Raquel Laguna/ SUCOPRESS. Selina Ringel and Dan Levy Dagerman talk in this interview about working together in YOU, ME & HER. The movie was written and produced by Selina Ringel, and directed by her husband Dan. Selina also stars in the film, which is based on real-life events they went through as a married couple. The romantic comedy examines the open dialogue created to discuss relationships in the modern day. In YOU, ME & HER, Mags and Ash, marriage has become a series of arguments and compromises, leaving them both yearning for more. On their first vacation alone since becoming parents, their arguments threaten to ruin the trip—until they meet Angela, a free-spirited digital nomad who stirs unexpected feelings in Mags and gives her permission to be a version of herself she has not been in years, fun! Intrigued by Angela, the couple flirts with the idea of a threesome, but it’s never as simple as it seems.
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00:00So, well, what inspired it was that Dan and I actually went on a trip to Las Vegas without
00:06our son.
00:08And we were at this club and I got hit on by this very beautiful woman, which made me
00:14realize that I was kind of curious.
00:17And I asked my husband what he thought and he was like, Oh, yeah, like, I don't have
00:23a problem with it.
00:24And I was like, Oh, okay.
00:27And so then she actually asked for my phone number.
00:31And he would, yeah, I mean, checked in with him again, he was like, yeah, give her your
00:35phone number.
00:36So anyway, I gave her my phone number.
00:38And we spent like the next 48 hours just like really breaking down like, what's on the table,
00:44what's not what would make us feel safe, like what would be comfortable, what wouldn't and
00:48we were laughing and we were feeling so connected over this like fantasy of what this could
00:52be.
00:54This woman never texted me.
00:56So but after 48 hours in Vegas, we'd never got the text, but we started outlining the
01:04script because we felt like it brought up so much stuff in us.
01:08And as we were thinking about what it brought up in us, it also made us realize how many
01:13of our own kind of marriage dynamics we think are worth exploring.
01:19So we really wanted to kind of tap into all of that with this movie.
01:23Human interactions and relationships are inherently funny because of the ways different people
01:29come to the table with things.
01:31And setting setting this situation where there are three people, the husband and wife and
01:35adding a third person in the mix.
01:38There are three different perspectives coming at this situation.
01:41And so we wanted to handle that very realistically.
01:44The story is sort of a hyperbole of our relationship and this experience.
01:50So it was a little it was a little bit like a heightened version of real life.
01:53So we're able to ground it in our own experiences.
01:56But we also think our experiences are really funny and the interactions between couples.
02:01People recognize it and they see that humanity and they see the humor in it, you know, because
02:06they recognize it.
02:08And I like that question.
02:09You're the first person to ask that question.
02:13What have I learned from her?
02:14You know, I'm still learning from her to take up more space for myself.
02:26And what I mean by that is, I think as a working mom, the responsibility that we have is enormous.
02:35And I find myself constantly finding time to give everybody else time, right?
02:42I'm always adjusting myself so that my son can take a nap and so that my husband can
02:47do this and so that and I'm just like adjusting myself, adjusting myself, adjusting myself.
02:50And I think like one of the things that I'm learning and that I'm trying to really take
02:56in from her, which I think is part of her journey in this movie, is just really putting
03:01my foot down when I need something to be space and time for me and saying just like, these
03:08are my boundaries.
03:10This one's for me.
03:11This one's for you and leave me alone for 30 minutes.
03:16Well we started our careers, we met at the American Film Institute together and I knew
03:20Selena as a producer first.
03:22So Selena was a rock star producer, getting everything done.
03:26We made a number of short films together, starting in school, transitioning to our production
03:30company after that.
03:32And then we made our first feature, Selena wrote that one as well, so adding writing
03:36to the equation.
03:38Then in our second one, she starred in it while we had our first kid.
03:42So that was a real breakthrough and we and Selena had already been working as a performer
03:49more and more.
03:50But so that film was very experimental because we made it during COVID, shot a lot of it
03:54in our apartment and around and around.
03:57But this was our, this was our largest movie we've made together.
04:01And this was making like a true film, not as much of an experimental thing.
04:06So we were really excited about that.
04:08And with that comes the challenges of working together as a husband and wife team, which
04:14is a blessing and a curse because we're so close to each other.
04:17We have a shorthand and we tell each other exactly what we're thinking, which I don't
04:23tell anyone on set other than my wife, exactly what I'm thinking because we're driving or
04:29steering the ship.
04:30So the one part that was problematic about it, but also the best part about it is we
04:35shared our insecurities.
04:37So by sharing our insecurities, it made us each in turn more insecure, you know, so that
04:43was a real challenge during the production, but we've worked together so much and there's
04:48no other way.
04:49I would hate to do this on my own because I wouldn't be able to share my insecurities,
04:53you know?
04:54So it's a double edged sword of navigating this.
04:58And this film was a lot of therapy and telling the story and exploring these themes for us.
05:04And it also took a lot of therapy because we needed to talk about it with the third
05:08party that wasn't us.
05:12What has happened for me, which has been such a dream, is that I've been able to evolve
05:17into producing things that are actually stories that really matter to me and that are really
05:23personal to me.
05:24And so then I think it kind of like elevates things completely because you just care so
05:31much.
05:32And so you put attention into every detail.
05:37And yeah, that has been absolutely incredible.
05:40I mean, it's been a dream.
05:41And I want to shout out that I wrote a book called Be the Train, the mindset and tools
05:47you need to make your first feature that has like all the tips and tricks that I've used
05:52to kind of write for myself and to, you know, cast myself in things and to produce what's
05:59available to me.
06:00And I think we should empower, you know, the next generation of storytellers and filmmakers
06:07to.
06:08Well, I think what's amazing about what we've been able to pull off so far with our career
06:12is we have a slate of like at least 10 projects ready to go, and we've been pitching those
06:17around town.
06:18But the thing we've been most successful with are the projects that we start ourselves and
06:23follow through with and be the train on.
06:26So that's what's been really successful for us is when we start something ourselves and
06:30bring it to the finish line ourselves.
06:33And before we thought the finish line was when you finish the movie with post-production.
06:38But we're learning with this film that we're also including the release into that whole
06:42plan because we think that's really important, especially for independent films, if you want
06:46to make an impact.