Animal Control S03 E03
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00We've allowed this to devolve to fire hazard status.
00:04And worse, it's blocking my access to the gym.
00:07What are you up to now, Frank? Like 10 kilos?
00:09Don't try to burn me with the metric system. It wastes everyone's time.
00:13Yeah, no, I regret it.
00:14Alright, Shred, this was your idea. Start stacking.
00:16What? No, this was your idea.
00:18Uh, yeah, okay.
00:20Sure.
00:27We could go higher.
00:31Did y'all find the record for this yet?
00:33Nothing yet. I just keep getting In Memoriam tribute videos.
00:39Woo!
00:41Yay!
00:43There's a bunch of empty beer cans up here.
00:45Could be anybody's.
00:47And that's lunch.
00:49Alright, what are you guys feeling like? Where do you want to go?
00:51I'd kill for some sushi.
00:53Very funny, guys.
00:55Guys?
00:57I see storm clouds!
01:25So, babe, if you call in sick, we can beat the traffic and get to the lake early.
01:39Yeah, totally. But, like, I'm already at work and I feel amazing.
01:42Alright, well, I'll get you around for five.
01:44Yeah, okay.
01:45Uh, let's do the morning meeting, everyone. Maybe wrap up the personal chit-chat.
01:49Oh, if you change your mind, stick your fingers from your throat.
01:51Okay, I'll only think about you while I do it.
01:53Okay.
01:55Oh, wait, where's Patel?
01:57He's wrapping up a Zoom couples therapy session in the locker room.
01:59Maya and the therapist are really batting him around.
02:01Okay, we can start without him.
02:03Alright, people, we're going to have a great day today.
02:06First up...
02:08Oh, right, we're going to have a tough day today.
02:10So we have a surrendered dog who has reached the end of the sidewalk.
02:18And he must go to the big farm in the sky.
02:22I'm so, so sorry. It's the hardest part of the job.
02:25Actually, the hardest part is listening to your tortured metaphors.
02:27I mean, I think we know what you're saying.
02:29What I'm saying is one of you needs to take our canine client to play fetch with Dog Jesus.
02:36Or whatever dog god you believe in.
02:39Crystal clear. Great. I just want to officially say, not it.
02:42Not it! But who said it first?
02:44Children. All of you.
02:46Once again, I will step up and carry this burden on my very broad shoulders.
02:49Awesome. As your co-workers, we'd just like to say thank you for being so emotionally closed off.
02:53Damn right. And you know why? Because I'm a professional man.
02:56I absorb the darkness so that others can stand in the light.
02:59Yeah, but I can't absorb the darkness today.
03:01I've got to be in the right headspace going into this epic romantic weekend with Isabel.
03:05We're all aware of your late cast plan, Shred. We're all in the text thread.
03:08Can you ride with someone else? I need a break.
03:11I can't stand listening to you talk about freshwater intercourse anymore.
03:14Oh, it's just alfresco sex, Frank.
03:16I don't know where all this body shaming is coming from.
03:18Oh, it's not shaming. I'm just worried for the lake and the kids in the inner tubes who are swimming through your sex filth.
03:23Okay, I think this meeting's about done. I'm going to wrap it up.
03:26Um, figure out the dog thing, please. Thank you.
03:29Can you take him, please?
03:31Yes. Wait, would you, please? Would you?
03:33What's on your lunch tag?
03:35Uh, coconut marshmallow balls.
03:36Great. I'll have all of them.
03:38There's eight, but sure.
03:39Nothing like paying a third party to tell you you're wrong about everything.
03:43What's going on here?
03:44You got traded in my truck for a cancerous dessert.
03:46We got a drop-off at Precinct 13.
03:48The farm? Oh, come on!
03:52I just think it's unprofessional. A couples therapist should remain neutral.
03:56I mean, to not even let me finish my story about the sponge, it's basically...
03:59Sorry, I'm going to stop you right there. That's our hour.
04:02Frank, I got to get this out.
04:03Yeah, yeah, I don't know how it works in truck eight, but in truck 12, we swallow our feelings.
04:10Oh, wow, this dog's got several biting incidents.
04:13Wait, are you reading the file?
04:14You never read the file.
04:15Why?
04:16Because you could find out something about the dog that connects it to you personally.
04:19Copper. Oh, he's a police dog, just like you.
04:21Bit of a hard case. Problems with authority. Irrational hatred of mail carriers.
04:26Sound like anyone we know?
04:28My Carhartt catalog never shows up on time, okay?
04:30Give... This is mine.
04:32Let's talk about something else.
04:34So here's the thing. I'm always the last one in the kitchen.
04:37Anything but the sponge, please.
04:39Very cool of your old boss to let us use her lake house.
04:42Should we bring her like a thank-you gift?
04:43No, no, we should leave it just like we found it.
04:45Almost like we were never there.
04:47Cool, and are we going to pick up the keys on the way?
04:49Don't even need them. I got the garage code.
04:51Right.
04:52Strange. Is my snake hunting getting in the way of your personal call?
04:55I got to go. I got to go. Sorry.
04:57You guys are 100% breaking into our old boss' house this weekend. You know that, right?
05:01Oh, yeah. I am fully aware, and I don't love it.
05:04Honestly, I really like Isabel. I'm just not always comfortable with her...
05:08Her frequent misdemeanors?
05:10Yes.
05:11You're with a bad girl, and we're a lot of fun, but easily bored.
05:14Yeah, I don't think she finds my nervousness sexy.
05:17I got him. I got him. I got him.
05:23You got a real escape artist on your hands, sir.
05:25My God, thank you. You guys are incredible.
05:27Our pleasure. Always happy to be of service.
05:30So, is there anything else that we can do for you?
05:33Nope. Nope. Just got the one snake.
05:36Right, yeah.
05:37Ha-ha.
05:41Oh, ah.
05:43Oh, my gosh. No way. I couldn't possibly accept that.
05:46That's so sweet, but not at all why we do the job.
05:54Greg?
05:55Shaw.
05:56What do you got?
05:57Old dog, biter.
05:58All right. Sign this.
06:08Greg?
06:09Shaw.
06:13What are you doing?
06:14You looking back?
06:15He never looked back.
06:16Oh, look at him. He's saying goodbye.
06:19He's not. Keep walking.
06:22Hey, buddy.
06:27Damn it.
06:28I'll keep moving.
06:31Ah.
06:32Mm-hmm.
06:35Uh, Greg.
06:36You changed my mind. I'll take the dog back.
06:38Sorry. You signed the form. It's out of my hands.
06:41He's literally in your hands.
06:44Come on. It's a police dog.
06:45Who has three reported biting incidents.
06:47Come on, man. Just give me the dog.
06:49Next time, don't look back.
06:51Oh.
06:59Got to get that dog back.
07:01What do you mean? Like bust him out of jail?
07:02That's exactly what I mean.
07:03Look, I'm already stressed.
07:05Please do not add a dog heist to it.
07:07I don't need to get suspended and be stuck at home all day,
07:09not in the middle of a sponge game.
07:10Three, two, one. Let's go.
07:12Four, five, six. Let's knock.
07:16Nobody listens to me.
07:22Hey, so we've been partners for about 90 minutes now,
07:25and I feel like we can be straight with each other.
07:27You felt weird when I took the tip.
07:29Yes, I felt very weird.
07:30It just feels like maybe a gratuity isn't optional
07:33when the person asking has a taser.
07:35Well-behaved women rarely make history.
07:38I feel like that saying is reserved for women
07:40that, like, shape historical events, like, uh...
07:44God, how can I not think of one famous woman?
07:47Look, if you want to keep your bad girl,
07:49you're gonna have to loosen up.
07:51Being scandalized by me shaking down the snake owner
07:53for a tip, not sexy.
07:55Yeah, no, it didn't feel sexy.
07:56You need to stop clutching your pills.
07:58A girl like Isabel, she's gonna need someone
08:00who's gonna push the edge a little.
08:02Maybe... maybe you should get a nipple piercing.
08:07I don't know.
08:09Crazy.
08:10Yeah, I don't know about that, but...
08:12I suppose it couldn't hurt to dabble in the dark arts.
08:17Sandra Day O'Connor.
08:19She did... she did something.
08:20Okay.
08:25Whoops.
08:26You okay?
08:27I lost a contact lens.
08:29Can't find her in the truck.
08:30You mind if I take a look around?
08:33You mind helping me look? I'm half-blind here.
08:37This might, uh, take a while. Sorry.
08:39Found it.
08:40What?
08:41That's not actually possible.
08:44You got solution to clean it up?
08:46Shoot, you know, I do, but it's back at the precinct.
08:49We'll just, uh, give the old girl a rinse-a-do later.
08:53No worries. I gotcha.
08:56Hopper.
08:57Ruff!
08:59Hey, Hopper.
09:00We're gonna get you out of here, okay?
09:01All right.
09:02We're gonna get you out of here.
09:04Hopper.
09:05Ruff!
09:07Hey, Hopper.
09:08We're gonna get you out of here, okay?
09:09All right.
09:10We're gonna get you out of here.
09:19Keep going.
09:20How'd you get this open?
09:23Almost there.
09:24How'd you get this open?
09:26♪♪♪
09:31♪♪♪
09:36♪♪♪
09:43Almost there.
09:45♪♪♪♪
09:55Ain't nothing to it but to do it.
10:00Aah!
10:04It burns!
10:05You need more solution.
10:06I got some in the back.
10:09Patel!
10:10Frank!
10:11Get over here!
10:12What are you doing in there?
10:13What's wrong with your eye?
10:14Fly him back, bird.
10:15Get me out.
10:16You're welcome.
10:19Come on, buddy.
10:20Come on.
10:21Let's get out of here.
10:22Let's go.
10:24What?
10:27Damn it.
10:29You had to look back, huh?
10:30I shouldn't have looked back.
10:32That was a mistake.
10:34Here you go.
10:36Pearl's back from her little sojourn
10:37at the Chemistry.
10:38I'm sure she didn't forget.
10:39Don't worry.
10:40It's not going to hurt you.
10:41What if it does?
10:42I don't know.
10:43I'm not a doctor.
10:44I'm not a dentist.
10:45I'm not a doctor.
10:46I'm not a dentist.
10:47I'm not a dentist.
10:48I'm not a dentist.
10:49I'm not a dentist.
10:50I'm not a dentist.
10:51I'm not a dentist.
10:52sojourn up the chimney. Oh, Pearl, thank you so much. No, it was our pleasure. Okay, time to push
11:00the itch. Old people try and give you snacks, make sure you hold out the cash. Yeah, cool. Um,
11:04I love this plan, I just don't want to do it. Okay, you have a lovely day, ma'am. Officer
11:09Taylor, I will be waiting for you in the truck. Cool. So, what a day.
11:14Thank you again. Yeah. Were you satisfied with the service? Yes. Great. Is there something else,
11:29officer? Well, you tell me, ma'am. No, I get it, but if any other spots open up at the shelter,
11:41let me know, because Hopper's a great dog. And, uh, if you call me back, use my cell phone,
11:46I think I'm about to be fired. Frank, you stole a dog from Precinct 13? I didn't steal a dog,
11:51I liberated a hero, who had a sterling career, retired, and was adopted by a dick. It's all
11:56in the file. You looked at the file? You never look at the file. I'm gonna get to you, Lee. Just
12:01take your time. Frank, that dog bit multiple people. No, the dog bit one person multiple
12:05times, the owner, the aforementioned dick. Someone's getting attached. What happened to
12:09Mr. Professional, ma'am? Oh, he's still there. His shoulders are still broad. He's just helping
12:13a fallen comrade. Okay, well, you have to take Hopper back to Precinct 13, so that they can...
12:18They can what? They can take him to get a belly rub from the Lord. I'm gonna give you six hours.
12:24Now, let's talk about the goat. Oh, that's Patel. He looked back. Patel, Precinct 13 is pissed. He
12:30was their therapy goat. You're a therapy goat? You slippery little... Why do they get such a
12:36special goat? I don't know, because it's a brutal job. They have two freezers, and only one of them
12:39is for food. Okay, now your turn. Can I just have a second? I'm processing a lot of imagery right now.
12:45No, you cannot. You shook down an old lady for a tip? What? That is crazy. Yeah, and she also seemed
12:52to think that you were propositioning her. I'm sorry, are you doing that thing where you get me
12:55to confess to a lesser crime by accusing me of a bigger crime? Officer rubbed his fingers together,
13:00licked his lips, and said, and I quote, would swing by to catch that kitty any time. Okay, yep,
13:07mistakes were made, but I can make it up to her, you know. I'll go by after work, bring her nice
13:12flowers, a bottle of wine. Good God, don't do that. What you're gonna do is you're gonna do kennel
13:16duty, deep clean, all by yourself, all of them. Cool, that's gonna take all night, and I don't
13:22know if I mentioned this, but this weekend, me and Isabel... You mentioned, yeah, you mentioned.
13:26I will cancel my plans. That would be so great, thank you.
13:33Well, well, well, for once, look who's the star student. Me.
13:40Oh, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, that's my, um, my birth control. A lot of
13:45different colors. Yeah, different colors for different days. Do not let the dog get the yellow.
13:51I know it's just a sponge, but do not let me say much out of the story. That's
13:56it's no partnership, I'll tell you that much, you know what I mean? Exactly. What am I looking at?
14:02LeBron is the real deal, you need to talk to this guy. Yeah, I don't know if I trust his
14:06beady eyes, pointy ears, or the complete inability to process human language. Plus, in every horror
14:11film, he's Satan. Frank, use the goat. That dog, Hopper, is triggering all sorts of stuff in you.
14:17Like, I got three hours to find him a home. I've checked every rescue and shelter, and I even
14:20messaged a woman on the apps, she thought I was a pet smart bot. Just adopt the dog. My home life
14:26is not set up for that, I got a cat. And a job. Wow, how do you do it? All right, I'm gonna go do what I
14:32do best, formulate a plan as I go. I love my daughter, I just don't know that I like her right now.
14:41Hey. Hey. Is everything okay? Seemed like you were getting a bit red and strainy out there.
14:51Literally everyone in this office screwed up today. Even Eugene, he spayed the wrong animal,
14:56like, come on, Eugene. Not everyone, bit of a star student, so. Yeah. Uh, you did bring the hammer
15:02down pretty hard on Shred, though. Okay, but who takes a tip on the job? Right, that is just so
15:09disappointing. Terrible. But do you think that maybe you chose this weekend to punish him because...
15:16Because what? You know. No, just say it. Because he had plans with Isabel. Oh, no, no, I would never do
15:26something like that. Wait, did I do something like that? Yeah, I think you might have. Oh, am I a
15:32terrible person? No, I actually do want Shred to be happy. Of course you do, yeah, you just don't want
15:37it in your face. No, I really don't. Also, though, Shred should be with someone who he has to change for.
15:43Emily. You're right, let him have his fun with his little runaround girl. Oh, still going. No, I'm done.
15:49I'm done. That was it. Got it out of my system.
16:00Get that filthy animal out of here. The dog can stay. Nice to see you, Patrick. See you're taking
16:05a break from your usual divorce dad meal of eating loose turkey over a sink. Joke's on you,
16:10because I also did that when I was still married. What's with the dog? Herp walk? Pop your hearing aid
16:15back in and find out. My former brothers in blue, this is Hopper. He used to be police. Used to be
16:22one of your own. He needs a home. So, I am here to ask you, who would like to step up and be a hero
16:30to this hero?
16:37Okay, I didn't want to say this, but if someone doesn't take him, he is going to be put down tonight.
16:50Really? No one? Patrick, how about you? Cullen got your friendship in the divorce, right? I still
16:57have custody of Juliet. Okay. Fourth of July, New Year's, the fireworks holidays. Those are the times
17:01when she needs a warm lap the most. Gene, be a darling and bring me a couple of new sons, please.
17:07Oh, come on, guys. You worked with him side by side for years. He loves you. He's like a brother.
17:14Yeah, he got a little aggressive. He didn't play exactly the way that you wanted him to play,
17:18but that doesn't mean he's not worth something. Probably thought. Okay. Okay, Bill.
17:27Okay. Oh, boy. Got a little burger smoke in my eye. Oh, come on. Not like this. Not today.
17:34I'll take the dog. Wait, really? Sure. Just compose yourself. It's freaking mortifying.
17:41Hey, show's over, folks. Probably should have left with this, but he bites. So do I. We'll work it out.
17:49Thanks, Dad. Yeah, sure. Don't come back here until I'm dead. Oh, that's fine. I can wait six months.
18:04Hey. Hey. Looking good in here. It does still smell a bit challenging. Yeah, without going
18:11into details, that goat is a productive gentleman. Yeah. Look, how about you finish this on Monday?
18:18Really? Victoria made me realize I was being a bit harsh. Well, thank you, but I think you were
18:26being fair, and I know you have a lot on your plate right now, so I'm sorry I added to it.
18:31No, it's no worries. Anyways, have a good time this weekend. Thank you. Okay.
18:38Oh, and hey, I'll post a bunch of pictures in the group chat. Good. Good.
18:45Hey. Hey. How did it go? Pretty good. Thanks for having my back, occasional truck buddy.
18:50No worries, mate. It was my pleasure. Is there anything else that I can do for you? No, no. I think I'm good.
18:58No, I think I'm good.
19:08Okay. Yeah. Okay.
19:11Um, can you break a fit? I can't. Oh, sorry.
19:19Hello. Hello. You ready? So ready. Yes. Okay, cool. My old boss just called,
19:26and she just got a new doorbell camera. Might be fun to, I don't know, walk him backwards. Hell,
19:31yeah. Let's do it. It's this guy. He's kind of hot. Yeah? Yeah.
19:48Oopsie.
19:48I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. You're a good friend. Yeah. Yeah.
20:03Can I make a toast to LeBron, the first therapist to ever take my side? Might I add
20:11reluctantly to Frank, who actually saved the dog.
20:14Mm-hmm. It wasn't me who saved him. It was me who saved me. To me. I heard you cried. Shut up.
20:24Francis! Crap, Dad. Excuse me. Be careful, Frank. We're up pretty high. Okay. I'm not afraid of heights.
20:34What? Can't do it. It's been 45 minutes. You can't bail this quickly. It's not one of my
20:40Little League games. This dirt bag bit me twice already. Yeah, I told you about that. Do we need
20:47to talk about memory issues again, Dad? I'm tying into the railing. Oh, come on. Can't do it.
20:59Need it. I got the number for a great goat.
21:03Okay, so we're getting to know each other. We've learned where our boundaries lie. Hopper and I get
21:09the bedroom. Doc Whiskers, as he has so articulately communicated, gets the rest of the world. And if
21:16we want to go to the bathroom, then we'll hold it. We will hold it. All right. All right. Let's go.
21:25All right. All right. Let's go. That precinct 13 ain't looking too bad now, is it?
21:34All new Going Dutch, next on FOX.