Approved | 1h 24min | Action, Adventure, Comedy, Drama | 22 April 1938 (USA)
Two American Legionnaires on convention in New York share adventures and rivalries in an around show biz.
Directors: George Marshall, Allan Dwan
Writers: Norman Houston, Lou Breslow, John Patrick
Stars: Victor McLaglen, Brian Donlevy, Gypsy Rose Lee
Two American Legionnaires on convention in New York share adventures and rivalries in an around show biz.
Directors: George Marshall, Allan Dwan
Writers: Norman Houston, Lou Breslow, John Patrick
Stars: Victor McLaglen, Brian Donlevy, Gypsy Rose Lee
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00♪♪
00:00:09♪♪
00:00:19♪♪
00:00:29♪♪
00:00:39♪♪
00:00:49♪♪
00:00:59♪♪
00:01:09♪♪
00:01:19♪♪
00:01:29Mrs. Rogers.
00:01:41Mrs. Rogers!
00:01:45For heaven's sake, Homer, where's your mind? I'm right here.
00:01:48Well, where have you been?
00:01:49I've been here for 20 minutes.
00:01:51You have? Oh, take a letter.
00:01:54I was right in the middle of one until you got back in the army.
00:01:57I'd give her pretty to know what you were thinking about.
00:02:01Oh, wouldn't you, though?
00:02:03Never mind, you take another letter.
00:02:06To the, uh, open-heart foreman.
00:02:11And notify all members that there will be a meeting of the Bundy American Legion.
00:02:18Post number 2-5.
00:02:20Yeah. Don't bother, I'll go down and tell him myself.
00:02:23My land, any excuse to get down there with those ironworkers.
00:02:48Boys!
00:02:54Boys!
00:03:01Hold it!
00:03:05Wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:03:07Pipe down, you mugs.
00:03:09If Homer here's got something to say to you, give him a break.
00:03:13Go ahead, Homer.
00:03:15Commander Wheeler.
00:03:17Comrades of the Bundy American Legion post number 2-5.
00:03:22It has come to my attention that our little post hasn't money enough in its treasury
00:03:27to send our drill team to the American Legion convention in New York City.
00:03:32So...
00:03:35I have arranged for the company to finance the trip.
00:03:39Hooray!
00:03:46Quiet. Quiet!
00:03:50Boys, I think that's mighty right of the boss.
00:03:57Homer here was just a low-down buck private under me during the war.
00:04:02And it just goes to show you he's still the same.
00:04:06And although we don't expect to pay you back in money,
00:04:10we can pay him back with what's in our hearts.
00:04:14Hooray!
00:04:17Boom! Boom! Boom!
00:04:19Hooray!
00:04:22I've got to lunch. Get back to work.
00:04:25Goodbye, Homer.
00:04:39A cup of jam and a hamburger to take out.
00:04:41Mangled cow, hit and run.
00:04:43Mangled cow, hit and run.
00:04:45Onions?
00:04:46No onions.
00:04:47All the roses?
00:04:48All the roses.
00:04:52Hiya, baby.
00:04:53Hiya, doll.
00:04:55What kept you?
00:04:56The boss called a meeting.
00:04:57Ain't you hurried? We're going to the convention.
00:05:02If you're going to New York, you've got to start acting like a gentleman.
00:05:08Gee, I won't have nothing to do while you're gone.
00:05:11That's just what I want.
00:05:13And see that you don't do nothing.
00:05:17When are you leaving, Lamington?
00:05:19Desi, but we'd like to eat before then.
00:05:24What do you want, plowface?
00:05:28Plowface!
00:05:34I'll have a vegetable plate without the egg.
00:05:36Yeah, me too.
00:05:37Two loads of hay, hold the cackle.
00:05:39Two loads of hay, hold the cackle.
00:05:41Cup of coffee with a little cream.
00:05:43I'll have a cup of cream with a little coffee.
00:05:46Plowface!
00:05:48Gee, Ben, I ain't been to New York since they dumped us off in Hoboken.
00:05:52Well, I left a lot of unfinished business.
00:05:57What's eating you?
00:06:00I was thinking about that first night in New York.
00:06:04What about it?
00:06:06Well, you remember when you went up to see Big Rosie
00:06:08and Chesty Webb was popping lightbulbs outside the door?
00:06:11Oh, shut up, shut up.
00:06:15Ben here does a swan dive out the window thinking it's a guy with a gun.
00:06:21He's in such a hurry to get out he forgets his overcoat
00:06:24and the next day Chesty shows up wearing it.
00:06:28He's just seen his face, I've never seen anything like it.
00:06:31All right!
00:06:34Chesty Webb never outsmarted me in his life, see?
00:06:37Any of you guys know Chesty?
00:06:39No, but we've heard plenty about him.
00:06:42I'll tell you something about him.
00:06:44He's the biggest double-crusting foreflesher that ever disgraced a uniform.
00:06:48There you are, sugar bear.
00:06:58Chesty Webb.
00:07:00Ho, ho, ho!
00:07:03Hey, do you remember that Lulu in Bordeaux?
00:07:06No.
00:07:08Oh, yeah, sure.
00:07:10Well, Chesty gave her his ring to remember him by.
00:07:13But the next day she meets me
00:07:16and I've been wearing it ever since, look!
00:07:20Look, a genuine Inox.
00:07:22Ain't that a beaut?
00:07:24Looks like something you got out of a box of Cracker Jack.
00:07:27Yeah, it's a...
00:07:28What?
00:07:30Hiya, Benny.
00:07:31Chesty Webb.
00:07:32Well, speaking of the devil.
00:07:34We were just talking about you.
00:07:36Yeah, I heard you.
00:07:38You ain't changed a bit, have you, Ben?
00:07:40Still blowing off, ladies man.
00:07:45Gents, I ask you, get a load of that puss.
00:07:55What's the matter with my face?
00:07:57What's the matter with it?
00:07:58Didn't you just take a look at it?
00:07:59Why, that's a map that even a mother couldn't love.
00:08:03You leave my mother out of this.
00:08:05Don't take none of his lip, Ben.
00:08:07Quiet, swordfish.
00:08:10Swordfish!
00:08:11Ben!
00:08:12Ben, did you hear what he called me?
00:08:13He called me swordfish.
00:08:14He's had enough talking.
00:08:16Now I'm gonna do a little slugging.
00:08:19What's that?
00:08:21Well, knowing that you can't read,
00:08:23this says that I've been transferred here from the Pittsfield plant
00:08:26and you're looking at your new foreman.
00:08:28Now, it wouldn't be so smart to slug the new boss, would it?
00:08:32Who can read?
00:08:33Any of the rest of you monkeys that don't like them apples,
00:08:35you can turn in your time.
00:08:37Yeah, well, I'm turning mine in right now, see?
00:08:39No, you're not.
00:08:41We're not gonna let this baboon run us out of our jobs
00:08:43and cheat us out of our trip to New York.
00:08:45That's just what he wants.
00:08:46But we're sticking, see?
00:08:48Yeah, we're sticking, see?
00:08:52Hey, you know, you've got more brains than I thought you had.
00:08:57Do you gents mind if I join you?
00:09:00Yes.
00:09:02There's nothing in the rules to say that I gotta eat with you.
00:09:05But, Ben, I ain't finished yet.
00:09:07Well, finish.
00:09:08You never was particular.
00:09:10But, Snooks, you ain't ate nothing.
00:09:12Peaches, I've had more than I can stand.
00:09:16Goodbye, Benny.
00:09:17Gee, I hope he ain't sick.
00:09:19We got a date for tonight.
00:09:21Just for tonight?
00:09:22Why, a girl with your looks ought to have a date every night.
00:09:25Applesauce.
00:09:26No kidding.
00:09:27You gonna work here?
00:09:29Well, you might call it that.
00:09:31I'm the new foreman.
00:09:32Chester Webb's the name.
00:09:34But you can call me Chesty.
00:09:36Pleased to meet you.
00:09:37What did you say your name was?
00:09:39Opal.
00:09:40Opal Updike.
00:09:41A pretty name for a pretty girl.
00:09:43Yeah, and pretty rotten service, if you ask me.
00:09:46How about a check?
00:09:47Opal.
00:09:48Riffraffle.
00:09:49Riffraffle.
00:09:51That's too bad a nice girl like you has to put up with that sort of thing.
00:09:55Oh, it won't be for long.
00:09:57I'm taking a course in manicuring.
00:09:59You know, that's what I like.
00:10:00Courage and ambition in a girl.
00:10:03I'll bet you've got plenty of ambition.
00:10:06Plenty.
00:10:07What did you say you was doing tonight?
00:10:10Well, I did have sort of a halfway date with Ben.
00:10:12We were going to Klotsky's.
00:10:14That's right, sister.
00:10:16You was going to Klotsky's with Ben.
00:10:19Cut it out, Chesty.
00:10:49Some people do anything to attract attention.
00:11:46Hey, you, outside.
00:12:14Get her, Ben.
00:12:25Go get her, Ben.
00:12:27Get her, Ben.
00:12:28Get her, Ben.
00:12:29Go get her, Ben.
00:12:56Why, this is awful.
00:13:01I won't stand for it.
00:13:02I won't.
00:13:03I don't care if he is my son.
00:13:04I know what she's after.
00:13:06She's after his money.
00:13:07Well, if she thinks...
00:13:08Mrs. Rogers, do you have to knit?
00:13:10You try it.
00:13:11Might calm your nerves.
00:13:12Yeah, I won't.
00:13:13I don't want my nerves calmed.
00:13:14Mrs. Rogers, you really...
00:13:15Maybe you'd like to dictate something.
00:13:16No, I don't want to dictate anything.
00:13:18Now, see here, Homer.
00:13:19I'm just getting tired of this.
00:13:21Getting yourself all upset over nothing.
00:13:23Jack's old enough to know his own mind.
00:13:24Oh, you think so, do you?
00:13:25Getting himself involved with the showgirl.
00:13:29Come in.
00:13:32Do you want to see me, Homer?
00:13:33Yes, yes.
00:13:34Come in, Ben.
00:13:35Come in, come in.
00:13:41Come in, come in.
00:13:42Sit down, Ben.
00:13:43Sit down.
00:13:44Take your cap off.
00:13:45Yes, and take your cap off, Ben.
00:13:46Now, I've...
00:13:47Well, what is the matter with your eye?
00:13:51Well, I was minding my own business in Klaski.
00:13:54And from the blue sky...
00:13:55Well, perhaps you'd better tell me about that later.
00:13:57That isn't why I sent for you.
00:13:58Sit down, Ben.
00:13:59Sit down.
00:14:01Come in.
00:14:04You sent for me?
00:14:05Yes.
00:14:06Come in, please.
00:14:07Come in, come in.
00:14:12Sit right down here, Chesty, sir.
00:14:14Well, I suppose you ran into a door.
00:14:16No, it was a chair, and it ran into me.
00:14:18And you'll run into more than a chair
00:14:20if you don't keep away from Opal less than you can.
00:14:22Why don't you two start anything in here, or I'll finish it.
00:14:25Homer, he started it.
00:14:26Who started what?
00:14:27What are you talking about?
00:14:28Why don't you keep your kind of voice, Ben?
00:14:30Boys, boys, boys.
00:14:31I want you both to sit down and listen to me.
00:14:38Now, I sent for you fellas because, well,
00:14:40we went through a lot together over there,
00:14:42and I feel that I can depend on you to help me.
00:14:44Why, homie, you know I'd cut off my right arm for you.
00:14:48Well, I'll say he would.
00:14:49I'd hit you right on top of the head with it.
00:14:51Why don't you keep your traps and mind your own business?
00:14:53Boys, boys, boys.
00:14:54Never mind my right arm.
00:14:55Never mind.
00:14:57I just had a letter from Jack,
00:14:58and he's mixed up with some New York showgirl.
00:15:00Says he wants to marry her.
00:15:02Well, there'll be no showgirl in my family.
00:15:04No, sir.
00:15:05I talked to him on the telephone,
00:15:07and you know how kids are.
00:15:08He won't listen to his father.
00:15:10So I figured with you boys going to New York,
00:15:12you could sort of, well, straighten him out.
00:15:14Homer.
00:15:15It's a cinch.
00:15:16Sure, that's right up our alley.
00:15:17Why, do you remember the way we got you out of that jam
00:15:19with the mayor's daughter in Revigny?
00:15:25And how I played up that French writer,
00:15:27she was like,
00:15:31Mr. Rogers, you may go.
00:15:33And take your knitting with you.
00:15:36Yes, sir.
00:15:37The mayor's daughter.
00:15:40Well, it was the mayor's daughter.
00:15:42And how.
00:15:43You haven't got a thing to worry about, Homer.
00:15:45You couldn't have picked a better man
00:15:46to handle that dame than me.
00:15:48Oh, you're awful.
00:15:49You're not going to send him, are you?
00:15:51I can handle this alone, Homer.
00:15:52You can handle it alone.
00:15:53A nice mess you make handling it alone.
00:15:55Now, boys, boys, boys,
00:15:56you're both members of the Legion,
00:15:58and I'm counting on you two to forget your differences.
00:16:01I really need you both.
00:16:03Oh, all right.
00:16:06You always was a problem child of me.
00:16:08You were the sloppiest buck private I ever trained.
00:16:12Here, get a load of this, will you?
00:16:15Did you ever see anything worse?
00:16:17No.
00:16:20Ah, never mind, Homer.
00:16:22You tried.
00:16:23Thank you, Ben.
00:16:25Now, boys,
00:16:26I want Jack's affair with this girl broken off.
00:16:28I don't care what it costs.
00:16:29No gold digger is going to marry my money.
00:16:31What's this cookie's name?
00:16:32Well, you'll have to find that out.
00:16:33All I know is that she works in some cafe.
00:16:36Now, I'll arrange with the cashier
00:16:37to give you money for expenses,
00:16:39and if it costs any more to get rid of her,
00:16:40you just send the bills to me.
00:16:42You count on me, Homer.
00:16:43Me too.
00:16:44Thank you, boys.
00:16:46I knew I could.
00:16:47Now, boys, tomorrow, tomorrow you'll be off,
00:16:49and I don't want you to forget
00:16:51the spirit of the old 18th artillery
00:16:53and the Bundy Post number 25.
00:16:56Oh, yeah.
00:16:59We are the legionnaires,
00:17:02rich, poor, and millionaires
00:17:05from every post right from coast to coast,
00:17:10we stand to toast each other again like men and men.
00:17:14We're brothers, one and all,
00:17:17all for one through smiles and care.
00:17:21From our shoes, spats, coats, hats,
00:17:23all the way down and around,
00:17:24we're men of a pair.
00:17:26We're the legionnaires.
00:17:28Hooray!
00:17:29Hooray!
00:17:30We are the legionnaires,
00:17:34rich, poor, and millionaires
00:17:38from every post right from coast to coast,
00:17:42we come to toast to each other again like men among men.
00:17:47We're brothers, one and all,
00:17:50all for one through smiles and care.
00:17:54From our shoes, spats, coats, hats,
00:17:57all the way down and around,
00:17:58we're men of a pair.
00:18:00We're the legionnaires.
00:18:03We are the legionnaires,
00:18:07rich, poor, and millionaires
00:18:11from every post right from coast to coast,
00:18:15we come to toast to each other again like men among men.
00:18:20We're brothers, one and all,
00:18:23all for one through smiles and care.
00:18:27From our shoes, spats, coats, hats,
00:18:30all the way down and around,
00:18:31we're men of a pair.
00:18:33We're the legionnaires.
00:18:36Hooray!
00:18:38Hooray!
00:18:39Hooray!
00:18:40Hooray!
00:18:41Hooray!
00:18:47Bondy post, all set?
00:18:48Yes, I have your reservation, sir.
00:18:50Are you Mr. Wheeler?
00:18:51That's me, the commander.
00:18:53You've ordered 14 rooms, right?
00:18:55Yeah, and a private bath for myself.
00:18:57I ain't standing in line for nobody.
00:19:02A long boar shall hop a-la-la-la-la-la-la.
00:19:05A long boar shall hop a-la-la-la-la-la-la.
00:19:09Excuse me, please, madam.
00:19:11Sven!
00:19:12Jumping Yerusalem's turkey!
00:19:15Sven!
00:19:16Sven! Sven!
00:19:19Hey! Give me!
00:19:21Mwah! Mwah!
00:19:23Sven, you old string bean, it's great to see you.
00:19:25It's good to see you too, turkey.
00:19:27What post are you with?
00:19:28Swenson Post, number one, Crossnest, Minnesota.
00:19:31They named a post after you.
00:19:33Yeah, they did, huh?
00:19:34Where's the rest of your gang?
00:19:35There don't was any rest.
00:19:37I am the whole sheaths.
00:19:38I am the commander and the sergeant major
00:19:40and the adjutant general and all the troops.
00:19:43Yeah, you don't get it, huh?
00:19:44Well, you see, I am the only one
00:19:46that lives in Crossnest, Minnesota.
00:19:48You get it, huh?
00:19:49You get it, huh?
00:19:50Hey!
00:19:52Yeah, you name the man...
00:19:53Baby, look what you're doing to Mommy Angel.
00:19:55Come here, darling. Come here, baby.
00:19:57Come here, sugar.
00:19:58Here, darling. Here, baby. Here, baby.
00:20:00Come on, dear. Come on.
00:20:01Come on. That's it.
00:20:03Wow.
00:20:04Mmm.
00:20:05Wow.
00:20:06Wow!
00:20:08Here, darling. Come on. Come on.
00:20:09That's it, baby. Come on now.
00:20:24Anything for me?
00:20:25Oh, you have quite a bit of mail today, Miss Lee.
00:20:27Oh.
00:20:30Boy scouts?
00:20:31Only at heart.
00:20:33No, Miss, we're legionnaires.
00:20:35I'm the commander.
00:20:37Oh, cute.
00:20:38Would you sign this registration slip, please?
00:21:13He's gone.
00:21:15I've lost my baby.
00:21:17But you didn't come in with one, Miss.
00:21:18My dog, Butch.
00:21:20Oh, your dog. I'll find it.
00:21:22Butch, Butch, Butch, I'll find it.
00:21:24Butch, Butch, Butch, Butch, Butch, Butch, Butch, Butch.
00:21:27Butch, Butch, Butch, Butch, Butch, Butch, Butch.
00:21:30All right. Don't stand around like...
00:21:32Just spread out and find the dog, will you?
00:21:33No...
00:21:34Butch.
00:21:36Butch, Butch, Butch, Butch...
00:21:38Where is Butch?
00:21:39Butch is not here.
00:21:41Butch, Butch, Butch...
00:21:42Butch, Butch, Butch...
00:21:52Let's have a good look at that fortune.
00:22:01Fred! I got a job! Fred!
00:22:04Fred!
00:22:07Fred! I got a job!
00:22:09Fred!
00:22:10Fred!
00:22:12Give me that dog!
00:22:22I just wanted to tell you, if your dog's down here, I'll find him, but I was just thinking,
00:22:29he might have run upstairs to your room.
00:22:30Oh, maybe he did.
00:22:31I'll go look now.
00:22:32What is your room number?
00:22:33Just in case I find the dog.
00:22:34Oh, 714.
00:22:35Thanks so much.
00:22:36Oh, I'll carry this myself.
00:22:37Yes, sir.
00:22:38All clear, Commander?
00:22:39Yeah, she has been carried.
00:22:40Commander.
00:22:42You fool!
00:22:43You dumb, toxic, good-minded knockout, keep down your throat!
00:22:56What's the matter, Commander?
00:22:59Getting embarrassed like that.
00:23:04Where's Chesty Webb?
00:23:11I ain't seen him since the dog got lost.
00:23:14Oh.
00:23:16Hey, what's my room number?
00:23:225-5-0-4, sir.
00:23:23Okay, son, never mind that. Here you are.
00:23:41Thanks.
00:23:42Hi, boy.
00:23:43Ah!
00:23:44You don't know it, but you're going to be my little passport.
00:23:54Here, come on. Now you stay right there and rest easy. Now hold it while Papa cleans up
00:24:02for Mama.
00:24:03Open up, will you?
00:24:04What is it?
00:24:05It's me!
00:24:06Just a minute, Ben.
00:24:09Come on, budgie.
00:24:11Come on, open it, will you?
00:24:14Why don't you take a nice little step?
00:24:19Open that door, I tell ya!
00:24:28What's the idea locking me out?
00:24:31Oh, just an old army custom.
00:24:43Did you find the dog?
00:24:45Nope. Must have got away.
00:24:47Ah, that's too bad.
00:24:49I'd hate to think any of our gang took it.
00:24:52Oh, they wouldn't do that.
00:24:54Oh, no. That better not.
00:25:02Oh, these shoes.
00:25:16Say, that Miss Lee's a honey, ain't she?
00:25:19I don't know. I've seen better.
00:25:23Well, she's good enough for me.
00:25:32I wonder where that dog could have gone.
00:25:36Oh, I wouldn't know.
00:25:38No.
00:25:40You wouldn't know.
00:25:41Hey, I got an idea.
00:25:43If you want to get in good with her, why don't you go out and buy her another dog?
00:25:47Jesse, you've got something there.
00:25:51I'll look up a pet shop.
00:25:52No, no, don't bother doing that. Just get a cab and ask the driver.
00:25:57See you later.
00:26:02Bark, bark.
00:26:08Darn hiccups.
00:26:11Jesse, you better get them stopped right away.
00:26:14If they get started, they're terrible.
00:26:16Oh, they'll be all right.
00:26:19Now, don't kid about it. It's dangerous.
00:26:22Why, I heard a woman that had it for six months.
00:26:25Her heart turned over and killed her.
00:26:28Oh, they'll be all right.
00:26:31Well, I warned you.
00:26:39What's the idea?
00:26:41I thought I'd kill you by scaring you.
00:26:46Well, I guess it worked.
00:26:48You better run along now and get that dog before Miss Lee finds Butch.
00:26:53I'll be seeing you, pal.
00:27:02I've just remembered something that'll stop you.
00:27:04Come over here. Put your hands up over your head.
00:27:06Hold your breath.
00:27:07Oh, Ben, I'm all right. They've stopped already.
00:27:11There you are. You're getting worse.
00:27:12Hold that in your right hand.
00:27:13Now, hold your breath. Bend at the waist.
00:27:14What for?
00:27:15Do what I tell you, will you?
00:27:16Go on. Now, sip slowly. At the same time, hold your breath.
00:27:19Do what I tell you now.
00:27:20Hold your breath. On your heels, walk forward.
00:27:23What?
00:27:24Do what I tell you, will you?
00:27:25Now, go on. Sip slowly. On your heels. Walk forward.
00:27:30That's right. You feel the difference?
00:27:32No.
00:27:33Well, you soon will.
00:27:52Oh, operator, give me room 714.
00:27:55There.
00:27:59Hello?
00:28:00Hello, Miss Lee. This is Chesty Webb.
00:28:02You remember I promised I'd find your dog?
00:28:04Well, I did it.
00:28:06Yeah, the little rascal, he was out on the street,
00:28:09and I just snatched him out from under a truck.
00:28:12No, no, not a scratch.
00:28:14I knew you'd be worried, so I sent him up with one of the boys.
00:28:18Oh, Mr. Webb, how can I ever thank you?
00:28:21Oh, think nothing of it.
00:28:23I'll come up and see you as soon as I get cleaned up.
00:28:25Yeah, I got a little messed up diving after the dog.
00:28:28Oh, by all means, come up. I want to thank you in person.
00:28:32Oh, I think your boy's here now.
00:28:34I'll see you later. Goodbye.
00:28:42There's your dog.
00:28:43Oh, my darling. And to think he was almost run over by a truck.
00:28:48Oh, Agatha, are you sure Mr. Webb is all right?
00:28:51Webb? Sure, he's all right.
00:28:53Oh, I'm so glad. He might have been killed by that truck.
00:28:58Truck? What truck?
00:29:00Why, the one Butch was under.
00:29:02Well, look who's here.
00:29:04I told you he'd come back.
00:29:06Oh, he didn't come back. A very nice man found him.
00:29:09Oh, pardon me.
00:29:11Oh, Mr. Webb, thank you so much.
00:29:13That's all right.
00:29:14Won't you come in?
00:29:15Certainly.
00:29:16That'll be all, Ben.
00:29:19What do you mean, that'll be all?
00:29:21Miss Lee, he didn't find the dog under a truck.
00:29:23I found it in his dresser drawer.
00:29:25Why, Ben, you know it was a beer truck.
00:29:27There it was, bearing down on the poor little...
00:29:29Chesty, how can you lie like that?
00:29:32Miss Lee, he stole that dog to give to his girl, Opal.
00:29:35My girl, Opal? She's your girl.
00:29:37Well, she's yours now.
00:29:38Miss Lee, it isn't my girl.
00:29:40It doesn't make any difference, boys.
00:29:42I have my Butch, and that's all that matters.
00:29:44Well, that's exactly what I said.
00:29:46Certainly.
00:29:47And to show my appreciation, I'm going to ask you both to dinner.
00:29:50Oh, isn't that swell.
00:29:51Here?
00:29:52No, I sing in the palm room downstairs.
00:29:54And since tonight is American Legion night, I'd like you both to be my guests.
00:29:58Fine, what time?
00:29:59Where will I meet you?
00:30:00I'll have the table reserved.
00:30:01Well, that's great.
00:30:02We'll see you down there later then, Ben.
00:30:04What do you mean?
00:30:05I'll see you both down there later.
00:30:08Oh.
00:30:12From every coast we send our toast.
00:30:16From coast to coast.
00:30:18Tiddly-yum-pum-pum.
00:30:20We are the legionnaires.
00:30:24Rich, poor, and millionaires.
00:30:28Tiddly-yum-pum-pum.
00:30:30Tiddly-yum-pum-pum.
00:30:31Hey, what are you doing in there?
00:30:33Streaming clam?
00:30:37Yeah!
00:30:38We are the legionnaires.
00:30:43We are the legionnaires.
00:30:49Ha-ha-ha.
00:30:51La-la-la-la-la.
00:30:54We are the legionnaires.
00:30:57Hey, the telephone's ringing.
00:30:59Huh?
00:31:00Hello?
00:31:02Oh, yeah, yeah, just a minute.
00:31:07Hey, Ben.
00:31:08Hello.
00:31:09You wanted on the telephone.
00:31:10Who is it?
00:31:11Miss Lee.
00:31:12Miss Lee.
00:31:14Hey, you been crossing me up again?
00:31:17You been crossing me up again?
00:31:30Hey, open that door, will ya?
00:31:32Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:31:36Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:31:43Put me on to Miss Lee's apartment, please.
00:31:47Hello, Miss Lee.
00:31:49This is Ben Wheeler talking.
00:31:51Yes, I just called up to let you know that Chesty won't be with us tonight.
00:31:55Too bad.
00:31:56You wouldn't say so if you knew him.
00:31:59I hate to talk about a fellow legionnaire like this, but really, he is no good.
00:32:08Yeah, I'll see you later.
00:32:09Give me that phone, you big double-crosser.
00:32:12Oh, yeah.
00:32:13That's what you're up to, isn't it?
00:32:17Come out of there.
00:32:18Come out of there.
00:32:22Who's there?
00:32:23Jack Bundy.
00:32:25Hey, now we can find out who that showgirl is this time.
00:32:29Yeah, but we gotta be careful, Ben.
00:32:30That kid thinks he's in love.
00:32:31Now, we gotta act smart.
00:32:32Oh, don't you worry about me.
00:32:34I'll soon find out who the baby is and go down and read her the riot act.
00:32:37You better let me handle this.
00:32:40I know what to do.
00:32:42Yeah.
00:32:46Hello, kid.
00:32:47Hello, Ben. How are you?
00:32:48I'd never have known you.
00:32:49Come in, come in.
00:32:50Chesty.
00:32:51Hiya, Jack.
00:32:52Boy, you've grown like a weed.
00:32:53Sit down.
00:32:54Thanks.
00:32:55Well, how are things down in the New York office?
00:32:56Well, how's Dad?
00:32:57Oh, fine.
00:32:58Couldn't be better.
00:32:59Say, they only made one Homer Bundy and then broke the mold.
00:33:02We're just getting cleaned up to come down to the office and see you.
00:33:05Well, Dad wired me to look you up, so I thought I'd come in and see what I could do for you while you're in New York.
00:33:09Jack, here, you can't do anything for us, but maybe we can do something for you.
00:33:12Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:33:13Now, wait a minute.
00:33:14Come here.
00:33:15Excuse us, Jack.
00:33:16Look, you're using the wrong taxi.
00:33:17Shut up, will you?
00:33:18Lay off me.
00:33:23As I was saying before he interrupted me, how about that show actress you're running around with?
00:33:28How did you hear about her?
00:33:30How did I hear about her?
00:33:31Now, wait a minute, Jack.
00:33:32Lame brain here is just trying to be funny.
00:33:33As a matter of fact, your dad did say something about a girl, but we just thought we'd kind of like to meet her.
00:33:37Sure.
00:33:38Oh, so that's it.
00:33:39Sit down, Jack.
00:33:42Jackie, I've known you ever since you were a little pup, and I couldn't bear to see you make a mistake.
00:33:48Now, how do you know this little girl's on the level?
00:33:51Wait a minute, Ben.
00:33:52Now, you're talking about somebody you don't know.
00:33:54Yes, but I know women.
00:33:56Oh, now, wait a minute.
00:33:57Look, Jack.
00:33:58Will you stop interrupting?
00:34:02As I said before, I know women.
00:34:04Now, you're too nice a boy to get mixed up with a woman like that.
00:34:07Oh, let me out.
00:34:08Now, wait a minute, Jack.
00:34:09What he really means to say is...
00:34:10It's all right.
00:34:11I don't blame you, but when you talk to Dad, you tell him to keep on running that steel mill and stop running my life.
00:34:18Now, Jack, wait a minute.
00:34:19You're right, you're right, you're right.
00:34:20Now, keep calm.
00:34:21Sure, sure.
00:34:22We agree with you.
00:34:23You've got your own life to live.
00:34:24Now, let's forget the whole business and we'll all have a good time.
00:34:26What are you doing tonight?
00:34:27Oh, I don't know.
00:34:28I haven't decided on anything.
00:34:29Well, why not join us in the Palmer Room?
00:34:31Yeah, the Legion will be there and we'll have a big party.
00:34:33All right, I'll try and make it.
00:34:34What time?
00:34:35Oh, about 8.30.
00:34:37Hey, say, can I bring your girl too, will you?
00:34:40I'm afraid I can't do that.
00:34:42But I'll be there.
00:34:43So long, boys.
00:34:44So long.
00:34:45So long, kid.
00:34:46Ah, there's a great boy.
00:34:49Hey, why do you always interrupt me?
00:34:50What do you mean interrupt?
00:34:51Why, listen.
00:34:52I don't.
00:34:53I know I mean.
00:34:54You always...
00:34:55Oh, no, you don't.
00:34:57Hey, I'm Ben Wheeler.
00:34:58Where's my table?
00:34:59I'll be with you in a moment.
00:35:00Hey, where's my table?
00:35:01Right this way.
00:35:02There you are, sir.
00:35:03What time does Miss Lee come on?
00:35:04In just a few minutes.
00:35:05Will you gentlemen order now?
00:35:06No, we'll wait for her.
00:35:07Now, wait, wait.
00:35:08Now, wait.
00:35:09I said wait.
00:35:10Now, wait.
00:35:11Now, wait.
00:35:12Now, wait.
00:35:13Now, wait.
00:35:14Now, wait.
00:35:15Now, wait.
00:35:16Now, wait.
00:35:17Now, wait.
00:35:18Now, wait.
00:35:19Now, wait.
00:35:20Now, wait.
00:35:21Now, wait.
00:35:22Now, wait.
00:35:23Now, wait.
00:35:24Now, wait.
00:35:25Now, we'll wait for her.
00:35:27Hiya, Brady!
00:35:28Hello, Stokes!
00:35:29Hey, this is something, ain't it?
00:35:30Oh, the real McCoy.
00:35:32Boy, are you guys lucky, sitting right down here in the...
00:35:34Sit down, sit down.
00:35:35Sure, sure.
00:35:36Excuse me, will you?
00:35:37You know, we were sitting way back over there.
00:35:39Yeah, we couldn't see a thing here.
00:35:41Let's have a drink, mister.
00:35:42Oh!
00:35:48Some of these guys will never learn no manners now.
00:35:52Ladies and gentlemen, our Queen of Melody, Linda Lee,
00:35:56is singing a special number dedicated to visiting legionnaires.
00:36:08Who did more to win the war
00:36:11Than all of the boys in the trenches?
00:36:13Strange as it appears
00:36:15It was that lady from Armentier
00:36:19You recall how they would fall
00:36:21And crowd all available benches
00:36:23She was the toast and what a hostess
00:36:26To your Uncle Sam
00:36:28Why do I shout and rave about her?
00:36:32Don't you know who I am?
00:36:36I'm the daughter of Mademoiselle
00:36:38Mademoiselle, you remember so well
00:36:40That hinky-dinky beautiful belle from Armentier
00:36:45I'm the image of Mademoiselle
00:36:47Amorous, glamorous Mademoiselle
00:36:49Who left a million broken hearts for souvenirs
00:36:54Long ago, she did her bit for France
00:36:58But today, oh-ho
00:37:00She wouldn't stand a chance
00:37:03Now she's older and feeble as well
00:37:06I carry on for the Mademoiselle
00:37:10I honor, for I am her daughter
00:37:12The loveliest belle from Armentier
00:37:18She's the daughter of Mademoiselle
00:37:20Mademoiselle, you remember so well
00:37:22That hinky-dinky beautiful belle from Armentier
00:37:27I'm the image of Mademoiselle
00:37:29Amorous, glamorous Mademoiselle
00:37:31Who left a million broken hearts for souvenirs
00:37:35Long ago, she did her bit for France
00:37:38But today, oh-ho
00:37:40She wouldn't stand a chance
00:37:42Now she's older and feeble as well
00:37:45I honor, for I am her daughter
00:37:47The loveliest belle from Armentier
00:37:50She's the daughter of Mademoiselle
00:37:52Mademoiselle, you remember so well
00:37:54That hinky-dinky beautiful belle from Armentier
00:37:58I'm the image of Mademoiselle
00:38:00Amorous, glamorous Mademoiselle
00:38:02Who left a million broken hearts for souvenirs
00:38:06Long ago, she did her bit for France
00:38:10But today, oh-ho
00:38:12The loveliest, glamorous, glamorous belle from Armentier
00:38:16Hey!
00:38:43What did you say?
00:38:46Hey, Ben. I got an idea.
00:38:48Yeah? And it's to double-cross me again, eh?
00:38:51No, but...
00:38:52Well, fuck Garrett. Say, fuck Garrett.
00:38:54Now, wait a minute. It isn't about you. It's about Jack.
00:38:56Well, what about him?
00:38:57Now, look. The way to make a guy forget something he's got
00:39:00Is to show him something better, ain't it?
00:39:01Yeah, that's swell. But what does it mean?
00:39:04Why don't we get Miss Lee to make a play for Jack?
00:39:06She's the kind of a girl who can make a fella forget he ever knew anyone else.
00:39:09You mean, kid him along?
00:39:11Sure. Now you're clicking, Ben.
00:39:13Do you know sometimes you show a suggestion of a brain?
00:39:17Do you think she'll do it?
00:39:19Well, she seems like a good scout. No harm in asking her.
00:39:22Okay. But let me ask her. She'll do it for me.
00:39:27Well, don't mess it up like you usually do.
00:39:39Good evening, Mr. Bundy.
00:39:40Oh, good evening, Henry.
00:39:41A table?
00:39:42No, I'm joining some friends, but I'm going back to the dressing room to say hello first.
00:39:45Oh, yes, yes. She's just finished.
00:39:47Thank you, Henry.
00:39:56Oh, hello, Ruth. Will you tell Marge I'm here?
00:39:58Yeah, just a minute.
00:39:59Hey, Marge. Your heart beat's here.
00:40:03Hi.
00:40:06Well, what are you doing here so early?
00:40:08I just came over to tell you that after you're through tonight,
00:40:11we're going over to Greenwich and be married.
00:40:13Tonight? Are you crazy?
00:40:15How about you? Why Wade?
00:40:17Well, what about your father?
00:40:18Oh, I'll phone him the news tomorrow.
00:40:20Now, wait a minute. Why the sudden rush? What's happened?
00:40:25Oh, pardon me.
00:40:26Hello, Linda.
00:40:28Not a quarrel, I hope?
00:40:30No, but we're leading up to one. She doesn't marry me tonight.
00:40:32Yes, but he wants me to run away and marry him without telling his father.
00:40:35Well, you're not going to marry his father, are you?
00:40:37Linda, you don't understand.
00:40:39No, maybe that's my trouble.
00:40:41Always a bridesmaid, but never a bride.
00:40:43That's me.
00:40:45But I love it.
00:40:48You still haven't explained this rush act.
00:40:56Right over here, Miss Lee.
00:40:58Do you think I deserted you?
00:40:59Well, I'd have stayed here until that joint closed.
00:41:02You know, Miss Lee, you're a real artist.
00:41:04Yes, and that goes for me, too.
00:41:06But in spades.
00:41:07Are you hungry?
00:41:08Starved!
00:41:09Oh, I'll fix that. Hey, Garcon!
00:41:10Why, that's French.
00:41:11Sure, I picked it up over there.
00:41:13Oh, well.
00:41:14I heard him ask a lady what time it was once and she slapped his face.
00:41:20Don't pay any attention to him.
00:41:22What will you have?
00:41:23Je veux un table d'hôtes avec pigeon et vin blanc.
00:41:27Oui, mademoiselle.
00:41:28Je veux le même, avec l'exception, le beefsteak saignant.
00:41:31Du vin blanc, monsieur?
00:41:33Non, je pense que je préfère vin rouge.
00:41:35Oui, monsieur.
00:41:37Et vous, monsieur?
00:41:40I'll have the same as him.
00:41:41Très bien, monsieur.
00:41:42It better be good.
00:41:44Oh, Miss Lee, cigarette?
00:41:46Oh, yes, thank you.
00:41:47Oh, how's Butch?
00:41:48Yes, how is the little vagabond?
00:41:51He's all right.
00:41:52Now...
00:41:53Yes, and let me tell you something.
00:41:55He was never under no trucks.
00:41:57You know, Miss Lee, Ben and I were just talking before you came in.
00:42:01We were wondering if we could ask you to do us a little favor.
00:42:03Of course, what is it?
00:42:04Well, it's like this, you see.
00:42:05Our boss's son has fell in love with a gold digger.
00:42:08And she's dragging him right down the gutter with her.
00:42:10Yes, and the poor old man's at home pining his heart away.
00:42:13Sure, this kid's just a hunk of clay in her hands.
00:42:15Just a gub of mutt.
00:42:16There you are, and he's throwing away home, position, money, influence, the whole works.
00:42:20I'll tell you, she's making a regular tramp of him.
00:42:23Honest, Miss Lee, she's a cold-blooded snake with this poor kid in her coils.
00:42:28Sounds like a horrible creature.
00:42:29Oh, you haven't scratched the surface.
00:42:31But what can I do about this?
00:42:33What can you do about it, white lady?
00:42:35You're the answer to Homer Bundy's prayers.
00:42:37Who?
00:42:38Homer Bundy.
00:42:40You see, that's Jack's father.
00:42:42And we were thinking that if you were introduced to him,
00:42:44you could sort of, well, win him away from his girl.
00:42:49You say his name is Jack Bundy?
00:42:50That's right.
00:42:53How about it?
00:42:55There they are over the first...
00:42:57Oh, for Pete's sake, Linda's with them.
00:42:59Well, what does that do?
00:43:02That gives me a swell idea.
00:43:05Marge, you come over to the table after a while and pretend we've never met before.
00:43:08But why?
00:43:09I haven't time to explain now.
00:43:10Just leave everything to me.
00:43:11Now, scoot before they see you.
00:43:14But suppose the old gentleman's mistaken about the girl.
00:43:16No, no.
00:43:17She's a showgirl, and that's enough for him.
00:43:20Oh, a wizard.
00:43:21Well, now, Miss Lee, you know how some fathers are.
00:43:23Now, look here.
00:43:24Will you do it, please?
00:43:25Money's no object.
00:43:27Oh, come on, Miss Lee, be a pal.
00:43:29All right, boys.
00:43:30I'll give it a try.
00:43:31Well done, girl.
00:43:33Why, you're a cinch.
00:43:35Five minutes with you and he'll forget he ever knew the other goon.
00:43:38Goon?
00:43:39Yeah.
00:43:40So, you found out it was Linda after all.
00:43:43Yeah.
00:43:44What?
00:43:45And now that you know it's Linda, you can go back and tell Dad that he'll never separate us.
00:43:49But you mean...
00:43:50Jack!
00:43:51You have nothing to explain, dear.
00:43:52I'm sure the boys will excuse us if we dance.
00:43:55Oh, yes.
00:43:56Please excuse us.
00:43:58Please excuse us.
00:44:11You said she was dragging him in the gutter.
00:44:16Yeah.
00:44:17And you said she was a cold-blooded snake.
00:44:21Ooh.
00:44:25Jack Bundy, have you gone crazy?
00:44:27Not yet.
00:44:28Linda, you've got to help me.
00:44:29How?
00:44:30By pretending you're the girl I'm in love with.
00:44:32But I've already pretended that I don't even know you.
00:44:34Well, that's swell.
00:44:35They'll think you're trying to cover up.
00:44:36Now, here's what we'll do.
00:44:38Well, you sure got her handed to her.
00:44:41She certainly let us cut our own throats.
00:44:45There's nothing she don't know now.
00:44:48Swell idea you had.
00:44:51Well, maybe you can think of something better.
00:44:53Say, maybe I can.
00:44:56What for instance?
00:44:57What for instance?
00:45:00I'll bet I can take her away from Jack and make her fall in love with me.
00:45:06That's a swell idea.
00:45:07There's only one thing the matter with it.
00:45:09She's more likely to fall in love with me.
00:45:11You?
00:45:12Yeah.
00:45:14There's only one difference between you and me.
00:45:17That is, I'm doing it for Homer.
00:45:20It's a layoff, see?
00:45:21Okay, palsy-walsy.
00:45:23But don't forget, Linda may be a little choosy.
00:45:28Maybe she is.
00:45:30And maybe she ain't.
00:45:35Now, when Marge comes over to the table, you ought to introduce us as though we've never met.
00:45:39Looks like I'm going to have a handful during the convention.
00:45:41Why, we'll just be one big happy family.
00:45:43And have a great time at Dad's expense.
00:45:56Miss, you look beautiful.
00:46:07Miss Lee, come on. Sit down, Jack.
00:46:11Miss Lee, I want to apologize for those very embarrassing remarks he made to you.
00:46:16I made?
00:46:17Yes, you made.
00:46:18Now, wait a minute. You apologize for yourself.
00:46:20Miss Lee, he made the whole thing up.
00:46:22Why...
00:46:23Quiet!
00:46:24It's perfectly all right.
00:46:25I understand exactly the way Jack's father feels about me.
00:46:28But I assure you I'm not as bad as I'm pictured.
00:46:30I'll say you're not.
00:46:33That ought to teach you a lesson.
00:46:34Now, let you...
00:46:35Look, Miss Lee.
00:46:36There isn't any word in the whole dictionary that describes how rotten I feel about this whole thing.
00:46:40Oh, that dictionary.
00:46:41The whole encyclopedia.
00:46:43Why, don't you...
00:46:44Look, fellas. It wasn't your fault.
00:46:46So let's forget the whole thing and have a good time while you're here in New York.
00:46:48What do you say?
00:46:49That's what I say.
00:46:50Well, Linda.
00:46:51Oh, hello, Margie.
00:46:52So glad you came over.
00:46:53I want you to meet some friends of mine.
00:46:55Mr. Wheeler.
00:46:56How do you do?
00:46:57Mr. Webb.
00:46:58How do you do?
00:46:59And Jack Bundy.
00:47:00Won't you join us?
00:47:01Hey, wait a minute.
00:47:02Bring these people some food here.
00:47:06Oh, look. Are you here for the Legion Convention?
00:47:08Oh, no. New York's my home.
00:47:10I've noticed you in the show, Miss Clark.
00:47:12Oh, how nice.
00:47:13I didn't think anyone noticed poor little me.
00:47:15How could one help but notice you?
00:47:17Jack, darling.
00:47:18You never say those nice things to me.
00:47:21You don't?
00:47:22Well, for that, you ought to learn him a lesson.
00:47:24How about a little dance with me?
00:47:26Of course.
00:47:27How about me for the next one?
00:47:28Certainly.
00:47:33I'm afraid Linda doesn't exactly like this.
00:47:35Well, I like it.
00:47:36Oh, Mr. Bundy.
00:47:44You know, Miss Lee, I...
00:47:45Oh, please call me Linda.
00:47:46Okay, Linda.
00:47:48You know, if you wasn't Jack's girl,
00:47:50I'd certainly count on you a doorstep.
00:47:52The way Jack's acting, I don't think I am his girl.
00:47:55Linda, you know, I've known Jack ever since he was a little runt.
00:47:58He's a swell kid, but he doesn't appreciate a girl like you.
00:48:03Oh, Mr. Wheeler.
00:48:04Oh, call me Ben.
00:48:06All right, Ben.
00:48:08Say, what are you doing later tonight?
00:48:11Well, I guess I'll have to be with Jack.
00:48:13Well, how about tomorrow?
00:48:15I'm going shopping.
00:48:16Oh, can I come with you?
00:48:17Oh, of course, if you want to.
00:48:18But you have to promise not to tell anyone.
00:48:20Oh, don't worry.
00:48:22Nobody will learn nothing from me.
00:48:27You know, Miss Lee, I've been dancing for years.
00:48:29This is the first time I ever felt like I was floating.
00:48:31Oh, nice.
00:48:32But must we be so formal?
00:48:33What do you mean?
00:48:34Why don't you call me Linda?
00:48:38You know, Jack doesn't realize what a lucky guy he is.
00:48:40Lucky?
00:48:41Well, having a wonderful girl like you.
00:48:43Oh, yes.
00:48:44Wonderful friends, too.
00:48:45You know, it's too bad he doesn't appreciate you.
00:48:49What do you mean?
00:48:50Oh, now, I'm not the kind of a guy to say anything,
00:48:53but I've been sitting over there at that table.
00:48:55He's taken to that little dancer like a duck takes to water.
00:48:58Oh, he's just being polite.
00:49:00Huh.
00:49:01That isn't what we used to call it in the army.
00:49:07Oh, two can play that game.
00:49:09And we're just the two can do it.
00:49:11What are you doing after the show tonight?
00:49:13Oh, I suppose I'll have to brave it out with Jack.
00:49:15Oh, can't you get out of it?
00:49:16No.
00:49:17But you can go shopping with me tomorrow.
00:49:19You wouldn't be too bored.
00:49:20Bored?
00:49:21What time, Linda?
00:49:23Nice friends you have.
00:49:24They both made a date with me for tomorrow morning.
00:49:26Of course, you didn't encourage them.
00:49:28They didn't need any.
00:49:29Where are they taking you?
00:49:30I'm taking them.
00:49:31Shopping.
00:49:32Linda, I don't know how I'm ever going to repay you.
00:49:34We'll leave that to Papa.
00:49:35He told Ben that money ain't no object.
00:49:38Oh.
00:49:44Good morning, Mrs. Rogers.
00:49:45Good morning.
00:49:47How do you feel this morning, Homer?
00:49:49Oh, I never felt better.
00:49:50I just shot a 95.
00:49:52Did I take the boys?
00:49:53Why, I'm walking on air.
00:49:55Here's another little ray of sunshine for you.
00:49:57Yeah.
00:49:58Why?
00:49:59You're a New York correspondent.
00:50:00Well, there's quite a lot of it this mo...
00:50:09Well, what's it?
00:50:10Don't be discouraged.
00:50:11There's more.
00:50:12Uh.
00:50:18Oh.
00:50:21Um.
00:50:25Oh, dear.
00:50:26Here.
00:50:27Get Chessie and Ben on the phone.
00:50:28I want to talk to them.
00:50:29I've already called them.
00:50:30They've gone to the races.
00:50:31The hotel clerk tells me they're out buying a horse for Miss Lee.
00:50:33A horse?
00:50:34I don't want a horse.
00:50:35What do they think they're doing?
00:50:36Well, here's a letter from them.
00:50:37Dear Homer, everything's fine.
00:50:38It's a tough struggle,
00:50:39but we're winning Miss Lee away from Jack.
00:50:41It's a little expensive,
00:50:42but in a couple of weeks,
00:50:43she won't know he's alive.
00:50:44In a couple of weeks,
00:50:45I'll be in the poorhouse.
00:50:46I'll phone the airport.
00:50:47Make a reservation for me.
00:50:48I'm leaving for New York immediately.
00:50:49Well, I've already taken care of it.
00:50:51The plane leaves in 30 minutes.
00:50:52Yes.
00:50:53Oh, have...
00:50:54have better pack my bag.
00:50:55I've already done so.
00:50:56He's downstairs waiting in the car.
00:50:57That's good.
00:50:58Now, wait a minute.
00:50:59Yes.
00:51:00Here's your ticket,
00:51:01and I made a reservation for you with the Palmer.
00:51:02Well, is there anything you haven't done?
00:51:03I haven't paid those bills.
00:51:04I'm not going to do...
00:51:05No, no, no.
00:51:06I'm going to take care of that gold digger myself.
00:51:15Something to read?
00:51:17Here for the late paper, sir?
00:51:18Oh, thank you.
00:51:19Thank you very much.
00:51:35Students!
00:51:36Students!
00:51:37Yes, sir.
00:51:38Is something wrong?
00:51:39What time do we get there?
00:51:40About an hour.
00:51:41An hour?
00:51:42But I...
00:51:43I've got to get there quicker.
00:51:44I can't waste so much time.
00:51:45Tell the pilot I'll give him $100
00:51:46if he gets there right away.
00:51:47Don't do that!
00:51:48I said tell the pilot I'll give him $100
00:51:49if he gets...
00:51:50Don't stand there now.
00:51:51You hurry up.
00:51:52Tell him I'll give him $200.
00:51:53Hurry, hurry, students.
00:51:54Hurry!
00:51:58I am Homer C. Bundy.
00:52:00Have you a reservation for me?
00:52:01Oh, yes, Mr. Bundy.
00:52:041014.
00:52:05Yes, sir.
00:52:06Is Mr. Wheeler or Mr. Webb in?
00:52:08They're out for the day.
00:52:09I believe they went to the races.
00:52:10Well, do you know if they bought the horse?
00:52:12What horse?
00:52:13Why, the one that...
00:52:14Oh, I beg your pardon.
00:52:15You wouldn't know, would you?
00:52:16No, sir.
00:52:17This way, sir.
00:52:20Do you know what room Miss Linda Lee is in?
00:52:22Yes, sir.
00:52:23714.
00:52:24Let me off at the 7th.
00:52:25You just take those things on up to my room.
00:52:27Oh, thank you, sir.
00:52:28Yes.
00:52:34I wish to see Miss Lee.
00:52:35But you can't.
00:52:36She ain't in.
00:52:37Then I'll wait.
00:52:38I never said you could wait.
00:52:39Who is you anyhow?
00:52:40I am Homer C. Bundy.
00:52:41That don't mean nothing to me.
00:52:42Well, it does to Miss Lee.
00:52:45Well, I'll tell you, she ain't here.
00:52:47She's at the racetrack with the American Legion.
00:52:49Oh, she is, eh?
00:52:50Well, when she gets in here, she'll think the Marines have landed.
00:52:52Yes.
00:52:54Hey.
00:53:03Nice doggie.
00:53:04Nice doggie.
00:53:05That's my boy.
00:53:06Nice doggie.
00:53:07Here are the legionnaires,
00:53:12Rich, poor and pillionaires.
00:53:15From every post,
00:53:17Right from coast to coast,
00:53:19We've come to toast.
00:53:21To each other again, like men among men.
00:53:24We're brothers, one and all,
00:53:27All for one, through smiles and cares.
00:53:31From our shoes, spats, coats, hats,
00:53:34All the way down in Iran, we are men of affairs.
00:53:37We're the Legionnaires!
00:53:40Company, halt!
00:53:42You take over, Commander.
00:53:44Have the men report from the cafe at 8 o'clock for dinner.
00:53:47Very good, sir.
00:53:51Dismissed!
00:54:16This is your station. You get off here.
00:54:19You know, those airplane motors really make a person feel very, very sleepy.
00:54:24You know, I was really sound asleep then, wasn't I?
00:54:29Are you Miss Lee?
00:54:31You're a better guesser than I am. I don't know you.
00:54:34Young woman, my name is Homer C. Bundy.
00:54:37Well, Mr. Bundy, this is a surprise.
00:54:41An unexpected surprise.
00:54:44Oh, Agatha, does Jack know you're in town?
00:54:47He does not.
00:54:48Well, then we'll all get a surprise.
00:54:51Yeah.
00:54:52Oh, won't you sit down, and I'll try to find Jack.
00:54:55I won't sit down. And never mind Jack. I want to see you.
00:54:58Did you call me, ma'am?
00:55:00Yes. Fix Mr. Bundy a cocktail.
00:55:02What would you like to have?
00:55:03Nothing. I just want to talk.
00:55:05Well, I'm sure you can talk much better after you have a drink.
00:55:08An old-fashioned Mr. Bundy.
00:55:10She makes the most delicious old-fashioned.
00:55:14So, you're Mr. Bundy.
00:55:16Yes.
00:55:17You have no idea how I've been looking forward to the pleasure of meeting you.
00:55:21Oh, thank you. Well, I might as well come to the point.
00:55:23I know that you're interested in my son Jack, and frankly, I don't approve.
00:55:27Hmm. You don't approve of show people, or is it me?
00:55:31Well, now, that's beside the point.
00:55:33Many a promising career has been ruined by the wrong marriage.
00:55:37Marriage?
00:55:39Marriage?
00:55:43Whatever gave you the idea that I wanted to marry your son?
00:55:47Well, don't you?
00:55:48Mr. Bundy, I assure you that I will never marry your son.
00:55:52You won't? Well, I was under the impression. I thought that...
00:55:55Whatever you thought is wrong.
00:55:57It was nothing but a beautiful friendship.
00:55:59A beautiful friendship? Well, I'd call it an expensive friendship.
00:56:03Just a moment, Mr. Bundy.
00:56:10Everything that's been given me is here.
00:56:12You can take what belongs to you right now.
00:56:16Your notice is not even unwrapped.
00:56:18Now, now, Miss Lee, I seem to have made a mistake.
00:56:21And whenever I make a mistake, I'm man enough to admit it.
00:56:26Bundy.
00:56:30That's what I get for trying to do the right thing.
00:56:33Oh.
00:56:35Now, now, Miss Lee, you mustn't feel like that.
00:56:38Jack has always been an impulsive, headstrong boy.
00:56:41And I... Well, I just got the wrong impression, that's all.
00:56:44Yeah, yeah, Miss Linda. I fixed you one, too.
00:56:47Never mind, Agatha.
00:56:49Oh.
00:56:53Now, now, Miss Lee, why won't you join me, please?
00:56:56No, thank you.
00:56:58And Agatha, pick up these things so Mr. Bundy can take them with him.
00:57:01You do nothing of the kind.
00:57:02Agatha, do as you're told.
00:57:03Agatha, don't you dare touch them.
00:57:05Now, Miss Lee, I insist on your keeping these things
00:57:08as an expression of, well, my friendship, eh?
00:57:11Well, that's the way you put it.
00:57:14Of course I do. Here.
00:57:17Here, let me take this coat out of your way, Mr. Bundy.
00:57:25Oh, thank you.
00:57:27To a better understanding, eh?
00:57:30And a beautiful friendship.
00:57:32Yes, yes.
00:57:36Oh, that's cute.
00:57:38That's Dad and me when we did our vaudeville act together.
00:57:40It is?
00:57:41I was only ten years old.
00:57:42You mean you've been working ever since you were a child?
00:57:45All my life.
00:57:46I was practically raised in a theatrical trunk.
00:57:48Oh, dear, that must have been very inconvenient.
00:57:50Well, it wasn't always easy.
00:57:51It is, I can understand that.
00:57:53Well, this is when I first joined the Bluebird Follies.
00:57:57Well, that's pretty.
00:58:03You know, Miss Lee, you deserve everything you can get out of life.
00:58:07Why don't you call me Linda, Homer?
00:58:09Of course I will, Linda.
00:58:12Oh, we're going to have dinner before my first show,
00:58:14and I'm going to have to hurry.
00:58:15Linda, there's something I have to confess to you.
00:58:18What is it?
00:58:19I don't know.
00:58:20I don't know what it is.
00:58:23Linda, there's something I have to confess to you.
00:58:26Confess?
00:58:27Those two boys, you know, Mr. Wheeler and Mr. Webb, I sent them here.
00:58:31It was my scheme to separate you and Jack.
00:58:34I'm awfully sorry.
00:58:36Homer, I have something to confess to.
00:58:39You have?
00:58:40I knew it all the time.
00:58:42You did?
00:58:45Well, that certainly was a good one on me.
00:58:49You make yourself comfy.
00:58:50Just take me a minute to get dressed.
00:58:51Of course I will.
00:58:52Now, you take your time.
00:59:07Say, Ben.
00:59:08Yeah?
00:59:09You know, there's something bothering me.
00:59:11Again?
00:59:13What is it?
00:59:14My conscience.
00:59:17Since when did you grow a conscience?
00:59:19Well, no fooling.
00:59:20I've always had one when it comes to Homer.
00:59:24We've been spending a lot of his dough
00:59:26and I just thought it might be a good idea
00:59:28if you got yourself a girl.
00:59:30Yeah?
00:59:31Just what's on your crooked mind?
00:59:35Well, to be perfectly frank, Ben,
00:59:37Linda ain't so hot for you.
00:59:41So that's it, is it?
00:59:43So that's it, is it?
00:59:45Now, if you want to do Homer a favor
00:59:47and Linda some good,
00:59:48you'd better step out of here
00:59:50and leave us alone, see?
00:59:51It ain't the first time she's complained about you
00:59:53tagging along.
00:59:55You're nothing but an interloper.
00:59:57That's what you are.
00:59:59Oh, Ben.
01:00:00You'll never understand about women.
01:00:02Can't you see that Linda's just trying to let you down easy
01:00:05and you won't take the hint?
01:00:07There's only one way to settle this.
01:00:09I'll telephone her.
01:00:10Oh, no, Ben.
01:00:11Now, look, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
01:00:14Ben, give me that phone, will you?
01:00:16Give me that phone, Ben.
01:00:17Give me 714, please.
01:00:20Yeah.
01:00:25Oh, Linda, your phone is ringing.
01:00:27Oh, answer it, will you please?
01:00:29And tell whoever it is that I'm out.
01:00:31And you don't know when I'll be back.
01:00:33Hello?
01:00:34Hey, get off the line, will you?
01:00:36I'm calling Miss Lee's apartment.
01:00:38This is Miss Lee's apartment and she's not in.
01:00:40And she doesn't know when she's coming back.
01:00:42Well, who are you?
01:00:43Never mind who I am.
01:00:45Oh, is that so, huh?
01:00:46Well, I'm coming up to find out who you are.
01:00:48And you better be a brother, see?
01:00:50Come on, Chesty.
01:00:51What's the matter?
01:00:52Some man talked on the phone with the younger place.
01:00:54Oh, yeah?
01:00:55I'll fix him.
01:00:56But we got a right to know.
01:00:57I'll stop the telephone down in Trout.
01:00:59You said it.
01:01:03Oh, Linda.
01:01:04Oh, Linda.
01:01:05Linda.
01:01:06Who was it?
01:01:07It's Chesty and Ben and they're on their way up.
01:01:09Oh, that's fine.
01:01:10Yeah.
01:01:11No, I mean, I'd rather they didn't find me here like this.
01:01:13It might be very embarrassing to me.
01:01:14Well, to you.
01:01:15Well, to all of us.
01:01:16What do you want to do?
01:01:17Well, I was wondering if you had a convenient place to hide where they wouldn't find me.
01:01:19In the closet.
01:01:20Oh, yes.
01:01:21Of course, I realize it's very irregular.
01:01:22But will you understand?
01:01:23Of course.
01:01:24They might not.
01:01:25No.
01:01:34Hello, boys.
01:01:35Oh, I thought you were out.
01:01:39All right, where is he?
01:01:40Where's who?
01:01:41That fresh mug that answered the telephone.
01:01:43Oh, there's no one here.
01:01:44And you've no right to come dashing in like this.
01:01:46Oh, ain't we?
01:01:47But we've a right to stop you from double-crossing Jack.
01:01:49Well, you're a couple of fine feathered friends to talk about double-crossing Jack.
01:01:53Now, there's gratitude for you.
01:01:55After all the dough we spent on it.
01:01:57Yeah.
01:01:58Well, it just happens there's no one here and I'll thank you both to leave.
01:02:00Well, allow me to tell you this, lady, that I'm going to...
01:02:03Hey, look.
01:02:05Kind of big for butch, ain't it?
01:02:07All right, come on.
01:02:08Where is he?
01:02:09I'll break him in two.
01:02:10Say, where is he?
01:02:11Come on.
01:02:18Gentlemen, take my advice.
01:02:19You'll leave before you're sorry.
01:02:21Sorry?
01:02:22Oh, he ain't going to be sorry.
01:02:26Don't say I didn't warn you.
01:02:28What's that?
01:02:29Clean.
01:02:30Right.
01:02:34Boys, you're making an awful mistake.
01:02:40Be careful, boys.
01:02:51Homer.
01:02:53Yes, sir?
01:02:55Homer.
01:02:57Yeah.
01:02:58I'll bet you're surprised.
01:03:00Unconscious is the word.
01:03:03Come, Homer.
01:03:04I think the boys would like to be alone, huh?
01:03:06Oh, yes, yes, of course.
01:03:10I imagine I'll have upset them.
01:03:13It's been awfully nice knowing you.
01:03:15Oh, yes, it's quite.
01:03:16Yes, of course.
01:03:25I...
01:03:37Has Homer Bundy, the steel man, become putty in the hands of Linda Lee?
01:03:42Putty in the hands of Linda Lee.
01:03:45And the worst part of it is, it's true.
01:03:47She couldn't get me that easy.
01:03:49Well, she sure got Homer.
01:03:50I never thought Linda was the kind of a girl that would do a thing like that.
01:03:55It's my own fault.
01:03:56I shouldn't have started it in the first place.
01:03:59Why don't you go up and have another talk with him?
01:04:01You know how fathers are.
01:04:03He wouldn't listen to me.
01:04:04But somebody's got to straighten him out.
01:04:06Well, if it's got to be done, I suppose I've got to do it as usual.
01:04:13I've got him out of many a jam in the army.
01:04:15Well, let's all go up.
01:04:16Maybe the three of us can convince him.
01:04:18Say, I'll just take the old bull by the horns.
01:04:20All right.
01:04:21But he's a stubborn man.
01:04:22You know, I thought Homer was too old to go for a girl like Linda.
01:04:25Nobody's too old to go for a girl like Linda.
01:04:34Hello, Homer.
01:04:35How are you?
01:04:36All right.
01:04:37Make yourselves at home.
01:04:39Oh, let me help you with that, Dad.
01:04:41Yes, I wish you would, Jack.
01:04:42I never could tie one of these things.
01:04:43Here, get this coat on.
01:04:44Oh, thanks.
01:04:45It's very nice.
01:04:46Oh, you can't go out with your shoes like that.
01:04:47Oh, hey, Homer.
01:04:48Well, I haven't seen much of you in the last few days.
01:04:50That's not my fault.
01:04:51Yes, I have been rather busy.
01:04:53Yes, I've been reading about it.
01:04:54Yeah, that's what we've come to see about.
01:04:56Come on, come on.
01:04:57Get off your chest.
01:04:58What is it?
01:04:59Well, it looks like you're in a jam.
01:05:00And I've got to see you out of it again.
01:05:01A jam?
01:05:02Yeah, you know, the girl Linda.
01:05:03Now, look here, Ben Wheeler.
01:05:04Now, wait a minute, Homer.
01:05:05You know, we've got your interest at heart.
01:05:06Say, what are you trying to tell me?
01:05:07Well, it's about this girl Linda.
01:05:09Now, she's a nice girl in her own way.
01:05:11Well, there's no use beating about the bush.
01:05:12Dad, she's making a fool out of you.
01:05:14Yes, a big chump.
01:05:15So what's good enough for the goose
01:05:16isn't good enough for the gander, is that it?
01:05:18But that isn't the point, Dad.
01:05:19Linda isn't the girl I'm in love with and never has been.
01:05:22So she told me.
01:05:23She told you?
01:05:24Everything.
01:05:25Everything?
01:05:26Well, now, Homer, you know, we were acting under order.
01:05:28Now, look here.
01:05:29That girl has had a hard struggle.
01:05:30Why, she comes from a fine family of actors.
01:05:32Why, she rode a bicycle when she was only 10 years old.
01:05:36But, Dad, don't you see that she's only after your money?
01:05:38And when she gets it, she'll drop you like a hot potato.
01:05:41Son, you've said enough.
01:05:42You're talking about the woman who's going to be your mother.
01:05:45Huh?
01:05:46Huh?
01:05:48Mother?
01:05:49Oh, she can do that.
01:05:51You can't be serious.
01:05:52Oh, can't I?
01:05:53Can't I?
01:05:54Well, here's the license, and we're going to be married tomorrow.
01:05:58Dad, I won't let you do it.
01:05:59I'm not going to let her get away with that.
01:06:01Now, listen, you three.
01:06:02I'm old enough to know my own mind, and I've heard enough.
01:06:05Now, you get out of here before I lose my temper.
01:06:07Homer, Homer.
01:06:08Get out!
01:06:09Get out!
01:06:13Get out!
01:06:15Get out!
01:06:28If he'd only stayed in Bundy and left everything to us.
01:06:32But the moment I saw him in that closet, I knew he was a cuckoo.
01:06:37If I could get Dad away from her for a couple of days,
01:06:40I could prove to him that all she's after is his money.
01:06:44Say, we could tie him up and lock him in his room.
01:06:48No, no.
01:06:50Nah.
01:06:53Who would have thought Homer would go off his nut like this?
01:06:58Hey!
01:07:00If Homer really was nuts, they'd lock him up, wouldn't they?
01:07:07Yeah.
01:07:15We didn't want to bother you, Homer.
01:07:17But when Jack phoned up from jail and told us where he was,
01:07:19we thought we'd better come and get you.
01:07:21Well, I can't understand Jack fighting policemen.
01:07:23What for?
01:07:24Well, search me.
01:07:25All I know is they got him in some jug out near Yonkers.
01:07:27Well, was he drunk?
01:07:28I don't know.
01:07:29But when we saw him last, he was pretty broken up about Linda being his mother.
01:07:33Oh, he was, was he?
01:07:34Now, Homer, don't you worry about a thing.
01:07:36We're going to straighten everything out.
01:07:38You bet we will.
01:07:39Well, I should think so.
01:07:46Well, how the Sam Hill did Jack get away out here?
01:07:48Well, I guess he didn't know where he was going.
01:07:50But how could he get mixed up with policemen away out here in the woods?
01:07:53Well, Homer, you know how cops are.
01:07:54They're always around where you don't expect them.
01:07:56Hey, we're almost there now.
01:08:05Just wait here.
01:08:06Why, this isn't a jail.
01:08:07What's the meaning of this?
01:08:08Homer, you're going to have a nice, long rest.
01:08:11What?
01:08:12Oh, why, you let go of me.
01:08:13Now, Homer, it's clear you're wrong.
01:08:14You let go of me.
01:08:15Good.
01:08:16I'll have you two put in prison if it's the last thing I do.
01:08:18Now, take it easy, boss.
01:08:19Now, we've got to do this for you, Homer, if it gets us 20 years.
01:08:22Mr. Halligan, Professor Halligan, come right in.
01:08:24I won't come in.
01:08:25I won't come in.
01:08:26I won't come in.
01:08:27I won't come in.
01:08:28I won't come in.
01:08:29I won't come in.
01:08:30I won't come in.
01:08:31I won't come in.
01:08:32I won't come in.
01:08:34I'm not a patient.
01:08:35I'm all right.
01:08:36I'm not nervous.
01:08:37I'm perfectly all right.
01:08:38Homer, everything's going to be all right.
01:08:40Ah, don't do that.
01:08:42Ah, don't do that.
01:08:47Yes, yes, I can see he's nervous.
01:08:48Take him into the office.
01:08:49Somebody's going to pay for this.
01:08:50Somebody will pay for this.
01:08:51Somebody will most certainly pay for this.
01:09:04Well, gentlemen, I think I understand the case perfectly.
01:09:12He's a double 12 with just a touch of 32, but we can cure him.
01:09:15I don't want to be cured.
01:09:16I want to get out of here.
01:09:17Just a minute, Mr., Mr., Mr., what's his name?
01:09:21I am Homer C. Bundy, the Bundy Steel Company.
01:09:23Oh, that's what he thinks.
01:09:24Now, don't you worry, Mr. Bundy.
01:09:25We'll soon make a new man.
01:09:26I don't want to be a new man.
01:09:27I'll shoo you.
01:09:28I'll break you.
01:09:29I'll see that you don't get away.
01:09:30You're out of chance.
01:09:31I'll turn him over to the best boy in my house.
01:09:33I don't want to be turned over.
01:09:35Where do you want to put him?
01:09:36Leave him to me.
01:09:37I'll take charge of him.
01:09:38You open the door.
01:09:39But can't you understand?
01:09:40Can't you understand?
01:09:41There's nothing the matter with me.
01:09:42I'm trying to make you understand.
01:09:44I'm trying to explain to you that I'm a perfect man.
01:09:46You are me, Professor.
01:09:48You can't do this thing to me.
01:09:50Here's a new patient for you.
01:09:51What treatment?
01:09:52Listen, I'm Homer C. Bundy, and you're going to regret this.
01:09:54There'll be $200 deposit.
01:09:56What?
01:09:57What?
01:09:58Hey, wait a minute.
01:09:59Oh, I knew you boys wouldn't go through with this.
01:10:01You were only fooling with...
01:10:02What are you up to?
01:10:03My money.
01:10:04Can't you see I'm being robbed?
01:10:05Listen, you'll pay for this and you'll pay for everything.
01:10:07Remember what you said.
01:10:08Money ain't no object.
01:10:09Take him away.
01:10:10Come on.
01:10:11Right.
01:10:12We are the Legionnaires.
01:10:14Revenge for a sinner.
01:10:28You can unpack.
01:10:29Well, I wouldn't let that man worry me, no indeedy.
01:10:32I sure hope you'll sue him for breach of promise and heartburn.
01:10:35No, Agatha.
01:10:36If Mr. Bundy doesn't want me, I don't want anything from him.
01:10:39Hmm, hmm.
01:10:40Just cause she was in love with that man,
01:10:42there ain't no need of throwing away money, no sir.
01:10:45If it was me, I'd sure make him pay for busting my heart wide open.
01:10:49I tell you, I don't want nothing to do with him.
01:10:51I don't want nothing to do with him.
01:10:53I don't want nothing to do with him.
01:10:56I tell you, I don't want anything to do with him.
01:10:58I'm all right.
01:10:59I won't play.
01:11:00You let me alone.
01:11:01Come on, pick it up, Homer.
01:11:02I won't pick it up.
01:11:03You let me alone.
01:11:04I expect you to get well if you don't.
01:11:05I don't want to get well.
01:11:06You let me out of here.
01:11:07Come on now, Homer.
01:11:08Don't get excited.
01:11:09I'm not excited.
01:11:10How would you like to go for a little ride?
01:11:11I don't want to go for a ride.
01:11:12Yeah.
01:11:13Well, now, maybe the air would do me good.
01:11:16Come on.
01:11:17Oh, that's fine.
01:11:19Good morning, Pinky.
01:11:20Good morning, Judge.
01:11:21You patient?
01:11:22Are you really a judge?
01:11:23Oh, I'm always glad to see you.
01:11:24Say, listen, Judge.
01:11:25I'm Homer C. Bundy, the Bundy Steel Company.
01:11:27How do you do?
01:11:28Judge, I'm being abducted.
01:11:29They're holding me here against my will.
01:11:31That's what I teach you.
01:11:32That's hitting the bottle.
01:11:33I never took a drink unless I was drunk.
01:11:34Too bad.
01:11:38Ah!
01:11:39Ah!
01:11:41Ah!
01:11:43How many of you want to know yourself
01:11:44when I get through with you?
01:11:45I don't need to know anyone else.
01:11:46Ah!
01:11:49You're feeling good, don't you?
01:11:51And to think this is to be my wedding day.
01:11:54That's a good sign when a guy thinks in love.
01:11:56It shows he's getting better.
01:12:00Pinky, for the last time,
01:12:02will you please make a telephone call for me?
01:12:05You wouldn't want me to break the rules, would you?
01:12:07Roll over.
01:12:08Oh, dear.
01:12:16Pinky, I'll give you $100
01:12:18if you telephone Linda Lee at the Palmer Hotel.
01:12:21Linda Lee, the singer?
01:12:22Yes, I've got to get in touch with her.
01:12:23I know, Linda.
01:12:24You do?
01:12:25Yeah.
01:12:26I'm your own house champ.
01:12:28Oh!
01:12:29We work benefits together.
01:12:30She's some babe.
01:12:31Oh, hold on a minute.
01:12:32Well, will you telephone to her?
01:12:34No, rules is rules.
01:12:35I'll make it $200.
01:12:36Oh, that's bribery.
01:12:37$300.
01:12:41In case I weaken, where's your pants?
01:12:42Right over there.
01:12:43I'll get them for you.
01:12:44Ah!
01:12:45Oh!
01:12:48Good morning, Agatha.
01:12:49Y'all can't come in here
01:12:51Get off my feet!
01:12:52Listen, I told you couldn't get in yet!
01:12:54That'll be all, Agatha.
01:12:57I see you read the paper.
01:12:58Yes.
01:12:59Well, I could have told you,
01:13:00Dad would never go through with it.
01:13:01Oh, I'm disappointed in you, Linda.
01:13:03Trying to hook a nice guy like Homer.
01:13:05Yeah, and him just a playboy,
01:13:07trying to show you a good time.
01:13:09Yeah.
01:13:10Now, Dad and I talked this whole thing over
01:13:12before he left,
01:13:13and we knew there'd be the usual
01:13:14breach of promise suit,
01:13:15so I'm here to settle out of court.
01:13:17When did you see him?
01:13:18Last night,
01:13:19before he decided to,
01:13:20shall I say, duck out?
01:13:22I don't believe it.
01:13:23Oh, that's on the level.
01:13:25That's on with my own eyes.
01:13:26Getting on a boat, going to Africa.
01:13:28Sure, that guy Homer's
01:13:29just a natural born butterfly.
01:13:31That's him.
01:13:32Here today and gone tomorrow.
01:13:34Now, how much do you want
01:13:35for your wounded feelings?
01:13:42Hello?
01:13:43Hello, Linda.
01:13:44This is Pinky McCann, the ex-champ.
01:13:46Remember me?
01:13:48Yeah.
01:13:49Linda, there's an old troop out here.
01:13:51I am not an old troop.
01:13:52You are an old troop.
01:13:53I said an old troop out here
01:13:55claims to be engaged to you.
01:13:57His name is Homer Bundy.
01:13:59Who?
01:14:00Oh, hello, Aunt Hildegard.
01:14:04I'm so glad you called.
01:14:07You saw the papers.
01:14:09Well, I'll manage to bear up.
01:14:12How's Uncle Milton taking it?
01:14:14What do you mean, Aunt Hildegard
01:14:15and Uncle Milton?
01:14:17This is Pinky McCann.
01:14:19Yes, I know, dear.
01:14:20But please let me speak
01:14:21to Uncle Milton.
01:14:22No, no, you don't understand.
01:14:24I'm Pinky McCann
01:14:25and this is Homer Bundy.
01:14:26Give me that phone.
01:14:27She don't want to talk to you.
01:14:28She wants her Uncle Milton,
01:14:29or I'm nuts.
01:14:30Hello, Linda, is that you, darling?
01:14:31Well, this is Homer.
01:14:32What?
01:14:33Never mind your Uncle Milton.
01:14:35Listen, darling,
01:14:36I'm being held a prisoner
01:14:37at, what's the name of this place?
01:14:38Halligan's Health, home at Briar.
01:14:39Hooligan's Health.
01:14:40Holligan's who?
01:14:41You tell her.
01:14:42Halligan's Health, home at Briar.
01:14:43Thanks, thanks very much.
01:14:44And darling, will you please
01:14:45hurry while there's still
01:14:46nothing left of me?
01:14:47Now, don't you worry, Uncle Milton.
01:14:49Everything is going to be all right.
01:14:51See you soon.
01:14:52Goodbye.
01:14:55Agatha, my cape.
01:14:56Yes.
01:14:57I'm going away.
01:14:58Hey, wait a minute.
01:14:59Let's get this thing settled.
01:15:04Where are you going, Miss Linda?
01:15:05Does it matter?
01:15:06Does anything matter?
01:15:07Don't you go to a Milton death
01:15:08because he ain't worth it.
01:15:10Linda, don't you want your dough?
01:15:14Just remember,
01:15:15if anything happens to me,
01:15:16it's your fault.
01:15:19Hey, maybe she's going
01:15:20to knock herself off.
01:15:21Oh, I didn't think
01:15:22she'd take it that tough.
01:15:23We can't let her do it.
01:15:25Wait a minute.
01:15:38Hello, operator.
01:15:39Where did that last call come from?
01:15:42Briar?
01:15:43Briar?
01:15:44I thought so.
01:15:45She was talking to Dad at Halligan's.
01:15:47Oh, she can't do that.
01:15:50Slut.
01:15:51Slut.
01:16:04What's the matter?
01:16:05What's up?
01:16:06Did something happen to Linda?
01:16:07Oh, but something's going to.
01:16:08What do you mean?
01:16:09She's going to marry Homer.
01:16:10Sure, but we'll stop her.
01:16:11Come on.
01:16:13Stop her?
01:16:14You bet.
01:16:15Yes, she's after his dough.
01:16:16Yeah, but she ain't going to get it.
01:16:17Now, just a minute, Jack Bundy.
01:16:18She's no more after his money
01:16:19than I'm after yours.
01:16:20I happen to know Linda's
01:16:21in love with your father.
01:16:22Oh, Marge, you expect me
01:16:23to believe that?
01:16:24Oh, no.
01:16:25Whether you believe it or not,
01:16:26I know Linda, and it's true.
01:16:32There you are, you smart guys.
01:16:34Did I always tell you
01:16:35she was the salt of the earth?
01:16:36Well, don't look at me.
01:16:37Didn't I always say
01:16:38they don't come any better?
01:16:39Oh, you never said enough.
01:16:40Are you sure, Marge?
01:16:41Just as sure as I'm in love with you.
01:16:42There you are.
01:16:43You've been just plain silly.
01:16:45Sure, making a suck of yourself.
01:16:46It seems to me
01:16:47that you two geniuses
01:16:48had the idea
01:16:49that got us into this mess.
01:16:50All right, get yourselves out of it.
01:16:52Come on.
01:16:54Take her down.
01:17:01Well, think fast,
01:17:02Commander Wheeler.
01:17:06I got it.
01:17:09Come on.
01:17:12Come on.
01:17:19But where are the bride and groom?
01:17:21Oh, they're just over here
01:17:22in the sanitarium.
01:17:23Sanitarium?
01:17:24Yeah.
01:17:25Well, you see,
01:17:26what he means to say is
01:17:27the groom's been under the weather
01:17:28a little while,
01:17:29but he's okay now.
01:17:30I see.
01:17:31Yeah, he pulls through all right.
01:17:33Hey, listen, you guys.
01:17:34We've done a dirty trick to Homer, see?
01:17:36So it's up to us
01:17:37to make it up to him.
01:17:38Yeah, we want to give him
01:17:39a royal wedding.
01:17:40It'll mean a lot to Homer.
01:17:41And don't forget
01:17:42it means a lot to us.
01:17:51Wait.
01:18:01Homer!
01:18:02Homer!
01:18:04Homer!
01:18:06Homer!
01:18:07Lady!
01:18:08Lady!
01:18:09Homer!
01:18:10Lady!
01:18:11Homer!
01:18:12Homer!
01:18:13Homer!
01:18:14Linda!
01:18:15Homer!
01:18:16Linda!
01:18:17Homer!
01:18:18Linda, darling!
01:18:19My poor baby!
01:18:20Oh, Linda, darling,
01:18:21you've no idea what I've been through.
01:18:23Well, you don't have to worry anymore.
01:18:25Thanks for everything, Pinky.
01:18:27Thanks for everything.
01:18:28Come on, darling.
01:18:40They've come to stop us.
01:18:41Nobody's going to stop me
01:18:42from marrying you.
01:18:45Judge Hutchins.
01:18:46Who?
01:18:47Judge Hutchins.
01:18:48Judge Hutchins.
01:18:49Judge...
01:18:51Judge Hutchins.
01:18:52Well, well, Judge Hutchins.
01:18:53What's the trouble?
01:18:54What is it?
01:18:55Judge Hutchins, will you marry us?
01:18:56Well, I'm hardly prepared for it.
01:18:58It's a matter of life and death.
01:18:59Really?
01:19:00Oh, please, Judge.
01:19:01Look, look here, Judge.
01:19:02There's the license.
01:19:03Well, I guess it's legal.
01:19:04Join hands.
01:19:05Well, don't start a fight.
01:19:06It's a matter of life and death.
01:19:08Judge Hutchins.
01:19:09Well, don't start yet.
01:19:10Oh, Pinky.
01:19:11There's some men coming up here
01:19:12to stop the wedding.
01:19:13Oh, yeah.
01:19:14I'll give you $500
01:19:15if you keep them out
01:19:16until after the ceremony.
01:19:17Will you two gentlemen
01:19:18please act as witnesses?
01:19:19Will you please, yes.
01:19:20Quite all right.
01:19:21Step right up, actually.
01:19:33Hey, fellas.
01:19:34Now, all you guys get it out of sight.
01:19:36Now, when we come out,
01:19:37yell surprise
01:19:38and then give us
01:19:39a good old Bundy cheer.
01:19:41Now, duck.
01:19:42Hey, wait a minute, Ben.
01:19:43Don't you think
01:19:44I ought to go in and get him?
01:19:45Don't you think I ought to?
01:19:46Certainly not.
01:19:47Give it to the rest of the guys.
01:19:48I know how to handle him.
01:19:49Always interrupt him.
01:19:50All right.
01:19:51Don't mess it up.
01:19:52Spread out.
01:20:00Good morning.
01:20:01Good morning.
01:20:02I've come to get Homer Bundy.
01:20:04Surprise!
01:20:08What happened?
01:20:09Oh, I guess I must have fell.
01:20:12I knew I'd have to handle this.
01:20:13All right, fellas, duck.
01:20:19Come to get Homer Bundy.
01:20:28What was it?
01:20:30There's a million guys in there
01:20:32and they all slug me.
01:20:34A million?
01:20:37My friends,
01:20:38we are here
01:20:40on this happy occasion
01:20:42to unite these young people
01:20:44in marriage.
01:20:46Come on, boys.
01:20:47It looks like Homer's in trouble.
01:20:48Let's go.
01:21:03It is...
01:21:05It is recorded in Holy Writ
01:21:07that it is not good
01:21:08for man to live alone.
01:21:10And it is...
01:21:11And it is better
01:21:12that he should have a helpmate.
01:21:15My friends,
01:21:16we...
01:21:17Where am I?
01:21:19Oh, I said that.
01:21:20My friends,
01:21:21we are here on this happy...
01:21:23It is recorded...
01:21:26It is recorded
01:21:27in Holy Writ
01:21:28that it is not good
01:21:29for man to live alone.
01:21:30It is recorded in...
01:21:32It is recorded...
01:21:35Judge!
01:21:36Judge, you have finished!
01:21:37Judge!
01:21:38Judge!
01:21:39Judge!
01:21:48Bundy!
01:21:50Hooray for Bundy!
01:21:52Judge!
01:21:54Judge!
01:21:55Judge!
01:21:58Judge!
01:21:59Judge, you haven't finished yet!
01:22:01Judge!
01:22:02Gingy!
01:22:03Three days!
01:22:04I mean...
01:22:05What are you doing here?
01:22:07And now,
01:22:08vested with the authority
01:22:09of this sovereign state
01:22:10to unite people in marriage,
01:22:12I pronounce you
01:22:13husband and wife.
01:22:16Thank you, dear.
01:22:18Thank you, Judge.
01:22:19Thank you, Judge.
01:22:20Stop it, Homer.
01:22:21Stop it.
01:22:22Stop fighting, boys.
01:22:23Please, please.
01:22:25Homer!
01:22:26Homer!
01:22:27Well, you're too late.
01:22:28We're married!
01:22:58The End
01:23:21In my opinion,
01:23:22not both should win first prize.
01:23:23Mr. Whacker Bar,
01:23:24I quite agree with you.
01:23:25Such imagination,
01:23:26Such stark realism!