Oh, the front-runner to be the next German Chancellor.
28:45He's gone to visit his son in hospital this morning,
28:48so that's... Oh, it's shot.
28:52Did he shoot the son to lure the dad to the hospital?
28:56Yes!
28:58Yes!
28:59You are so clever.
29:00Hang on, baby.
29:04It's a funny job, isn't it, being an assassin?
29:07You've got to wear a turtleneck.
29:14Is he across the road from the hospital?
29:16Is he going to shoot from there?
29:18I think he's going to snipe. He's going to be a sniper.
29:23Eddie's looking hot right now, can't I?
29:26That hot assassin look, I'm loving it.
29:32Look at that lot, the security there.
29:34He's got a good shot there, Simon.
29:38Here he is, he's pulling up.
29:40Mm-mm.
29:43Oh.
29:44Oh, so he's not late, then, is he?
29:46No.
29:50Julie's got him in her sights there.
29:52Here he goes. He's got to get this right.
29:54He'll only have one go at it.
29:58Here he comes. There he is.
30:00Is that me, Julie?
30:03Here we go. Eyes on.
30:05Make the shot.
30:06Oh, shit, he took it!
30:08The curtain got in the way!
30:10No, but a bullet would fly through a curtain, Ellie.
30:14Did he get him? Did he get him?
30:17Ah!
30:18No, he did! He got him!
30:20Oh, my God, through the revolving doors as well.
30:23Bloody hell.
30:25How did he do that?
30:27Well, at least he's in the right place.
30:29What a fucking shot.
30:32Can we get an ambulance, please?
30:36In North London...
30:38Did you at least get me something from your holiday?
30:41Yeah, I did. What did you get me, then?
30:44..sisters Amira and Amani.
30:46It better not be something like,
30:48er, I got you a fridge magnet.
30:50I don't want any of that.
30:52Why would I do that, huh? Why would I do that?
30:54Because I feel like that's something you would do.
30:56You done that to me when you came back from Malta.
30:58I was like, Amani, where did you get me?
31:00Because I feel like, you know the saltwater taffies,
31:02like the rock candies, they have that in Malta.
31:05Do you get me that? And you're like, no.
31:07And then you're building up all this excitement.
31:10Turns out you got me a fridge magnet and a key ring.
31:13What was that about?
31:15Yeah, so I expect something better this time.
31:17I'll show you later. All right, cool.
31:19On Saturday, there were more famous faces
31:22banking cash for charity on ITV1.
31:25This would be the only chasing I'd be any good at.
31:28I know. As soon as I do a 16-minute mile.
31:31Is that how long it is? Yeah. Oh, God.
31:37You'd have to be something, you know,
31:40that would seem aggressive but also fit into you.
31:43Yeah. The pigeon chest.
31:45He's a cheeky bastard.
31:50Last up to face the chasers tonight,
31:52it's ITV's political editor and presenter, Robert Peston, everybody.
31:55Now, he's a clever guy. He should do quite well.
31:59Do you remember he was got famous, he went...
32:05That was what he used to do, didn't he? Do you remember that?
32:08You don't, do you? No, I knew it.
32:12Put some money on the table for me, please.
32:14Five grand, low offer, please.
32:16£1,000. You hate it when people take the low offer in the chase.
32:19I wouldn't want them to come back.
32:21If you take the low offer, you can get defocked.
32:23And a high offer, please.
32:25£82,000.
32:27£82,000!
32:29£82,000. Robert can do that, no bother.
32:32Take the higher offer, Peston. What do you think?
32:34You are the man on all of this, you are the master
32:36and you will definitely beat me, but I am going to go 82.
32:39Well, go big or go home.
32:41Yay, Simon, this is going to be juicy.
32:43In 2001, the Tamarind in London was the first restaurant
32:47in the United Kingdom specialising in what cuisine?
32:51Indian. Indian.
32:53We've been in there. We have.
32:55We didn't like the food. No.
32:57You've put...
32:59..Chinese. Chinese!
33:01That's it, it's Indian. I would say Indian.
33:04It is Indian.
33:06We've just beat him, Lee.
33:08This is a one-question shoot-out for £82,000.
33:11So it's all on this show? Yeah, this is it.
33:13Ooh, look at that. What?
33:15Chicken.
33:17What does the word umbrus mean?
33:20Umbrus? I've never heard of it, have you?
33:22No. Oh, he'll know this, cos he's pot.
33:26He answered that fast? He did.
33:30Shady.
33:31Ooh, he was a very umbrus character.
33:35LAUGHTER
33:37Yes!
33:39He's got it!
33:41Robert's probably had to describe a lot of politicians
33:44as umbrus, hasn't he?
33:46Probably has to use quite creative ways of saying
33:48that they're all shady bastards.
33:50Right at the end of the programme, having banked £100,000,
33:53it was time for the Chaser to take on the team.
33:59Oh, I love the final chase. The final chase is the best chase.
34:03No.
34:05Meantime.
34:09Get it wrong, get it wrong.
34:11Far From The Madding Crowd. You should know.
34:13I don't read those books. Far From The Madding Crowd.
34:16Oh, he's got one wrong! Come on, push him back.
34:19It's the only one you knew, that's why you said that.
34:21I knew it!
34:27MK?
34:28Michael Kors? Um...Mulberry?
34:33Oh, he doesn't know his handbags, does he?
34:35Michael Kors, Michael Kors.
34:36Look at him, they're all straight. Michael Kors, Michael Kors.
34:39Kick him in the dick, it's Michael Kors.
34:41Michael Kors.
34:42That's a unanimous view, it's Michael Kors.
34:44It is Michael Kors! Oh, they've pushed him back.
34:46Who played Ratso Rizzo in the film Midnight Cowboy?
34:49Oh, Dustin Hoffman. Dustin Hoffman.
34:51Er, Jon Voight. Stop the clock! That is wrong!
34:54Oh, another push back!
34:56His head's gone. He thought he got that one.
34:58Saw the man's head's gone. It's Dustin Hoffman.
35:00Is correct!
35:01Well done, Rizzo, you're on form.
35:03You look a bit like Robert Peston.
35:06Are you channelling your Robert Peston-ness?
35:08Now, what desert stretches across... Stop the clock!
35:11That is wrong! Oh, serves you right.
35:13Did he interrupt them? Yes.
35:15Oh! He's pre-empting that and got it wrong.
35:17Oh!
35:18What desert stretches across both Mongolia and China?
35:21Gobi.
35:22The Kalamari. OK, it's the Gobi Desert.
35:24Is correct! Push the chaser back.
35:26Chaser's going the wrong way. He is.
35:28He's supposed to be going that way.
35:30Kalamari? Is there a Kalamari Desert?
35:32Kalamari, that's squid rings.
35:34The Dolomites are a mountain group on what continent?
35:36Europe. Correct.
35:37The Duke of Wrath saves the day.
35:39Time is up!
35:40Oh, they've done it! 400,000 quid!
35:43He'll be fuming the cinnamon, you know.
35:48Look, he's going to have to be demonstrative
35:51and jump up and down like the others, Mary.
35:53Peston.
35:54We'd find that hard, wouldn't we, Mary?
35:56I'm telling you now,
35:57the cinnamon will be getting a written warning
35:59off the back of that performance.
36:00Yeah, we're going to have to make somebody redundant.
36:02Yeah.
36:03The making redundancy. Bradley's gone.
36:07Because of you, Bradley's going to have to go now.
36:09Going to have to get fucking Ben Shepard in.
36:20Inca Philly.
36:21Oh, he's in seventh heaven, but he'll hoop.
36:24He's going.
36:25He loves his belly being rubbed, doesn't he?
36:27He just likes being on your lap, doesn't he?
36:29Dave and his wife, Shirley.
36:31You've woke him up now?
36:33I'll give it...
36:34Counting down, counting down.
36:36He's going, he's going.
36:38He's gone.
36:39The head's starting to waver.
36:41It's getting hard work now, but let it go.
36:44Drift off.
36:48It's no good fighting it, but...
36:51On Saturday, the Tory party were back in the headlines.
36:54ITV News had all the details.
36:57What did you have for your lunch today?
36:59Crisps and hummus, and it's repeating on me.
37:01Rose, I love watching the news with you,
37:03because throughout all of the articles, you've got this face.
37:06I know some shit, bastard.
37:11You'll have a bit of weekend news. Do I?
37:13Yeah. No, you don't. All right, fair enough.
37:15You might learn something for once. Yeah.
37:17Sorry, I get a lot of my news from Instagram and TikTok.
37:20And TikTok, right.
37:22Good afternoon.
37:23The Conservatives have a new leader this lunchtime.
37:25Ooh! Another one?
37:26I mean, talk about taking on the boys in chalets.
37:29Kemi Badenoch has made history
37:31as the first black woman to lead the party.
37:33Black woman?
37:35This is... They're trying anything, innit?
37:37This is... Yeah, it's, like, good news and very, very bad news.
37:40Ooh!
37:41After Rishi Sunak, history-making first Asian as well.
37:44Liz Truss was a history-maker as well, wasn't she?
37:47Shortest one.
37:48Boris Johnson, history-making stupidest one.
37:51Amid cheers from the Tory faithful,
37:53she said it was an enormous honour,
37:55but the party had much work to do.
37:58I mean, being leader of the opposition, you know...
38:01Shit, innit, really?
38:02Yeah, well, it's like being rich at Monopoly.
38:04You know, pointless.
38:06Kemi Badenoch, 53,806 votes.
38:10And Robert Jenrick, 41,000.
38:13CHEERING
38:14Jesus, she shrugged it, didn't she?
38:16Oh, my God, she won by a decent amount.
38:20Oh, I don't know, I'm clapping.
38:22To be heard, we have to be honest.
38:25Honest about the fact that we made mistakes.
38:28Well, her main shtick is saying,
38:30ooh, we have to be honest that we made mistakes.
38:33But then she needs to move on from that eventually
38:36and say what her idea is. Remedy is.
38:39The time has come to tell the truth.
38:41The time has come to tell the truth.
38:43Is there a time not to tell the truth?
38:45Yes!
38:47Badenoch first became an MP for Saffron Walden in 2017.
38:51She became an MP and within seven years,
38:53she's the leader of the party and she's a black woman.
38:56That's remarkable.
38:57But her political career hasn't been without controversy
39:00thanks to her outspoken approach.
39:02Oh, she says what she thinks.
39:04People say that she can start an argument in an empty room.
39:07I mean, in one way, you could say she's great
39:09because she's got principles and things she believes.
39:12But some of those things are quite full on.
39:14She was the one who recently said, you know, maternity pay,
39:17they get paid too much.
39:18She also made headlines for this moment.
39:21I grew up in a middle-class family,
39:23but I became working class when I was 16, working at McDonald's.
39:26That's not how it works, sweetie.
39:29You know, just because you worked at McDonald's
39:31doesn't make you working class.
39:33No, it just means you've had a job at McDonald's.
39:35Well, there's no shame in working at McDonald's.
39:37No, but you wouldn't have seen David Cameron
39:39or Boris Johnson working at Maccy's, would you?
39:41No, would you, heck.
39:42Eyes will now be on who Badenoch selects for her shadow cabinet
39:46as she pulls the party together to get the Tories into shape
39:49by the time the next general election comes around.
39:52We need to find a positive in it.
39:54She has nice hair.
39:56And she is black, so she has surpassed the glass ceiling,
40:02so to speak.
40:03I'm just trying to find one thing.
40:06Let it go.
40:07I just want one thing.
40:08Let it go.
40:09I just want one thing.
40:10I bet she cooks a nice jollof.
40:14In Kent...
40:15How did your exam go today?
40:17Did you do enough revision?
40:18I just really needed to go to the toilet the whole time,
40:20cos I literally drank a whole bottle of Lucasade.
40:22I thought, I just really need to go to the toilet.
40:24..Michael, Sally and their sons, Jake and Harry.
40:28I could have just asked.
40:29I just need to be fair, I can't go to the toilet, by the way.
40:31I don't know why I didn't ask.
40:32You just sat there, desperate to go to the loo?
40:35Legs crossed.
40:36For an hour and a half.
40:37Excellent.
40:38Excellent.
40:39Did you write anything in the exam?
40:40Oh, yeah, I did.
40:41I need the toilet.
40:42Please, let me go.
40:44On Monday night,
40:45we took a deep dive into dating Down Under on E4.
40:49The return of Love Triangle!
40:51And Love Triangle Australia.
40:55It's right up your street, this.
40:57Right up my street.
41:01It's the drama, Steve.
41:03Remember, we got into this last series.
41:05Well into it.
41:06I know, it was good.
41:07It was good for me.
41:09You know, this is what you want,
41:12but this is what you need.
41:14Make better choices.
41:16My name's Sam, I'm 35.
41:18I own an auto parts business
41:20and I'm from Broome, Western Australia.
41:22Look at Sam at fancy car golf clubs.
41:25Now, Sam looks like a pretty good catch,
41:28so why does he need to go on a show like this?
41:31How picky are you?
41:33Extremely.
41:34Extremely picky.
41:36I knew we were going to say that.
41:38My ideal type might be a little brunette,
41:41somewhere south of 5'9".
41:42Do you think something is south of 5'9"?
41:45What the fuck does that mean?
41:47I'm only 5'9", myself, so...
41:49So he's a bit of a short arse.
41:52Mary, short arse.
41:54Age range, mid to late 20s.
41:56He wants a very short, petite, 25-year-old brunette.
42:01Effectively, we're here because
42:05No, no, one day it's all picky.
42:07They've got to be this, they've got to be that,
42:09they've got to be that, they've got to be this.
42:11Let's see who he picks.
42:13I am a personal trainer and I live in Bondi in Sydney.
42:18God, she's ripped.
42:19Christ, she's fit, Emily, look.
42:22I am 36, I don't have any more time to waste.
42:25Is she, like, a year older than him?
42:27How's he going to cope with that?
42:2836, she's already out the age couch, mate.
42:31Oh, nah, in the bin.
42:33Yeah.
42:34That's, you know...
42:37..the first domino to fall, really.
42:39Guy's really bothered, Jesus.
42:42There's a few more Ks than the older models, all right?
42:44So, like, they've been around the block.
42:47Oh, he's fucking full of himself, innit?
42:49Been around the block, you guys don't know she's there, is it?
42:52He's saying she's an old banger.
42:53She's an old car, more kilometres...
42:55Right, got it, more Ks, I didn't get that.
42:58Yeah.
42:59What would be the worst-case scenario
43:01of getting the ick tonight?
43:04Oh, if she's, like, a big, jacked-up personal trainer...
43:07Oh!
43:08Jacked-up?
43:09You know, muscle-bound, he's thinking...
43:11I haven't seen her.
43:12No, he's...
43:13It would give him the ick.
43:15I think once there's an ick...
43:17Here she comes.
43:18Oh, she's got big high heels on her.
43:20Oh, she's shorter.
43:21Oh, hang on, is he going to like Emily?
43:24Holy shit.
43:25Holy shit? Is that a good holy shit or a bad holy shit?
43:32Oh, no!
43:33What's wrong with her?
43:34Oh, no!
43:35If somebody seen me from a distance and said,
43:37oh, no...
43:38Holy shit.
43:39..I would never leave the house again.
43:41Hello.
43:42How you going?
43:43Nice to finally meet you.
43:44Nice to meet you.
43:45Why did he say, oh, no, she's beautiful?
43:47She's tall.
43:48Very tall.
43:49Maybe that's what his oh, no was.
43:51Pictured, like, a short, brunette personal trainer chick
43:54and I got, like, this leggy blonde thing.
43:57Oh!
43:58Leggy blonde thing!
44:00Word to God.
44:01They've literally sent him a supermodel and he's upset.
44:04Yeah, this leggy blonde thing, wow.
44:06I think she could bench more than me at the gym.
44:09You know, she could step out of the Australian men's basketball team.
44:13Oh, you're so rude, Sam!
44:16You know, I'm glad that he feels emasculated.
44:18He needs to be knocked down a peg or two.
44:21So, tell me, was I what you were expecting?
44:24Er...
44:25No.
44:26This is it. Awkward.
44:28I'm going to be brutally honest.
44:30What's he going to say?
44:32Oh, he's about to dig himself a massive hole here.
44:35Call him a leggy blonde thing, I dare you!
44:37He's slightly taller than the girls I normally dated.
44:40Yeah.
44:41I've never been with someone shorter than me.
44:44Get in there, Emily!
44:47I'm a load of that one!
44:49But he thinks that he's literally like an oil painting,
44:53so he won't be expecting her to come back with anything.
44:56How tall are they on paper? You're not that tall?
44:58I think I'm 5'9", so it's not that tall.
45:00Are you the same as me?
45:02He is not 5'9", I can tell you that for sure.
45:04He's counting his bouffant, isn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
45:07Are you...? I just mean, like, how come...?
45:10Really?
45:12Oh, wow!
45:14Rumbled!
45:15He knows he's been found out there.
45:17I'd like to think I'm 5'9", yeah.
45:19Would you? Like to think?
45:20Like to think, well, I'm 6'0".
45:24I'll take my heels off and we'll just do a back-to-back.
45:27OK.
45:28And we could just, you know, really...
45:30We would really love that. ..make it official.
45:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.
45:33OK, I'm feeling Bama vibes now.
45:35She's cluing it back a little bit, isn't it?
45:37Yeah, yeah.
45:38She's making him relax from his ego.
45:40Yeah.
45:41The vibe between us both at this stage, it's very, very early,
45:44but I think the vibe's good.
45:45The vibe's good, the vibe's good, the vibe's good!
45:47She's come in, tore him a new one, not took any shit,
45:51and he's actually thought, hang on a bit.
45:53Yeah. I quite like that. Yeah.
45:55That's a game-changer.
45:57I wouldn't want to go out with a shorter man,
45:59cos I am 5'1".
46:02You wouldn't say no to Danny DeVito, though, would you?
46:04No, I wouldn't. Thank you. No, he'd get it.
46:10So, if those spicy shock arrivals and reveals have you hooked,
46:13stream the latest from new Love Triangle Australia now
46:15before fresh Thrupple Hangouts, 8pm Monday on E4,
46:19Thursday night at 9 on Channel 4, bonding with birds
46:21in the hope of Greg's bronze bonds.
46:23Stream or watch the Taskmaster Grand Final then.
46:25Next up, Anthony Scaramucci, meet Adam Hills in the game,
46:28last leg in one massive week in use.