As title
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30Oh, God.
00:00:32Hello?
00:00:37Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans.
00:00:40I mean, it's only two days away, and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.
00:00:44So, I was thinking, maybe we could all take a trip to...
00:00:48Sue, um, I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.
00:00:52Um, I think I'm gonna spend my birthday with Jake.
00:00:55Uh, I'm gonna lose my virginity to him.
00:00:58You know, I want to surprise him.
00:01:00What? But you can't.
00:01:02I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:05Besides, you can't do that to us.
00:01:07You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:09This is bad.
00:01:11You know, I'm gonna tell Lexi.
00:01:13She's gonna be very unhappy about this.
00:01:22Come on, Lexi.
00:01:28Let's go.
00:01:37So, girls, what are we gonna do for our birthday?
00:01:40Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:45But this is the big one-eight.
00:01:47I mean, every year since our moms met in the hospital, we've done something new and special.
00:01:51But this has to be newer and more special.
00:01:54So, what's something we've never done before?
00:01:57Mushrooms?
00:01:58No, not like that. Like something nice.
00:02:01Like maybe a trip.
00:02:03Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:05No.
00:02:07Sorry, Sue. I have a date.
00:02:10So do I.
00:02:12Sorry, Sue.
00:02:13Don't worry, Sue. We'll figure it out.
00:02:17Oh, flowers. Are these from you?
00:02:19Yeah, sure.
00:02:21Here you go.
00:02:23No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:26I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:29I guess, um...
00:02:31you still make me nervous.
00:02:34Oh, Jake.
00:02:39I'm sorry.
00:02:41I'm sorry.
00:02:43Oh, Jake.
00:02:47Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:02:50Uh, no, Jake. Not yet.
00:02:52When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:02:55The best night of my life.
00:02:56It will be. I promise.
00:02:58It'll always be amazing.
00:03:00With you and me.
00:03:02Together.
00:03:05Jake, no. I have to go.
00:03:07I have to work on my art project.
00:03:10You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective,
00:03:13but I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:16Uh, so you're going to come to my birthday, okay?
00:03:19The Saturday?
00:03:21Of course.
00:03:25Thanks.
00:03:27Okay. Bye.
00:03:35Bye.
00:03:43Oh, baby. You're so hot.
00:03:45I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:47Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:49What was your name again?
00:03:50Rob. Sex guy.
00:03:55Lexi is so upset she's speechless.
00:03:59Yeah, right. I bet.
00:04:05Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:09Oh, no.
00:04:11Do not compute.
00:04:13Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:18Oh, huh. Hi.
00:04:20When did you get home?
00:04:23So, is it true?
00:04:24Yes, it is.
00:04:26It's just, it's the right time and Jake's the right man.
00:04:30I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy
00:04:35and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:37So, I just think it's the right time.
00:04:40Lexi, tell her.
00:04:41Losing our virginity is one of those milestones
00:04:43we should all face together.
00:04:45On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:47Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday.
00:04:49Or maybe even, like, our 29th.
00:04:52Eight. Maybe.
00:04:55Listen, guys, I know it's tradition,
00:04:58but I'm sorry.
00:05:03I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:11But, Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:14We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:16Does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dick?
00:05:20It's not Jake.
00:05:22It's the male ideal.
00:05:24Like a Greek god or Sue's dad.
00:05:28Right.
00:05:30Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:32I mean, it kind of sucks. I'm not really an artist.
00:05:34Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:36The point is, we should all lose our virginities together
00:05:39on the same day, and I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:42I'm waiting for a sign, and then I'll know it's right.
00:05:45Look, I can go either way.
00:05:47I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:05:52I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:05:55Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:05:58But if you want to do it this year,
00:06:01then maybe we all should.
00:06:04You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:10Where are you going at 6.30 in the morning?
00:06:13To church, to pray for you.
00:06:15I want to be first in line.
00:06:17I'm getting this is...
00:06:19Yeah, me too.
00:06:23♪♪♪
00:06:29Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:31It has been four days since my last confession.
00:06:33I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:06:35Mm-hmm.
00:06:37Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this,
00:06:40but it's about sex.
00:06:43Mm-hmm.
00:06:45I mean, not me.
00:06:47I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:49Mm-hmm.
00:06:51I've never even seen a guy's...
00:06:53Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll,
00:06:56but I was dressing him up as Jesus,
00:06:58and I wanted to see his thing,
00:07:00but there was nothing there.
00:07:04Okay, so it's about my friends.
00:07:06My best friends.
00:07:08They're going to do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:10Okay.
00:07:12Third base.
00:07:14What? No.
00:07:16Like, sex. Like, intercourse.
00:07:18With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:20I mean, they really need us intervention,
00:07:22if you know what I mean.
00:07:24All the way. Go all the way.
00:07:26What are you...
00:07:28What?
00:07:30Ah!
00:07:32How could you do...
00:07:34You're a bad, bad person.
00:07:38What?
00:07:44Yes. Yes!
00:07:46Run! Run!
00:07:48Ah!
00:07:50Damn it!
00:07:52Fucking Yankees.
00:07:56Sorry.
00:08:18Sue, it is 1 p.m.
00:08:20Would you have a little consideration?
00:08:22I'm trying to sleep.
00:08:24Jeez, can you guys please keep it down?
00:08:28I have an announcement to make.
00:08:30I want to do it.
00:08:32Do you hear me? I want to do it.
00:08:34This weekend.
00:08:36On our birthday.
00:08:38Do what?
00:08:40It. Screw.
00:08:42You know, screwing, boning,
00:08:44making the beast with two backs.
00:08:46Shagging, fucking.
00:08:50You do.
00:08:52But what about all your religious stuff?
00:08:54And what about your sign from heaven?
00:08:56Oh, I got a sign at church.
00:08:58Really?
00:09:00Well, okay, great.
00:09:02We're all in then.
00:09:04So we'll have a big pool party
00:09:06and we'll do it there.
00:09:08Right?
00:09:10Right.
00:09:12I'll start making the shopping list.
00:09:16Okay.
00:09:22Hey, Frank.
00:09:24Hi, Sue.
00:09:26Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:09:28I don't know. Do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:30Yeah, he's blind.
00:09:32Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:09:38Maybe.
00:09:40Hey.
00:09:42I was wondering.
00:09:44It's tomorrow night. It's for our birthday.
00:09:46Do you want to come?
00:09:48Do you think he can see up my short?
00:10:00Well, the house looks done.
00:10:02Tomorrow's the big day.
00:10:04We finally turn 18.
00:10:06And finally lose our virginity.
00:10:08Well, we better get our beady sleep
00:10:10because the party starts tomorrow at 2.
00:10:12So, okay.
00:10:14We know who Cheryl's going to do it with, Jake.
00:10:16And I'll probably do that guy, Rod.
00:10:18But Sue, who are you going to pick to pop your chain?
00:10:20It's easy.
00:10:22I've known for the past six years,
00:10:24ever since catechism.
00:10:26What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:28I think it's a baby panda
00:10:30wrapped in peanut butter.
00:10:38My soulmate.
00:10:42Chris?
00:10:44Sue, you, um,
00:10:46might want to think about picking a backup.
00:10:48I mean...
00:10:50What? No. Chris is perfect.
00:10:52He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.
00:10:54Plus, his name's Chris. It's a sign.
00:10:56Sue, the only sign
00:10:58is that Chris has a major case
00:11:00of gay face.
00:11:02What? He does not.
00:11:04Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.
00:11:06He looks just like Justin Bieber
00:11:08with a little bit of Zac Efron
00:11:10Just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:11:12Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:14Look, Chris is my soulmate.
00:11:16Okay, well,
00:11:18sweet dreams.
00:11:20See you in the morning.
00:11:28I knew it would happen someday.
00:11:30I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:40You're so perfect.
00:12:10I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:40Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:13:02Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:04Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:06Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:08Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:30Oh, my gosh.
00:13:32They're coming.
00:13:34Lexi, Cheryl, hurry!
00:13:38Ew, why?
00:13:40It's for Jake to unwrap me.
00:13:42It's gonna be really sexy. I'm gonna spritz it.
00:13:44You're gonna die of asphyxiation.
00:13:46It's gonna be really sexy.
00:13:48It's stupid. Just screw him.
00:13:50That's what he wants. That's what all guys want.
00:13:52Who hurt you as a child?
00:13:54Oh, Christ. Can I have your mouth, too?
00:13:56Anyway,
00:13:58what guys want is someone who's sexy,
00:14:00not someone they can just have sex with.
00:14:02You're an idiot.
00:14:04A very smooth, plastic wrapped idiot.
00:14:08Guys, seriously, come on. Hurry up.
00:14:14Oh, what a cool bracelet.
00:14:16I love it.
00:14:18Um...
00:14:20You should put that down, though, because it's like...
00:14:22It's very fragile.
00:14:24Yeah.
00:14:26Hurry up.
00:14:28Those are your anal beads, right?
00:14:30Yeah.
00:14:36Ooh.
00:14:50Ooh.
00:14:52Whoa!
00:14:54Oh, we're gonna have some fun.
00:14:56Oh, attack of the wet T-shirts.
00:14:58Nice.
00:15:00Oh, fuck.
00:15:02Ah, fuck.
00:15:03Check, check, check, check, check, check.
00:15:07Happy birthday, Lex.
00:15:10No, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:15:13That is lip poison to plump your lips,
00:15:15but be careful, it stings.
00:15:17And the other one is edible massage oil.
00:15:20Oh, how did you know?
00:15:21I mean, I'm going to use both of these tonight.
00:15:23Come here.
00:15:29Oh, sir, you're such a cutie.
00:15:31Please don't touch my service dog.
00:15:33All right, sorry.
00:15:35Are you OK now?
00:15:36Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
00:15:37OK, see you later.
00:15:41I can't believe you haven't heard of it.
00:15:43This is crazy.
00:15:44Jake.
00:15:45Hi.
00:15:46Hey, babe.
00:15:48Happy birthday.
00:15:50Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:15:53What?
00:15:54You want a beer?
00:15:58No.
00:16:01Oh, hon.
00:16:06I have your present here.
00:16:08I'll give it to you later when the time's right.
00:16:11You didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:14And I have a present for you that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:20Hey, bro.
00:16:21We need you to settle this bet over here real quick.
00:16:24What bet?
00:16:28All right, this is my man right here.
00:16:30Hey.
00:16:31How you doing?
00:16:32Good.
00:16:41Check it out.
00:16:44Dare me?
00:16:49I dare you.
00:17:00Oh, dude, look at those.
00:17:02Are those real?
00:17:03Have you guys seen Cheryl?
00:17:04Hey, I do move.
00:17:06Come on, lame.
00:17:07Oh, all right.
00:17:08OK.
00:17:09I'll see you guys later.
00:17:10Go do some push-ups or something.
00:17:11Oh, the moves.
00:17:1220 bucks says, by the end of the day,
00:17:14I will be motorboating those titties.
00:17:16Yeah.
00:17:18They're fake anyways.
00:17:19Who cares?
00:17:20OK.
00:17:25Oh, dude, dude.
00:17:26I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:31Sue, no, it's your birthday.
00:17:32Here, let me.
00:17:33Joanna, no.
00:17:34Just go enjoy the party.
00:17:36Come on.
00:17:38I win.
00:17:41Hey, do my lips look any plumper?
00:17:43I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:48Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:49I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:17:50He just, like, disappeared.
00:18:03Are these real?
00:18:04Of course they are.
00:18:07How come I've never met you before?
00:18:09I don't know.
00:18:10Maybe he's going to be around.
00:18:11Ryan, have you seen Jake?
00:18:13I think he's around or something.
00:18:15Maybe upstairs.
00:18:16I don't know.
00:18:18Maybe he went to go get my birthday present.
00:18:20That's probably where he went.
00:18:25Liquid courage?
00:18:27Yeah.
00:18:28Atta girl.
00:18:32Vodka cranberry?
00:18:33Surely simple.
00:18:36Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:38I'm going to go meet Rod.
00:18:40Sue, are you OK?
00:18:42Sue, relax.
00:18:45They're just eyes.
00:18:46OK, nothing to be scared of.
00:18:47Seriously.
00:18:48You're going to be fine.
00:18:49Is Chris here?
00:18:55Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:18:58No, he does not have a gay face.
00:19:01I'm going to prove it to you.
00:19:02I'm going to do it.
00:19:08Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:11No, he does not have a gay face.
00:19:14I'm going to prove it to you.
00:19:16I'm going to do it.
00:19:17I'm going to do this.
00:19:18Good luck.
00:19:21Hey, you can do this.
00:19:23Just act like a slut.
00:19:28Just pretend you're Lexi.
00:19:37Yeah, my favorite chapter is Psalm and Glory.
00:19:40Chris.
00:19:41Hi.
00:19:43Can I talk to you?
00:19:46In private?
00:19:47No.
00:20:01Hey, Lexi.
00:20:02You're Lexi.
00:20:03What?
00:20:04Chris, you're so sexy.
00:20:08Ever since you played Jesus at camp,
00:20:10I've just, I've known that we were meant to be together.
00:20:14And I really want to...
00:20:17Oh, what are you doing?
00:20:19Is that wrong?
00:20:20Sue, what's gotten into you?
00:20:22Nothing.
00:20:23I'm sorry.
00:20:24I don't know how to do this.
00:20:25Sue.
00:20:27Sue, Sue, Sue.
00:20:30I understand these urges.
00:20:35And, you know, I like you too.
00:20:38Really?
00:20:39You do?
00:20:40I do.
00:20:41I really do.
00:20:43I like you too.
00:20:45Really?
00:20:46You do?
00:20:47I do.
00:20:48I really do.
00:20:49It's just, I've devoted a lot of my life to one certain man.
00:20:56Right.
00:20:57Lexi said you were...
00:20:58Jesus.
00:20:59Oh, Batman.
00:21:01Of course.
00:21:02What did you think?
00:21:03Oh, nothing.
00:21:05So we can still do this then?
00:21:08Sue, you know, for me, when I think about that man who died for our sins,
00:21:18when I think about him up there on that cross, so helpless, yet so muscular,
00:21:26with his strong thighs crossed over each other so delicately,
00:21:34beneath that ragged loincloth, growing so hot, so sweaty under that hot, hot sun,
00:21:44I just feel such compassion.
00:21:48I think about those things too.
00:21:50So you understand why I can't do this?
00:21:54Not really.
00:21:55I just find it too hard.
00:21:57That is, to give in to carnal pleasure when he sacrificed so much for us.
00:22:05So...
00:22:16We're going to go out there, right?
00:22:17And they were going to tell me 31.
00:22:19Whoa!
00:22:21Have you seen Jake?
00:22:23No.
00:22:24No.
00:22:26Okay.
00:22:29All right, focus, focus, focus.
00:22:36Oh, there he is.
00:22:40Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:22:55How could he?
00:22:59Sue, what happened?
00:23:01Did you guys do it?
00:23:03Sue?
00:23:04He doesn't want me.
00:23:06Because he's gay.
00:23:07No, he's not.
00:23:09He just really loves Jesus.
00:23:11Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:13The only reason you even liked him is because you knew he was never a real possibility for you?
00:23:17Look, the only way you're going to find out what kind of man you really want
00:23:22is to know what kind of woman you really are deep inside.
00:23:27What?
00:23:28Come with me.
00:23:29Where?
00:23:30To meet your dark side.
00:23:38Out!
00:23:39Everyone out!
00:23:42Sue, it's time for you and your vagina to meet face-to-face.
00:23:57I really can't.
00:23:59I really don't think I can do this.
00:24:01I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:04I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:07Sue?
00:24:08Can you see it?
00:24:10Sue?
00:24:14I'm almost...
00:24:16I'm almost there.
00:24:20Ugh!
00:24:21What?
00:24:23What?
00:24:24Sue, what are you doing?
00:24:26Sue, what are you doing?
00:24:28Sue, what are you doing?
00:24:31Sue, what are you doing?
00:24:33Sue, what are you doing?
00:24:36What?
00:24:37Sue, what happened?
00:24:38What did you see?
00:24:39A raccoon?
00:24:40What?
00:24:42You overshot it.
00:24:43Aim the mirror further up.
00:24:51I can't.
00:24:52Please don't make me do that again.
00:24:54Okay, fine.
00:24:55Fine.
00:24:56I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice.
00:24:59What?
00:25:00You really need an orgasm.
00:25:03Honestly, I don't know how you expected to ever have sex with someone else
00:25:06when you've never even had it with yourself.
00:25:08This really has to be your first step.
00:25:10Lex, I'm waiting.
00:25:12Coming.
00:25:13Sue, my black vibrator is somewhere in the top drawer.
00:25:15Just find it and use it.
00:25:17Wait.
00:25:18What does a black vibrator look like?
00:25:20It's black.
00:25:21It vibrates.
00:25:24Come on, Rod.
00:25:25Let's go to Sue's room.
00:25:28And don't come back until you have at least one orgasm.
00:25:34Okay.
00:25:42Hey, cutie!
00:25:43Cutie!
00:25:48Bullseye!
00:25:50Yeah!
00:25:54Bang.
00:25:55Bang.
00:25:56Bang.
00:25:58Good boy.
00:25:59Straighten up.
00:26:00Good boy.
00:26:01Good boy.
00:26:03He knows over 100 commands.
00:26:06I'm sorry.
00:26:07I can't see anything.
00:26:08That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:26:10What a bitch.
00:26:12Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:26:34Oh, shit.
00:26:40What's wrong with this thing?
00:27:04Cheryl, what is wrong?
00:27:06Lexi, it's Jake.
00:27:09He was getting a blowjob by some pink-haired girl.
00:27:12For sure?
00:27:14I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him,
00:27:16so maybe it's my fault.
00:27:18That's no excuse.
00:27:19He's a dirtbag.
00:27:20How dare he?
00:27:21No, it's awful.
00:27:23I mean, I thought I was going to marry him.
00:27:31It's a text.
00:27:32It's a text.
00:27:33It's from him.
00:27:34I can't bear myself to read it.
00:27:35Okay.
00:27:36Uh, he's looking for you.
00:27:38He wants to give you your birthday gift.
00:27:40Oh, I can't face him.
00:27:42Um, I have to go.
00:27:43I'm going.
00:27:44No, you can't just leave.
00:27:46Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.
00:27:48I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:27:50No.
00:27:51Well, either deny it or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:27:54Either way, it's bullshit.
00:27:55I see only one option.
00:27:58I'm leaving.
00:27:59Revenge sex.
00:28:01Reve- I mean, what?
00:28:02What does that even mean?
00:28:03It means you find a guy,
00:28:04you screw his brains out,
00:28:05and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:10Revenge sex.
00:28:11Reve- I mean, what?
00:28:12What does that even mean?
00:28:13It means you find a guy,
00:28:14you screw his brains out,
00:28:15and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:18But he- I mean, he doesn't even care.
00:28:20He doesn't even care about me.
00:28:21I mean, why would-
00:28:22He's just into other girls.
00:28:24Trust me.
00:28:25He'll care.
00:28:26Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to him.
00:28:28To his ego.
00:28:30To screw someone else when you've never even had sex with him.
00:28:33Especially if it's with someone smarter,
00:28:35better looking,
00:28:36and with a bigger dick.
00:28:39No, I- I couldn't.
00:28:40Plus, I mean, there's-
00:28:41there's no one smarter and better looking.
00:28:44Eric!
00:28:45He's perfect!
00:28:46Eric Hall?
00:28:47Are you kidding?
00:28:49I mean,
00:28:50he wouldn't even be into me.
00:28:51He likes your type.
00:28:52Really?
00:28:53And what type is that?
00:28:54He's flirty.
00:28:56Yeah.
00:28:57Trust me, he's amazing.
00:28:59I fooled around with him once.
00:29:00He has this great tongue ring.
00:29:02Oh, no.
00:29:03I could never fool around with somebody you've fooled around with.
00:29:05Okay, then.
00:29:06Fine.
00:29:07We will find someone else.
00:29:09Someone that I haven't
00:29:10fooled around with.
00:29:15Okay, what does it matter
00:29:16that I fooled around with him?
00:29:17I mean, it's like you're not gonna marry the guy.
00:29:20No, I just couldn't do it.
00:29:21Fine.
00:29:22If you want to live the rest of your life
00:29:24knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing
00:29:26to make your boyfriend feel like a total worthless piece of garbage
00:29:29and possibly even scar him with the rest of his existence
00:29:31and you chose not to do it,
00:29:33go ahead.
00:29:34But honestly,
00:29:35I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:38I don't know.
00:29:41But honestly,
00:29:42I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:45I don't know.
00:29:47Trust me.
00:29:48It's going to work.
00:29:49It's going to work.
00:29:55I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs.
00:29:59Hi, Cheryl.
00:30:00Okay, enough jabbering.
00:30:01Oh, no.
00:30:13Hey.
00:30:15Happy birthday.
00:30:16Hey.
00:30:18Thanks.
00:30:40Have you guys seen Jake?
00:30:41No.
00:30:45So...
00:30:48Happy birthday.
00:30:51Do you know that most people think that the happy birthday song was from Britain?
00:30:55But it's actually from us, US.
00:30:58America?
00:31:00United States?
00:31:02I know where we live.
00:31:03Right.
00:31:04Of course.
00:31:08I know where we live.
00:31:09Right.
00:31:10Of course.
00:31:15Hey, Jesus, Eric,
00:31:16are you going to make your move or not?
00:31:18Oh, you want me to move?
00:31:19Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:31:20I just...
00:31:21No, you're fine.
00:31:34Jake!
00:31:37So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:31:40I'm sorry.
00:31:41It?
00:31:42What, um...
00:31:43It.
00:31:44Like, monkey bone in and, like, pigs in a blanket.
00:31:48Get real nasty.
00:31:50Oh!
00:31:51Oh, you mean, like, uh...
00:31:54Right now?
00:31:55I mean, well, yeah.
00:31:57You know, the sooner the better.
00:32:00Yeah, sure.
00:32:01I mean, yeah, of course.
00:32:02Um, I just never realized that you...
00:32:05I mean...
00:32:08Whew.
00:32:09Uh...
00:32:11It's just...
00:32:13You're so...
00:32:16You're so beautiful.
00:32:17Okay, um...
00:32:19Uh, no kissing.
00:32:21Right, um...
00:32:23Of course.
00:32:24Sorry.
00:32:27So, um...
00:32:30Do you want to unwrap me?
00:32:32Oh, wow.
00:32:33Uh, you wrapped up like a Hot Pocket
00:32:35or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:32:37Now that you're leftover, you're not.
00:32:40You're fresh.
00:32:43Now that you're leftover, you're not.
00:32:46You're fresh.
00:32:47Organic.
00:32:49Yep.
00:32:52So, the wrap.
00:32:53Right.
00:32:55Um...
00:32:56Where's the, uh...
00:32:57It's, uh, the end is...
00:32:58The edge is, like, right over here.
00:33:00Oh, yeah, here it is.
00:33:01I see it.
00:33:02Let me just, uh...
00:33:05Ow, ow, ow!
00:33:06Sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:33:07I, um...
00:33:08It's okay.
00:33:10Do it again.
00:33:12Sorry, I, uh...
00:33:13I bite my nails, so it's a little difficult.
00:33:15You know what?
00:33:16Let me just lay on the bed.
00:33:19Okay.
00:33:24Uh...
00:33:25Let me just see.
00:33:27Oh, here it is.
00:33:28I got it.
00:33:29All right, just, um...
00:33:30Pull it.
00:33:31Let me just...
00:33:32Whoa!
00:33:33Oh!
00:33:35Oh, jeez!
00:33:36Cheryl, are you...
00:33:38Are you okay?
00:33:42Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:33:45Oh, jeez!
00:33:53Well, that was stupid.
00:33:56Yeah.
00:33:57Ha!
00:34:02How are you doing tonight?
00:34:03Are you having a good time?
00:34:04Yeah?
00:34:05Good?
00:34:06Jake!
00:34:07I think I saw Cheryl upstairs.
00:34:09What?
00:34:10I can't hear you.
00:34:12I need another beer.
00:34:14Chips are so damn salty.
00:34:15Jake!
00:34:16Sorry, we're...
00:34:17Upstairs.
00:34:18Yeah.
00:34:19Hold on.
00:34:20Take a piss.
00:34:21How much beer?
00:34:28Cheers.
00:34:50Finally.
00:34:51I, uh...
00:34:53Let me just get the blinds.
00:34:54Oh, no, no, no.
00:34:55No, no, no.
00:34:56Don't...
00:34:57Don't worry about it.
00:34:58What?
00:34:59I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:03Oh.
00:35:05Well, okay.
00:35:06Okay.
00:35:20Finally.
00:35:21I, uh...
00:35:23Let me just get the blinds.
00:35:24Oh, no, no, no.
00:35:25No, no, no.
00:35:26Don't...
00:35:27Don't worry about it.
00:35:28What?
00:35:29I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:33Oh.
00:35:35Well, okay.
00:35:36Okay.
00:35:55Okay.
00:36:22What are you doing?
00:36:23Uh...
00:36:25I think it's time.
00:36:27You know, to...
00:36:29Do it.
00:36:31Um, not yet.
00:36:32More foreplay.
00:36:33Huh?
00:36:34Oh.
00:36:40So good.
00:36:43Oh.
00:36:45Yep.
00:36:46Oh, my jaw.
00:36:47Jaw, jaw, jaw.
00:36:49What?
00:36:50What?
00:36:51Ah, ah.
00:36:52Oh.
00:36:53Lock jaw.
00:36:54Lock jaw.
00:36:55Is that even a thing?
00:36:57I don't know.
00:36:59Ah.
00:37:00Are you okay?
00:37:04No, no, no, no.
00:37:05It's, uh...
00:37:06It's fine.
00:37:07I'm just, uh...
00:37:08Embarrassed.
00:37:09It's...
00:37:10Probably TMJ or...
00:37:13Fracture.
00:37:14Swollen.
00:37:16You sure you're okay?
00:37:17Yeah, yeah.
00:37:18I'm fine.
00:37:19Okay, great.
00:37:20Have fun.
00:37:21Oh.
00:37:23Oh.
00:37:26Now.
00:37:27Now.
00:37:28Let's do it now.
00:37:29No, not yet.
00:37:30Not yet.
00:37:32All right, I'm gonna come.
00:37:33I'm gonna come.
00:37:34Are you ready?
00:37:35No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:37No, no, no, not yet.
00:37:38Lexi!
00:37:39Lexi!
00:37:40Oh!
00:37:44No, no, no, not yet.
00:37:45Lexi!
00:37:46Lexi!
00:37:47Oh!
00:37:49No means no.
00:37:50Huh?
00:37:51Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:37:52I'm sorry.
00:37:53I'm sorry.
00:37:54It's been a really long time, and I just...
00:37:55I haven't masturbated for anything.
00:38:00Uh-oh.
00:38:03Oh, hey, Jake.
00:38:06How you doing?
00:38:08How's it going?
00:38:09Good.
00:38:10Eric?
00:38:11Come.
00:38:12Eric, help me.
00:38:13I'm blind.
00:38:14I can't see anything.
00:38:15Excuse me.
00:38:19Cheryl's in here.
00:38:23What's up, bro?
00:38:25What the fuck is...
00:38:28Hey, wait!
00:38:30Lex, babe.
00:38:31Still waiting.
00:38:38Oh, I'm sorry.
00:38:39I can't see.
00:38:40I'm blind.
00:38:42Damn it.
00:38:43I'm gonna say something to that bitch.
00:38:46Hey, you.
00:38:48You better stop making fun of the blind, or I'm gonna kill you.
00:38:52Or I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:38:56I'm so sorry.
00:38:58I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:39:23Oh, man.
00:39:24No more water balloons.
00:39:25This party's ass.
00:39:29Yeah!
00:39:33This just isn't working out.
00:39:36Nothing.
00:39:37What's the big deal about these vibrators, anyway?
00:39:42Watch this.
00:39:44Spark it up.
00:39:46Yes!
00:39:49Oh, man!
00:39:50Oh, man!
00:39:51I love this game!
00:39:52Where's the controllers?
00:39:53We gotta put...
00:39:54Here, here, here, here.
00:39:55Okay, let me find another one.
00:39:59Whoa!
00:40:01Look at this!
00:40:02Oh, my God!
00:40:04Pew, pew, pew!
00:40:06Get that thing away!
00:40:07Jesus!
00:40:15Hey, dude.
00:40:16Nice shot.
00:40:17Wasn't me.
00:40:21Whoa!
00:40:22Whoa!
00:40:23Nice!
00:40:25Are you sitting on it or something?
00:40:28Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:40:30Nice!
00:40:31Nice!
00:40:42Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:44Extra controller?
00:40:55Whoa!
00:40:57You are the controller.
00:40:59No, I just...
00:41:01I didn't...
00:41:02I swear...
00:41:03Alright.
00:41:05Off.
00:41:06Dup!
00:41:06Ha ha ha!
00:41:14Hey, hey Sue!
00:41:15What up man?
00:41:19It's okay, hey Sue!
00:41:20Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?
00:41:33Yeah, I just needed to, um...
00:41:36Oh, sure.
00:41:37Listen, Sue, I was rethinking what I said earlier.
00:41:43You were?
00:41:44You mean...
00:41:45Yeah.
00:41:46So you think we should give it a try?
00:41:52Could we go get a drink?
00:41:56Wow, um, your toilet's really...
00:42:00You...
00:42:01Do you know what?
00:42:03I gotta go.
00:42:04Um, happy birthday.
00:42:05Uh, no, Chris!
00:42:06No, that wasn't...
00:42:07I didn't...
00:42:08Oh, God, never mind.
00:42:09This was the worst idea ever.
00:42:24Never going to have sex.
00:42:25Ow.
00:42:39Hello, a little attention here.
00:42:48Oh, yeah, sorry.
00:42:50Lex, don't be selfish.
00:42:53Oh, right.
00:42:55Sorry.
00:42:57Geez, who invented this stupid position, anyway?
00:43:16Too much fucking multitasking.
00:43:19Screw it.
00:43:20Oh, my God.
00:43:23Oh, my God.
00:43:26Oh, my God.
00:43:29Oh, my God.
00:43:32Oh, my God.
00:43:35Oh, my God.
00:43:38Oh, my God.
00:43:41Oh, my God.
00:43:44Oh, my God.
00:43:47Oh, my God.
00:43:50Ah!
00:43:51Ah.
00:43:52Ah.
00:43:53Oh, no, that was bad.
00:44:02That was so bad.
00:44:13Joanna, do you know a guy named J.J.?
00:44:18I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:23Hey, does your name start with a J.?
00:44:28Yes, it does.
00:44:31So you're J.J.?
00:44:33Uh-uh.
00:44:44Hello. Welcome to 1-900-CONFESS.
00:44:48Would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:44:50A nun.
00:44:51Please punch in your credit card number.
00:44:57Please hold.
00:44:59Oh, thank goodness.
00:45:001-900-CONFESSION. How may I be of service?
00:45:03It's been one day since my last confession.
00:45:06I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:45:08One day.
00:45:10Ow!
00:45:15I'm sorry.
00:45:16I'm sorry.
00:45:17I'm sorry.
00:45:18I'm sorry.
00:45:19I'm sorry.
00:45:20I'm sorry.
00:45:21I'm sorry.
00:45:22I'm sorry.
00:45:23I'm sorry.
00:45:24I'm sorry.
00:45:25I'm sorry.
00:45:26I'm sorry.
00:45:27I'm sorry.
00:45:28I'm sorry.
00:45:30Is that too long?
00:45:31I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:45:33Go on.
00:45:35Okay, well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.
00:45:39Well, actually, I didn't. A washing machine did.
00:45:41What's her problem?
00:45:43A washing machine touched her.
00:45:47Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine and, well...
00:45:50All right, freak. Time's up.
00:45:52What? But what do I do?
00:45:53Just unplug the thing.
00:45:55No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.
00:45:58Well, then be happy.
00:46:00You found the perfect man.
00:46:02I'm serious.
00:46:03Look, honey, you seem like a nice young lady, so...
00:46:06I'll tell you this.
00:46:08Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:46:11No contusions?
00:46:13You broke no covenant with God.
00:46:15It's not in the Bible.
00:46:17So the washing machine could touch me anytime?
00:46:20Like morning, afternoon, night?
00:46:23Yes, and other things can touch you.
00:46:26Accidental masturbation is not a sin.
00:46:29Neither is intentional masturbation.
00:46:32Huh. God's pretty cool that way.
00:46:35He sure is. Now run along.
00:46:40Wow. How do you know all that?
00:46:43Because I'm a nun.
00:46:45Now eat my pussy, bitch.
00:46:47Huh. Accidental masturbation.
00:46:50Who'd have thunk?
00:46:57Revenge sex with a stupid fucking idiot.
00:47:01God, I'm getting out of here.
00:47:05Yeah, I admit it. I've got no game.
00:47:14Fucking douchebag.
00:47:16Damn it.
00:47:18Now I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:47:21You go, girl.
00:47:23What?
00:47:26What are you doing here?
00:47:28We needed someplace private.
00:47:30But hey, listen, if you're serious about getting laid...
00:47:33Yeah?
00:47:35If you want someone great, I mean, really, the best ever...
00:47:39No offense.
00:47:41Frank, the blind guy?
00:47:43Really?
00:47:45I'm telling you, he's amazing.
00:47:48I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:47:50It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:47:53It was like we used all our senses.
00:47:56Everything.
00:47:59If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:48:02All right.
00:48:09What about him? Jeremy?
00:48:12Yeah, I know Jeremy.
00:48:14I think I fooled around with him once.
00:48:16I don't know his last name, though.
00:48:18It's Jones.
00:48:20Jeremy Jones.
00:48:22This all makes sense.
00:48:24Excuse me.
00:48:26Jeremy.
00:48:28Hi.
00:48:30Who was on the phone?
00:48:32Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:48:34You'll meet her. She'll be here in like an hour.
00:48:36Wait, you have a girlfriend?
00:48:39Oh, hi.
00:48:41Hi, Frank.
00:48:43Sit.
00:48:47Oh, you meant...
00:48:49You meant the dog.
00:48:51Relax.
00:48:53You need to relax and calm down.
00:48:59I'm sorry.
00:49:01I'm sorry.
00:49:03I'm sorry.
00:49:05I'm sorry.
00:49:07I'm sorry.
00:49:14Oh, I'm relaxed. I'm fine.
00:49:17Why are you biting your nail?
00:49:19I'm not.
00:49:22How did you know that?
00:49:26Corner.
00:49:30Sit.
00:49:32Roll over.
00:49:35Oh, you mean me.
00:49:38Roll over.
00:49:42Oh, you mean me.
00:49:44Oh, how do you...
00:49:46How do you want me to...
00:49:48Just lie down.
00:49:59Oh.
00:50:01I shouldn't even be doing this,
00:50:03considering it a teachable moment.
00:50:05Okay.
00:50:09Oh.
00:50:12See me with your hands.
00:50:17All right.
00:50:25You know, I should really...
00:50:26I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be doing this.
00:50:28Really.
00:50:33Really.
00:50:41Mmm, peanut butter.
00:50:57Frank. Frank.
00:50:59Oh.
00:51:01Oh, Frank.
00:51:26Yo, man.
00:51:28Yo, give me a chip.
00:51:30Phone boy.
00:51:31Yo, give me a chip, man.
00:51:32My chips.
00:51:33Yo, my chip.
00:51:34Yo, give me a chip.
00:51:36My chips.
00:51:38Guys, why are you making such a mess?
00:51:41Sorry.
00:51:49It's just a case of accidental masturbation.
00:51:51That's all.
00:51:56Come on, let me do this. Go ahead.
00:51:58I got it. I got it.
00:51:59No, really, please. I want to help.
00:52:04Okay, everybody out.
00:52:06Leave. I have to vacuum.
00:52:20You're not even getting the chips.
00:52:22They're over here.
00:52:24I just... I see some dust over here, so...
00:52:29It's just so much dust on this floor.
00:52:33It's just a dirty floor.
00:52:35Such a dirty, dirty floor.
00:52:41Oh.
00:52:57Okay.
00:52:59All right.
00:53:01I think I got all that.
00:53:03I'm just gonna...
00:53:04I'll see you.
00:53:11Oh, Jesus.
00:53:13Frankie.
00:53:15Oh, my... Oh.
00:53:16What was that?
00:53:17What?
00:53:19Oh, shit.
00:53:20Oh, man, we got a smoky...
00:53:21A leaky, smoking heater.
00:53:24Stop.
00:53:25Frank, stop teasing Frank.
00:53:27Oh, shit.
00:53:29I'm sorry, man.
00:53:30We're just looking for a place to finish this roach.
00:53:32Oh, I heard something.
00:53:33You want to join us?
00:53:34Uh, no, I'm actually...
00:53:36Come on. You got to do it.
00:53:37Come on.
00:53:38Seriously, guys.
00:53:39Where's your dog, man?
00:53:40Dude, what's it like being blinded by a stripper?
00:53:46Frank?
00:53:48Frank, are we gonna do something soon?
00:53:52Bro, you are too funny.
00:53:56Thanks, man.
00:53:57Ooh, this is some good stuff.
00:53:59I haven't smoked since junior high.
00:54:00Dude, I ain't stopped smoking since junior high.
00:54:03Wait, wait, wait.
00:54:05I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.
00:54:09Damn, I really can't remember.
00:54:10This is some good shit.
00:54:30Oh, no.
00:54:31You're the devil.
00:54:32No more.
00:54:36JJ, I'm...
00:54:37Jeremy.
00:54:38You have to remember
00:54:39that amazing time we had together, don't you?
00:54:42Please.
00:54:43Lex, I can't.
00:54:45I mean, I got a girlfriend.
00:54:47I really like this girl.
00:54:49Fine.
00:54:50It's just so sad
00:54:52because I'm wearing this copeless bra
00:54:55and I also have on crotchless panties
00:54:58with just a little string of pearl in front
00:55:01for extra stimulation.
00:55:04Oh.
00:55:06Ah.
00:55:08We've got like 30 minutes before she gets here.
00:55:10Perfect.
00:55:15Before she gets here.
00:55:16Perfect.
00:55:27Do it.
00:55:28Let's do it.
00:55:29Fuck me.
00:55:30Fuck me now.
00:55:36What?
00:55:37What's wrong?
00:55:38I can't.
00:55:39I can't get it in.
00:55:41Try down there.
00:55:42It's like desert down there.
00:55:44It's sandpaper.
00:55:45I just...
00:55:46Okay, I get the picture.
00:55:47It's like...
00:55:48Just try it again.
00:55:51No.
00:55:52Why is this happening?
00:55:54We fooled around before.
00:55:56I was dripping wet.
00:55:57I came like four times, remember?
00:55:59Just do what you did then.
00:56:00Go on.
00:56:01I already did my thing.
00:56:02I already tried.
00:56:04What?
00:56:05What is different this time?
00:56:07I don't know.
00:56:08Last time...
00:56:12I honestly don't even know what you're talking about.
00:56:14What?
00:56:16You're not JJ?
00:56:18But your name is Jeremy Jones.
00:56:20How can you not be JJ?
00:56:22Who the hell is this JJ?
00:56:25Where are you going?
00:56:27We're not done here.
00:56:28I can still do this.
00:56:29I just need a little bit of foreplay.
00:56:30I can do this.
00:56:32I don't need JJ.
00:56:33I don't need anyone else.
00:56:34We can do this.
00:56:37Go team.
00:56:41What?
00:56:42Just keep going.
00:56:48Shit.
00:56:58Where's Jeremy?
00:56:59Jeremy.
00:57:00Hi.
00:57:01We were just, you know...
00:57:04Hey, babe.
00:57:05Just working out.
00:57:10How could you, you bastard?
00:57:15You might want to...
00:57:16What?
00:57:18What?
00:57:23Mariella!
00:57:24Mariella!
00:57:26You know those aren't mine.
00:57:28These aren't all of them.
00:57:31What is wrong with you?
00:57:36What is wrong with you?
00:57:39You used to be so pure.
00:57:41Well, no more.
00:57:42That's it.
00:57:43Really, that's the last one.
00:57:57I can't take any more of this.
00:58:11Cheryl?
00:58:17What is it?
00:58:18What are you doing down here?
00:58:20I'm waiting for everyone to leave
00:58:21so I can sneak out and get far, far away from here.
00:58:24What?
00:58:25far away from here.
00:58:26What?
00:58:27Why?
00:58:28Nothing.
00:58:29Just this blind guy and his dog and ugh.
00:58:32Honey, it's gonna be okay.
00:58:35No, it's not okay.
00:58:37God.
00:58:38And you know whose fault it is?
00:58:40I'm sorry.
00:58:41It's Jake's.
00:58:42Jake's fault.
00:58:43That blind, cheating bastard.
00:58:45Yes.
00:58:46He is such a dickwad.
00:58:48You need to confront him.
00:58:49Yeah.
00:58:50Yeah, I need to confront him.
00:58:52I mean, it's my birthday and where is he anyway?
00:58:55Like, why isn't he hanging out with me?
00:58:57You know, you just call him here and give him a big piece of your mind.
00:59:00Yeah, a big piece.
00:59:01A big old chunk of my mind.
00:59:03A big piece of it.
00:59:04Yeah.
00:59:05You know, you might want to...
00:59:08You need to look hot while you break up with him.
00:59:10Yeah, you're right.
00:59:12Why am I wearing a sheet?
00:59:14I don't know.
00:59:20I'm sorry.
00:59:22I'm sorry.
00:59:23I get shy around beautiful women like you.
00:59:28I got no game.
00:59:35It's not important.
00:59:48Hey, um...
00:59:49Eric, I can't talk right now.
00:59:50No, no, no.
00:59:51I really need to talk to you.
00:59:53Really, Eric, I can't right now.
00:59:55No, no, no.
00:59:56I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier and I'm just embarrassed and I want to make it up to you.
01:00:02Eric, really?
01:00:03I don't care.
01:00:04It's fine.
01:00:05No, but I do.
01:00:06I mean, I do.
01:00:07I care.
01:00:09I haven't known how to tell you.
01:00:11Maybe because, I don't know, I'm a little shy.
01:00:14But I was wondering, or hoping, that we could go out sometime.
01:00:20Soon.
01:00:21Because I'm going to be leaving for a little while and it would be nice to go out with like...
01:00:25Really?
01:00:26Eric, you're shy.
01:00:27You have no game.
01:00:29No, not really.
01:00:32Yeah, no, I can't do this.
01:00:33Sorry.
01:00:38Okay.
01:00:39Alright.
01:00:40I, uh...
01:00:42Happy birthday, then.
01:00:54I'm sorry.
01:00:55I was trying to kiss your...
01:01:05Wow.
01:01:12Yeah.
01:01:17Here I come, baby.
01:01:18Get ready for your big birthday surprise.
01:01:23Oh.
01:01:24Eric, stop.
01:01:25Um, we can't do this.
01:01:26Oh, God, Damien.
01:01:27Not again.
01:01:28Oh, no.
01:01:29Honey, happy...
01:01:32The fuck is this?
01:01:33Who the hell are you, dude?
01:01:35Okay, guys, don't.
01:01:39Cheryl.
01:01:41Baby, what is this?
01:01:44Oh, gee, Cheryl.
01:01:46You're...
01:01:47I've been looking for you all night and you've been...
01:01:50Oh, man, no wonder I couldn't find you.
01:01:52You couldn't find me?
01:01:54What about all those girls' vaginas you were in or your penis getting sucked?
01:01:59Cheryl, honey.
01:02:00No, no.
01:02:01You can work this out.
01:02:02Baby, I love you.
01:02:03Jake, no.
01:02:04You have to go.
01:02:05Baby, I'll be faithful from now on.
01:02:06Please.
01:02:07I promise.
01:02:08No, Jake, I can't do this.
01:02:09I'm sorry.
01:02:10Cheryl, come on.
01:02:11No, Jake, please.
01:02:12Baby, come on.
01:02:13Just go, just go.
01:02:14I'm sorry.
01:02:15You're a heartless bitch!
01:02:16How could you do...
01:02:18Yay!
01:02:19You did it.
01:02:20I'm so proud of you.
01:02:21You got your revenge sex.
01:02:22You left him a mere shell of a man.
01:02:24Revenge sex?
01:02:27It's really not what it sounds like at all.
01:02:30Right.
01:02:32All makes sense now.
01:02:35Wow, I feel really stupid.
01:02:37Eric, I'm really...
01:02:38I'm really sorry.
01:02:41Cheryl, I really liked you.
01:02:44And you used me.
01:02:46Eric, please don't go.
01:02:47Please, Eric.
01:02:50Aren't you happy?
01:02:52Well, no, that's not exactly how it's supposed to feel like.
01:02:56You mean the sex?
01:02:57Was it...
01:02:58Yeah.
01:02:59No, we didn't quite do it.
01:03:00Oh.
01:03:01You know, I couldn't seem to do it either.
01:03:03Really?
01:03:04I just never found the right guy.
01:03:05Or guys.
01:03:07Anyway, we better get downstairs.
01:03:09People are starting to leave.
01:03:10I wonder how Sue did.
01:03:23I can't believe she dumped me, man.
01:03:24This is bullshit!
01:03:32Get out of here!
01:03:34Yeah!
01:03:35He has good hair, though.
01:03:56Oh, Sue, are you all right?
01:03:59Was it from sex?
01:04:00Did you pop your cork?
01:04:01I don't think so.
01:04:03Not with a guy, anyway.
01:04:05Oh, don't ask.
01:04:06Every possible object.
01:04:08It's like every mechanical thing.
01:04:10It was like Transformers.
01:04:12They just all became vibrators.
01:04:15I told you.
01:04:16It's addicting.
01:04:19So, what about Chris?
01:04:20The last time I saw him, he was running away for dear life.
01:04:23I told you he was gay.
01:04:24No.
01:04:25Well, I think I'm just all cramp.
01:04:30I think it's broken.
01:04:31So, wait.
01:04:33None of us cashed an RV card.
01:04:39Oh, Joanna, you're so sweet.
01:04:42So, I was going to go grab some food.
01:04:43Can I go?
01:04:44No, thank you.
01:04:46I think I should finish up here.
01:04:48Did you ever find that guy you were looking for?
01:04:50No.
01:04:52I don't know.
01:04:53For some reason, I just realized he needs to be my first.
01:04:57Or something.
01:04:58Why? Do you know him?
01:05:00Sort of.
01:05:02Oh.
01:05:03Well, hey, if you happen to run into him,
01:05:05tell him I'd like to see him again.
01:05:13Love him?
01:05:14Shut it.
01:05:15You want to do it with him?
01:05:16I don't want to hear it from you.
01:05:17You want to get married?
01:05:18You want to do it with him?
01:05:19Zip it.
01:05:20Ever.
01:05:33No.
01:05:45No.
01:05:46No way.
01:06:03Oh, well.
01:06:04There's always next year.
01:06:26It's you.
01:06:28I've been waiting for you, JJ.
01:06:32Joanna.
01:07:02I've been waiting for you.
01:07:33Wow.
01:07:35That's amazing.
01:07:37Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.
01:07:40I guess something inspired me.
01:07:44You really captured his expression and his eyes.
01:07:47Yeah, even that little cowlick he has in his hair.
01:07:52Whose?
01:07:53Eric's.
01:07:54It's him, right?
01:07:57Oh.
01:07:59Yeah.
01:08:01I have to go see him.
01:08:07Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:08:191-900-CONFESS.
01:08:22Sister Turis?
01:08:24Yeah, hun?
01:08:25Um, there was a problem with your credit card.
01:08:27I just need the last three numbers in the back.
01:08:30Oh, sure.
01:08:32It's 271.
01:08:34Um, sister, I know this isn't a confession, but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:08:39Do you think if you do something bad that God will forgive you?
01:08:43Like, take you back?
01:08:45Sure, hun.
01:08:46Why not?
01:08:47As long as you're on the right path.
01:08:50Well, how do you know if you're on that path?
01:08:52I always look for some kind of sign from the universe.
01:08:56Something to let me know that it's all gonna be okay.
01:09:00Sister, can I get up now?
01:09:03I really gotta pee.
01:09:05No! Hush your trap!
01:09:08Okay, honey, I really need to get back to work, but call back anytime.
01:09:13I will.
01:09:14Thanks.
01:09:18Sister?
01:09:19Shut up or I'll punish you hard, you sheep fucker!
01:09:27Fuck.
01:09:38Eric, wait!
01:09:41Cheryl?
01:09:44Eric, um, look, I am so sorry about everything.
01:09:49I was trying to have revenge sex with you at the beginning, but then at the end I wasn't.
01:09:55I just didn't want to do that with you.
01:09:58The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:10:01Um, I... I do want to go out with you.
01:10:06And I didn't realize that until this morning.
01:10:09I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is, and he's all over these...
01:10:13Eric!
01:10:15Come on, we gotta get going.
01:10:17Oh, wow.
01:10:19Um, Cheryl, this is my sister Tina. Tina?
01:10:22Cheryl.
01:10:24Hi, nice to meet you.
01:10:29Uh, so, um, do you mind if I call you in a few days when I get back?
01:10:35Yeah, sure.
01:10:42Oh, sorry, no kissing, right?
01:10:45No kissing.
01:10:46Oh.
01:10:55Hey.
01:11:02Hey, did you ever, uh, get those flowers I sent you?
01:11:07I... I don't even care that you hooked up with Lexi.
01:11:10Wait, what? I never did that.
01:11:13I mean, you don't have to lie about it. She told me all about your pierced tongue.
01:11:21She must have me mixed up with someone else.
01:11:25I wonder who it was.
01:11:45At least this birthday's over.
01:11:55Dear Lord, please forgive me.
01:11:59I mean, if you could just, I don't know, like, send me a sign?
01:12:25Excuse me, excuse me.
01:12:27Uh, do you know where the church is? It's on Fountain Street.
01:12:31Um, yeah, that's the church I go to.
01:12:33Or used to go to.
01:12:35Um, it's straight up that way and then left.
01:12:40But you're more than welcome to come with me if you like.
01:12:42Oh, um, I'm sorry, I don't know where the church is.
01:12:45It's on Fountain Street.
01:12:47Um, yeah, that's the church I go to.
01:12:49Or used to go to.
01:12:50Um, it's straight up that way and then left.
01:12:52Tell me if you like.
01:12:53Oh, um, I don't know.
01:13:02Well, that's pretty powerful.
01:13:05Oh, 250 horsepower, 225 pounds of torque.
01:13:10Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on.
01:13:14I don't think so. But thanks.
01:13:17What's your name?
01:13:18Sue. What's yours?
01:13:19Jesus.
01:13:21Really?
01:13:22Si.
01:13:25Maybe I could use a ride.
01:14:19You're welcome.